Am i being cruel to my baby :( :(

[keelie_b]

hi all,

Ok well as a first time mum im not really clued up so hoping you can advise me.
Im hoping to start some kind of routine with my baby but hes still very young so dont know if it will work. problem is he's been staying up until 4am everyday without fail then falling asleep and waking about every hour and a half for feeds (breast) until lunch time. So he is already in some kind of routine but its an exhausting one so the plan is to move that block of sleep back a bit.
Il type out what we're planning to do and hopefully you'll be able to tell me if im doing the right thing and/or add any suggestions:
At 10.00pm im going to take him up to my bedroom, turn the lights off, keep it dark and give him a feed. Il then make sure he's completely comfortable (winded, fed, clean etc) and put him in his moses basket. We'll then leave the room. I know everyone on here is against leaving a young baby to cry and to a certain degree so am i but my HV, MW and OH are all firm believers in letting him cry as long as there is nothing wrong. They said to leave him for about 5 minutes. I compromised on 2! So if he cries i will go and check him after those 2 minutes, make sure he is fed, clean not too hot, not too cold, not got wind and then put him down again. I've been told to keep doing this in order to get him to sleep on his own so that he doesnt have the need to be rocked to sleep on his own every single night.
I feel awfull doing this, its so hard hearing him cry (we're in the middle of it right now )
So thats the plan thats been constructed with the mw and hv and hopefully he'll get the hang of it and sleep better. Whats your thoughts? Do you think it will work or is it just cruel?

Thanks xxx

 

[Babylicious]

I personally wouldn't leave a young baby to cry at all, Harrison was 6 months before I would leave him to cry.

Babies cry for a reason even if it's just because they want a cuddle xx

 

[muppetmummy]

I co-slept with Logan till he was 3 months old, I couldn't be bothered trying to get him to settle in his moses basket as he hated it. I got a lot more sleep with him in bed with me. Even now he often ends up in our bed but I don't mind as James was the same but started staying in his own bed all night of his own accord when he was almost 2.

I wouldn't say you're being cruel but it's not something I would do when babys so young, babys are designed to be picked up when they cry IMO. Others are bound to disagree with me.

Do what you want to do, don't let midwives or HV dictate to you

 

[charlie84]

Personally i dont like the cry to sleep method especially with such a young baby.
When they are so young they cry for a reason and even if it is just to be close to you. They dont understand that they are a seperate being from you and they certainly dont understand night and day.

I always recommend trying to go with the flow of the baby to begin with then work a pattern around the child.

It may seem so endless all these sleepless nights but it will get better i promise

I think i started a bedtime routine around six weeks any time before then i let LO guide me with her needs.

I am reading a book at the moment called 'the no cry sleep solution,' i am only so far in but it does talk a lot of sense as to why leaving a baby to cry is not always a good thing.

 

[Manda&Thomas]

i did it hun and it worked well for us and it does make things easier in the long run
you are not being cruel, its your baby and if you want to do it then so be,
better to do this now then to try when they are 6 months + and stuck in there ways
Thomas has gone to bed perfectly (apart from when ill) since he was 4 weeks old,
he settles himself always has done and he slept all night
keep at it if you can and dont let anyone le you belive what you are doing is wrong
xx

 

[Krystal]

I totally disagree with with leaving a 2 week old baby to cry.

Your baby is crying for a reason, even if it is because LO just wants a cuddle it's to be expected. LO has been in your tummy for 9 months. Yes I think it would be cruel to leave a child at that age to cry.

What I would recommend which is what I did from the early days is set up a good nightime routine, I used to give him a bath at 7:30pm, get him ready for bed, cuddles and his bottle in the bedroom, dimly lit. I then put him to bed with a musical lightshow on (or my ipod which used to sit in a box that flashed to the music ) I put him down in his cot/moses awake, stayed a few minutes rubbing his tummy then left the room. He was usually still awake when I left him and would eventually fall asleep on his own. If he cried I would go back into the room and settle him again by rubbing his tummy, I hardly picked him up from his cot though. It wasn't needed.

From 9 weeks Jack slept through 12 hours and has ever since. Even before 9 weeks he was a in a good sleeping routine, even when he woke twice in the night for his feeds he would fall asleep immediately after or I could put him back into his cot and he would happily lay there and then fall asleep.

Good luck, I know those early days are hard work trying to figure things out but you will find what works for you and LO

 

[Squiglet]

tbh I wouldn't advise it as you are bfing.

Bfing babies don't really have a set time table where feeding is concerned and bm is absorbed rapidly. Bottle fed babies believe they are full because the milk isn't absorbed properly so just sits in the gut. They can be fed and be put down in this manner ... But your supply, is determined by how much he needs to eat and how often... If he was 2 months then maybe you might get somewhere with that sort of routine. But at just 2 weeks... Imo thats just too young for a booby baby.

