Am I being mean?

[Binzy]

My dad emailed me this morning asking if he could come and stay in September...(I live in Italy). I told him it was a bit near to my due date (23rd Sep) and I wanted to relax and sleep in the last few weeks before the birth (and not be a bloody tour guide - I didn't mention this part). I go on Maternity leave on 23rd August but I suggested he came in August. To which he replied it was too hot in August and there is nothing to do then, depsite the fact that him and my aunt came last August
Don't get me wrong, I love My dad, but he is quite hard work, wakes up at 6am and bangs doors and makes a racket till everyone else gets up out of desperation. He then asks constantly 'what time are we....going out/having dinner etc' constantly and wants a planned itineray of every day.
I only have one spare room and want to sort it out for the baby, which I won't be able to do if he is sleeping in it!
So tonight we spoke on Skype and he was obviously offended and then kept moaning about how hot it was in London and how tired he was. (I can assure you it is much hotter here and being 7 months pregnant I know something about being tired). He kept trying to get me to change my mind which I think is a bit out of order. I told him that I think 3 weeks rest before the baby comes is a good idea and he said maybe I should take early maternity leave if I am so tired already wtf? Have you ever been pregnant?
Sorry I am ranting but it just seems like his holiday is more important that what he wants. He has stayed with me millions of times and I've never said no before but this time I feel I need to put my foot down. What do you all think?

 

[Tracey M]

What an inconsiderte erm so and so..... Stick to your guns and rest up honey, you are so right!!!

 

[Princess81]

I'd stick to my guns if I were you hun - it sounds perfectly reasonable to me

Are you getting lots of kicks now? x

 

[LuciaLeek]

Definitely stick to your guns! It's rich coming from me as we've had hubby's brother here for 3 months! We live in Australia and he decided to move here too so we offered for him to stay with us until he found his own place. We thought he'd be here a month considering he had a job lined up (Doctor) and he had a car (sold him ours for pennies). Anyway, he finally left on Saturday after my hubby was pretty much finding flats for him and I only have 3 weeks to go now until D day. At this point in pregnancy you just want to cabbage in front of the tv with your slacks on and no bra and have hubby rubbing your back - this cannot happen when you have someone else in the house!

The thing with us is that my Mum is coming about a week or 2 after the baby arrives and we needed to get her room ready but he was in it. We have worked our asses off for the past couple of days clearing out and cleaning in preparation (he just left his room and bathroom as it was! Grrr!) and now I am absolutely buggered! I can barely move because of pelvis pain and my legs feel so sore and tired - I'm like an old lady trying to stand up etc. I fear that you would be the same if your Dad comes over as you'll feel under pressure to take him out and about.

You really need the time to yourself in the run up to the birth as you will never get that time back! You need to be able to nest and get as much rest as possible!

Sorry I have ranted about my own situation, but I just wanted you to know that we fell into a bit of a trap and felt nothing but stress trying to drop hints to get BIL out! A lot of girls would never put up with this yet I'm too soft to say no! Please feel confident enough to stick to your guns, you will only regret it if you give in!

Good luck with it all and don't allow him to make you feel guilty! xxx

 

[Xcitedmum]

Maybe you could suggest that he stays in a hotel this time? That way you can get the room ready and he still gets his holiday? You could stress that this is the best way as it means they can do whatever they want to each day without your rest being upset...

 

[beanster]

Think it's fine to be selfish in that respect hun and do what you want to do for a change without thinking about other people.

 

[LuciaLeek]

Maybe you could suggest that he stays in a hotel this time? That way you can get the room ready and he still gets his holiday? You could stress that this is the best way as it means they can do whatever they want to each day without your rest being upset...

Great idea!

 

[BabysMomma]

Definitely what everyone else says hunni! Stick to your guns. The last few weeks before your due date is time for you to rest, relax, get everything prepared and spend time with hubby as its the last chance you'll get to spend time just as a couple before LO arrives.

I personally don't think you are being selfish at all. If anything, I'm sorry, but I think your Dad is being the selfish one. He can stay with you anytime and you're never gona get this time back, so do not give in. I know its hard cos you love your Dad and don't want to upset him, but you may regret and resent him at the time he visits cos he is butting into "your" time.

Good luck x

 

[Constantstar]

It's hard, mum lives abroad and flew over yest. We only have 1 spare room which is nursery and her room and so therefore mums got the room at the mo! Also I'm due in like 12 days which is very close but least I know she can keep herself busy xx

 

[Binzy]

What an inconsiderte erm so and so..... Stick to your guns and rest up honey, you are so right!!!

