am i being psyco bitch or is he a twat???

[claire2602]

Basically oh have been going out last 4weeks getting smashed saturday night andsunday!! Hes just joined a new footy team and i understand he wants to 'fit in' but i get all the shit! 2weeks ago he was that drunk he pissed on the kitchen floor. Last weekend downed a bottle of wine and tried to drive home and last night vommed everywhere in the bathroom. He speaks to me like complete shit when hes drunk! I try to talk to hkm but he just thinks i dont want him to go out!which isnt the case (he has cheated twice in the past soxi used to be abit tense and shitty when he went out.but not anymore he knows the score) i just hate being spoken to like shit just because hes drunk...or having to clean his sick up..last night he stood in ir and then went and got j ti bed spreading it everywhere....so i had to sleep downstairs. Not fair!!! Sometimes (and i hate myself for thinking it) but i thank god weve not conceived as what would i do if he was like that?? Then other times i think hes just getting it out his system. I mean he is only 22. I just think if your mature enough to wanna settle down get a mortgage and start a family you should ke mature enough to de with your drinking and know when to stop. It may be his way of dealing with stuff....our situation! Or he could just be being a tosser! What you think??? x

 

[SpinSugar]

Yes hes being a twat. Once in a blue moon it can be forgiven but every weekend? No way. You need to talk to him when he's sober!

Xx

Mummy to my beautiful girl born 9/8/13

 

[mylullaby]

He is absolutely being a twat. Sounds like my ex when we were 22 actually. And that was what ended our five-year relationship. Best thing that ever happened to me getting out of that. I did try talking to him when he was sober, but ultimately he wasn't ready to change, so anything we discussed properly went out of the window as soon as he had a drink. I wasn't ready to settle down or start a family at that age - I just didn't want to be on the receiving end of his alcohol-fuelled nastiness when he was going out and getting pissed 3 times a week. It was draining and horrible and I don't know why I put up for it for as long as I did.

It's quite possible that your OH will be like this for the next 10 years while he bonds with his teammates and "gets it out of his system" and you'll be on the receiving end every time. No-one deserves that. If he decides he's never going to change - because he doesn't think he's in the wrong - what then? Will you put up with this forever? The cheating would've been the end for me, but you've obviously worked through that, so how about discussing some new terms? Like going out with the lads one night a week (the other you spend together?) No p1ssing all over the place. No speaking to you like a piece of sh1t. No putting himself - or anyone else - in danger?

Good luck with sorting this out xxx

 

[Milly76]

Wow - major twat allert!! He is young though - that would worry me that he is not really ready to settle down.........imagine if you were married and had kids and he behaved like that.

My ex husband started to do things like that (not quite as bad, but he was 28) and we ended up divorced - he just couldn't handle the commitment.

Sorry to sound negative - hope its just a phase linked to the new footy team!

Good Luck lady!

xxx

 

[Muguboo]

I hope you were kidding about cleaning up his bodily fluids - leave it for him to sort out. Tbh his teammates probably think he's a liability if that's the way he behaves when he's drunk - I doubt he's actually doing much bonding. Has he always been a lightweight? Is it just the frequency that's become a problem? He doesn't sound mature enough to handle the responsibility of being a dad and there's no excuse for treating you like rubbish.

I suspect you'll find he doesn't think there's a problem when you speak to him sober so it'll be up to you to decide how much you're willing to put up with. He wouldn't have a home with me - and he may find it difficult to find a friend who'd put up with the behaviour

 

[claire2602]

I dont care about him going out its the fact of how often. He goes through phases....hell go out 6 weekends in a row..then not at all for months! Id rather he went out once a month that 6 weeks abd then nothing. The lads hes out with are twats.have no girlfriends no responsibilities live with parents no worries. They are a dodgy lot ...not the sort youd wanna get on the wrong side of...but not the sort you wanna socialise with either! I spoke to him last night...he just thinks hes funny and 'a lad' immature! This weekend will be the test. I told him i want him to stay in or he will find himself coming home to a empty house. So lets see. When hes nkt drunk hes lush! And its only weekends so hes not an alcoholic or anything..hes always been a lightweight. His dad used to be a alcoholic...got divorced because of drink and knocking his wife about - he just laughs at him......id have thought he do the whole been there done that lost everything etx....but nope....nothing! Winds me up....im at the end of my tether and he just dosent see it. Maybe the last 5 and a half years have all beeen a mistake. Maybe ttc is a mistake.....i dont know

 

[mylullaby]

Alcohol-fuelled violence is no laughing matter. If his upbringing has led him to believe that's ok, then you might be fighting a losing battle. And while you say that he's not an alcoholic or anything, if his behaviour when he drinks is affecting your relationship - as it clearly is - then whether he's an alcoholic or not isn't the point.

You remind me of me 8 years ago. And there are no words to describe how much better my life has been without having to put up with that kind of behaviour. I don't know if it was my age or whatever, but I kind of accepted that it was normal for a bloke to go out drinking and then be completely vile towards me - thought it was just something you had to accept and told myself that other couples experience that kind of thing too... then I suddenly realised that I deserved much, MUCH better and that the only reason it was happening was because I was allowing it to! I felt stronger, more confident and generally happier from the moment I decided enough was enough.

Everyone's different so only you can make a decision either way about what's right for you. I know how hard it is to leave after so long - 5 years is a huge chunk of your life when you're 22. (It was hard for me to cut contact - which is what I did as soon as I'd decided to move on. I ignored calls, texts and messages and absorbed myself in anything else that I could use as a distraction. Because of course he tried to convince me he'd change once he realised I was actually leaving him - too late by then) But as someone who is 3 months away from marrying her actual soul mate, I can honestly say that my life would have been very different had I attempted to settle down with that ex. I try limit how often I look back at the miserable, messy excuse for a relationship that I could too easily have ended up with as I have so many amazing experiences to look forward to with a man that treats me wonderfully. My best friend.

If I were you, I'd as an absolute minimum give TTC some more time/thought, because if anything is likely to make an already unstable relationship less stable, it's introducing a new baby into the mix. You will need every ounce of his support when the time comes and it really doesn't sound like he's ready to step up.

Good luck. x

 

[Mum2betash]

All I would say is, is that what you want to bring a lo in to? Hope he sorts him self out soon! X