What you've got to remember that he has never felt hunger, cold, pain...has constantly heard your HB every minute of his life and then all of a sudden he's been plunged into a noisy, lonely, cold, painful exisitance where the only way he can tell you he's disturbed by all this change is to cry. He feels safe and loved and warm in your arms, he can hear your HB, he can smell your milk. Thats all he wants when he is crying, and CC I feel just wouldn't work because mentally he's not capable of distinguishing crying for attention from crying because he's unhappy.

Can you not try CC in a few months time? Hun always remember, he's your baby, your the mummy now, you know him best, trust your instincts, if it feels wrong to you, it probably is...

 

[daftscotslass]

I think you've said it yourself hun. If you're not happy with doing it (and it honestly doesn't sound like you are) then don't do it. For the reasons that everyone else said. He's only teeny and babies also cry to be held and comforted at this stage - picking him up when he cries when he's this young won't "make a rod for your own back" as so many of us are told by unhelpful family members and health professionals. Don't let anyone pressure you into doing something you're not comfortable with.

As he gets older you'll start to recognise when he's just plain whinging. I've never left my daughter to cry (though now if she's tired and grumping I'll leave her for a short while) and she learned the difference between night and day quickly. She has never had a problem settling herself so in her case I can't see what more leaving her to cry would have achieved. Every baby is different but that's our experience.

Do what you want to do and what you feel comfortable with

 

[charlie84]

Oh and i just wanted to add that i never rocked LO to sleep or anything and she always generally went down awake. If she cried i saw to her until she happily went to sleep.

Sorry didnt notice you were breastfeeding (read posts far too quickly ) as squig said defo not a good idea as you need to demand feed at such a young age to establish supply, and they feed so regularly too.

Hang in there hun

 

[keelie_b]

I gave up i couldnt leave my tiny baby to cry it was killing me. OH has said im just being soft and doesnt agree that im now sitting with my litle boy close to my chest but im his mum and your right this doesnt feel right, the worlds too scary for him at the minute and i want to protect him.
I will maybe try this in a few months time, not now.

ok well OH goes back to work tomorrow, LO wil not sleep until 4am what can i do? i cant do it all on my own

 

[daftscotslass]

You will be fine love, keep him close to you. You will also be fine on your own and be confident in your own decisions because you're a fab mummy.

 

[CoreysMummy]

Sleep when LO sleeps is about the only thing you can do!

I didnt worry about rocking, or cuddling or carrying or anything til he was put into a routine at 3 months, I did what I wanted when he was tiny, he wanted cuddles he got them, came into our bed a few times etc, itmade no difference to him... at 3 monhts he started going to bed at 7pm and slowly the night feed got later and later, now its 10;30am!!!!!! ha ha.

its hard now, I didnt breast feed so have no ideas on how you go about moving bed time without disrupting feeds or whatever. Just wanted to let you knwo that if you spoil your baby for the next 3 months, its no big deal and they WILL settle themselves, and they will be happy not to be carried about etc etc...

Dont worry, enjoyyour baby xx

 

[charlie84]

I think the only thing i can recommend maybe is to encourage the day and night difference.
In the day have it light and noisy (well you know noraml household noise) and starting from a a particular time have low lights, reduced noise level, not too much stimulation.
Eventually baby should recognise the difference and you may notice him settling to sleep earlier.

As for OH well if his sleep is too disturbed then is there somewhere else he an kip. My OH was redundant at night anyway to be honest, i would be awake to feed so would change LO also. OH just slept through it.

 

[Suzie and Faith]

Fi is nearly 7 months and I still won't let her cry.
I think babies need cuddles, especially early on. Best way is to sleep when they sleep or co-sleep.

Don't do anything you're not comfortable with xx

 

[Sherlock]

Ditto what squiglet and a few others have said. Breastfed and formula fed babies feed very differently and a formula fed baby will settle better for longer in the early weeks generally. Leaving him to cry won't help anyone, least of all you or him.

I know its hard work when breastfeeding but it really is a case of going with the flow and demand feeding. Your baby is so small and has no set body clock nor does day or night mean anything at the moment. That comes in time as he gets a bit older, his stomach matures and he is able to go longer between feeds at night.

Right now your LO is feeding when hungry which is important, not just for him but for your supply also.

I'd sleep when he sleeps and given a few weeks and some general bedtime routine hopefully he'll start settling earlier and sleeping more in the night. I'd start with a bath and getting read for bed around 7pm and settling him then if you can, even if its downstairs with you in his basket and then taking him up when you go to bed later. At least you are close by and can comfort or feed if he needs it. We did this and only started putting our son to bed upstairs on his own at around 10 weeks old. Before then he would stay down with us in the evenings.

Controlled crying doesn't work in such small babies. They have no understanding of what is going on nor are they crying to play you up or anything. Your LO is crying for a reason, even if he's just needing comfort. I'd be inclined to not let him cry and to cuddle and reassure and feed as and when.

Breastfed babies tend to find their own routine over time as the milk supply settles down.