Thanks Tracey, I've thought of nothing else all day and I just keep coming back to the fact that I have to do what is right for me. I can't be forced into something just coz my dad fancies a holiday! I need to be firm and not give in!

 

[Binzy]

I'd stick to my guns if I were you hun - it sounds perfectly reasonable to me

Are you getting lots of kicks now? x

Thanks Princess! I need the support, I'm up and down all the time I can't decide if I'm thinking straight sometimes.

I'm getting kicks everyday now Princess! Which is a huge relief considering he was a bit of a slow mover!
How are you feeling? I've been tracking your progress (but shamefully still haven't downloaded anything on my phone to let me comment) and glad all is going well for you.

 

[Binzy]

Oh Lucia, I can't believe anyone can take the mick for 3 months, you must have been desperate to see the back of him. Guests are one thing....lodgers are another!! Thanks for the advice though!

 

[Princess81]

I'd stick to my guns if I were you hun - it sounds perfectly reasonable to me

Are you getting lots of kicks now? x

Thanks Princess! I need the support, I'm up and down all the time I can't decide if I'm thinking straight sometimes.

I'm getting kicks everyday now Princess! Which is a huge relief considering he was a bit of a slow mover!
How are you feeling? I've been tracking your progress (but shamefully still haven't downloaded anything on my phone to let me comment) and glad all is going well for you.

Still tired but I admit it's easing now (she says yawning). I'm getting my own wee flutters now, started a couple of days ago, I think I will be having a kickboxer on my hands in later life lol xx

 

[Binzy]

Maybe you could suggest that he stays in a hotel this time? That way you can get the room ready and he still gets his holiday? You could stress that this is the best way as it means they can do whatever they want to each day without your rest being upset...

Thing is my mum and dad are divorced and he would be coming on his own. So even if he slept in a hotel he'd still be up at the crack of dawn banging on my door, I know it. Then he would want to be entertained, dinners out etc etc, it's just too much hassle. He wears me out when I'm not pregnant! It wouldn't be so bad if he came with someone else then they could go off and do stuff together but if he came on his own he'd be forever dragging OH off to the pub which is the last thing I need!

 

[Binzy]

Think it's fine to be selfish in that respect hun and do what you want to do for a change without thinking about other people.

That's what I can't understand...your own daughter is telling you she needs to rest and you STILL don't get the message.
I know it was different back when he was about to become a dad with me but he must remember something!

 

[Binzy]

Definitely what everyone else says hunni! Stick to your guns... I know its hard cos you love your Dad and don't want to upset him, but you may regret and resent him at the time he visits cos he is butting into "your" time.

Good luck x

Thanks Babysmomma. I need to write this on the back of my hand or something!

 

[Binzy]

It's hard, mum lives abroad and flew over yest. We only have 1 spare room which is nursery and her room and so therefore mums got the room at the mo! Also I'm due in like 12 days which is very close but least I know she can keep herself busy xx

My mum's coming for the birth too but I'll have had time to sort out the spare room and then put a fold up bed in it and the baby in the crib in with us.
The difference is my mum will do all she can to help around the house while my dad just wants to be entertained!

 

[Binzy]

Still tired but I admit it's easing now (she says yawning). I'm getting my own wee flutters now, started a couple of days ago, I think I will be having a kickboxer on my hands in later life lol xx[/QUOTE]

Wow, flutters already! Lucky you!
My dad was a boxer in his younger days so I was worried I'd get knocked about by my little man but I think he's just a big softy!
I may not be saying that in a few months time however!!
On a serious note I'm over the moon that everything is going to plan for you
xx

 

[knopk@]

Binzy, I have sort of similar situation, my family was supposed to come end July-early August but with my dad washing his passport we couldnt apply for visas earlier (unfortunately they need visas) so now they are not coming, I am already feeling tired and my parents are hard work as well, I can normally tolerate them for 3 days before snapping. So it will be sometime late this year and I dont care what anyone thinks.
Funnily enough my MIL said to me that I shouldnt have anyone around even in August

 

[Binzy]

Everyone I've asked who has had a baby has said you just need to veg before you give birth, plus it's going to be hot here so I just need to relax!
I'm just going to be firm and say no, he can hardly turn up unannounced...can he??
Fingers crossed