I personally had to encourage my LO to settle himself as I had some medical problems after giving birth and was (and still am) breastfeeding. I never did CC nor left him to cry. I would always feed on demand and all the things I did to encourage him to be settled when left in his moses basket I did without using CC and over a period of a couple of weeks. He was always settled, with a mobile playing, me stroking his head and having skin on skin contact etc. I never left him in a room to cry on his own.

For some strange reasons HVs seem to push this whole let baby cry for a bit on breastfeeding Mums. They seem to forget that its not something we can do easily as our LO's have to feed more often and also we don't always want to resort to a top up feed with formula either. Its standard advice but I've yet to meet one BF'ing Mum who has actually done this in their babys early weeks. even my HV, as great as she is advised we do this. I decided not to, carried on BF'ing as I was and found a different way to help settle my son on his own for periods of time.

Breastfeeding is hard work in the early weeks. Lack of any recognisable sleep pattern plays havoc with our minds and bodies, but you can get through it. Sleep when he sleeps, don't worry about the housework and have your OH do a bit of cooking in the evening if you are napping. It does get better over time. As Coreysmummy has said, bring LO into bed with you, cuddle him in the chair and do what feels right for you.

Sometimes our OH's don't always agree with what we choose to do as a Mummy in the early weeks. BF'ing is the one big thing that our partners can't help with, but I hope they support us with it as it is not easy and we need all the help we can get. You are the one at home with your LO when your OH goes back to work, so do what feelds right for you and I am sure in a few weeks you can slowly start finding a routine that works for you all. It won't happen overnight but it can happen.

 

[MagicMarkers]

Aw hun, i think the fact your happy with your decision speaks millions, i dno how anyone can hear their baby balling their little lungs out, when Flo cries it makes me wanna im a right sop lol I recommend what the other girls do just sleep when they sleep, naps are your new best friend ! When they get a bit older they'll realise the difference between night and day and settle into a more predictable pattern but for now i sayjust go with the Flow

It gets easier, but right now LOs not been in the world long enoough to know anything about the world so obviously doesnt know when bedtime is ! I dont think its possible to be too soft on your 2 week old !

 

[Squiglet]

I gave up i couldnt leave my tiny baby to cry it was killing me. OH has said im just being soft and doesnt agree that im now sitting with my litle boy close to my chest but im his mum and your right this doesnt feel right, the worlds too scary for him at the minute and i want to protect him.
I will maybe try this in a few months time, not now.

ok well OH goes back to work tomorrow, LO wil not sleep until 4am what can i do? i cant do it all on my own

For me it felt wrong that lil miss was ever away from me. Still does to some extent now. But 9 months in 9 months out.

You will cope hun... as the others have said..Sleep when he sleeps, get yourself a sling or wrap so you can carry him close to you all the time. Bf'd when he wants. I like many others found co sleeping was the only way I could get some sleep but its not for everyone.

I also had a loose routine from day one and lil miss fell into it really quickly. By 2 weeks she would sleep more at night. I got her up at the same time every morning and the house was always noisy and light (windows open, tv on)...I started the night time routine at the same time every night and the house was always dark and quiet. Once I took her into our/her room, she never came out...bedtime was bedtime. She didn't start sleeping through until she was around 9/10 months old. But she would have most of her sleep and be less awake at night.

As I said, trust your instincts. Your OH might think your soft, but you will be the one caring for this baby the most so its your rules

 

[lea m]

Aww hun! I think your OH is being slightly unreasonable (probably because hes tired and not a mum lol) but I agree with others! 2 weeks is too young! You are his mum and you need to do what you feel is best for you baby! If you know in your heart that leaving him to cry isnt the right thing then dont! And ignore you OH and HV! FWIW his routine will probably change again soon and things will get better!
I definitely think your right for doing late feeds in a darker and quieter room! Thats something Ive always done and my children have always fell into their own good bedtime routines!

 

[kalia]

I know it works for some people but I personally view CC as an old fashioned approach.

Changing night time from 4 am to 10pm is a big leap all at once. Maybe try to settle him half and hour earlier every few days.

Good luck

 

[Morganuk]

Hello Keelie hun

I have to agree that 2 weeks is just way to young to be letting a 2 week old baby to cry like that hun .
He is new into this world and needs his mummy for comfort.
Sounds like your not comfortable with it so go with your instincts.

I used to co-sleep with Jaeda but stopped briefly when she fell out of the bed .
I soon went back to it because I personally feel it is great for both mum and baby.
I love the beautiful bond it has given us, and the fact that she feels safe and very happy lying with mummy
Some babies settle on there own, but sounds like lo is not happy and needs your comfort.
Like the ladies have said, if your BF it makes sense to have baby next to you imo.

Hopefully he will settle into a routine as he gets older hun but I really would not be to concerned about it atm.

Your doing a great job sweetie so don't get yourself down about this hun

Hope all that made sense.