Age gap considerations - help girls...

[debecca]

Yes, we are OFFICIALLY mad and just as I've got well we're starting to think about number two...

So, I'm not going to ask the usual "what is a good age gap?" question, because all of you will have different opinions and experiences. What I want to know is what considerations do I need to bear in mind when thinking about it? So far I've come up with:

* Buggy - I'll need a double buggy presumably unless they're more than HOW OLD apart? Or can I just use sling/stroller combo for a bit?
* Age gap at school - 2 years not a good idea as then one is doing GCSEs while other doing A Levels ha ha! (SUCH a teacher)
* Being able to play together, and having same interests.
* Being born at roughly same time of year - being able to reuse clothes because they're for same season.
* Nappy changing two babies at once
* Older one being able to help with care of younger one...

Are there any other considerations?

 

[*Star*]

ive two in nappies and tbh, apart from the cost its only 2mins to change a bum!

with clothes - i see where your coming from, but it might be a boy!!!

yes, a double buggy is a must!!

i love both my age gaps. between benjamin and oliver was great (3 years) cause benjamin knew what was going on and could help with things.

oliver and amelia has been hard work, (15 months) but still its not been that much of a change. i was still in the 'baby stage' with oliver and tbh amelia's just fitted in so well!

now, benjamin - amelia has been the hardest, on benjamin (4 yrs 3 months) as he started school in sept and she was born sept 20th. he misses out on a lot cause hes at school all day. that does upset him.

 

[sazzylou]

Ive got quite a big age gap between my 2 (6 and a half years) and its great. Beth helps out with Izzie, theres no jelousy, and i get time with Iz on my own when Beth goes to school I know my limits y'see and i honestly dont think i couldve coped with 2 little ones at home

We never really thought about what we wanted for an age gap. I wasnt fussed about having another one at all after Beth. but when we did start to consider it, it initially started out as wanting a sibling for her so she wouldnt be alone. I didnt feel 'ready' for another baby until she'd been at school for a while. Then i thought well, ive had a few months off, wouldnt mind another one!! Took us 8 months TTC so that added a bit on to the age gap too. Now ive had Iz though im mega broody, and if i could convince OH to have another one in the next year or two, i would

My SIL has 3 kids (a 7 month old, 3 year old, 4 year old) and its actually worked out pretty good for her!

The oldest two are sooooo close. They play together all the time, which is a godsend for her being able to get on with her housework....but they fight not so much now, but when they were younger there was a fair bit of biting and kicking going on They still bicker A LOT and the 3 year old is a major diva whose always getting her brother in trouble

The same time of year thing for clothes is a good plan too. We kept a lot of Beths old things but she was an october baby, and Iz was born in April, so a lot of it may not be good for her. (but my neice was May so we get a lot of her stuff )

 

[Minxy]

Consider not only the effect of the gap on your children but on you too.

It takes your body a couple of years to restore your mineral levels and for things to move back where they were. And whilst I never suffered with PND, wouldn't say I felt 'myself' mentally until 18 months after.

 

[Hypnorm]

This age gap will be 3.5 yrs, its bigger than we wanted but it will be a bit easier as we wont need a double buggy.
Ewan can understand and will hopefully be able to help more, plus he goes to school in September.

 

[heles7]

heheh is it a nine month thing cos im definitely thinking about number 2 already!

My sis has two girls with fourteen months between them. She is always glad that they are close as it makes life easier in that they tend to play with the same friends and go to the same parties as each other.

A friend who has a gap of about 6 years between her children has a lot on her plate getting the older girl to her parties and other activities while her youngest son has a whole different set of needs in play groups for example.

I think close together is definitely going to be the way forward for me... my OH is getting on a bit

 

[Suzie and Faith]

Me thinketh every age gap has its pros and cons. Double buggy is def a con! I was thinking that I doubt I could manage to sling a baby and push a single pushchair. But i'm sure it's perfectly possible!

My thoughts are that will all the will in the world TTC can take an unpredictable amount of time so whilst you might aim for a baby to be born in one season it could take 6 months then they'd be born in completely the opposite one!

The idea of a close age gap appeals to me but I don't doubt that it's blooming hard!

 

[Charlie:-)]

Me & oh have been thinking about number 2 as well and ideally we would like 18 months to 2 years between them. Now I cant speak from experience but I was planning on wearing the newborn while Maia is pushed around in the pram. I can also buy a buggy board for my pram so will do this as well but not sure that toddlers will stand for any great lengths of time so a sling is a must as well I(for me that is, you may prefer a double buggy).

 

[kellysomer]

We aimed for a 2 and a half year age gap and erm got it wrong we have a 23 month age gap, woops! I would in all honesty say its too close and very hard work, for me the ideal is for one to be born when the other started paid for preschool at 3, but hopefully i'll reap the benefits when they are older instead like picking them up from the same school. Who knows, its a really tough one, but nature kind of takes it out of your hands anyway.

Good luck whatever you decide!

 

[beanie]

There is 2 years and 2 months between my two and the next gap will be longer for a number of reasons including the fact I really struggled during pregnancy, I had terrible sickness and bad SPD - couple that with a toddler and it was hard going and a little unfair on Seren. So I would like a more independant child before I get pregnant again. A double buggy is not necessary, I managed not to have one which I was relieved about as I hate the thought of them, but then I do babywear anyway so if you prefer buggies you may think differently. I also like the idea of being able to spend time with the baby like I did with my first. Seren goes to nursery 2 mornings a week and this gives me and Cally some time together. I had 2 in nappies at one point and I was glad that stage didn't last long lol.

Saying that though my two have an amazing relationship, as close as anything and Seren loves being Cally's big sister. I wouldn't change that for the world.

 

[lea m]

I have experience of both a small age gap (10.5 months) and a bigger age gap (7 years nearly)

I loved having my first 3 close together!
The was 10.5 months between my first two! (something I dont recommend on a personal level but highly recommend for the kids)
The 18 months between my second and third! It was busy, I had lots of nappies to change lol! With Joseph and Dillon I had two different sets of bottles to make up etc but it was ok! I didnt struggle! Though my health did sadly!

Lucy (my 3rd) was nearly 7 when Lola-Mae was born (Dillon being 8 and Joseph being 9) and its great! They can help with feeding, getting things for me helping keep her amused etc! Great for me but I do worry that she will feel lonely when she is around 3-4!
The other 3 always had someone to play with!

The older boys get on great! If they had been born at different times of the year they would have been in the same class at school! Dillon can use all Joseph clothes that he doesnt wreck etc! Their practically in the same size clothes really so they dont even need seperate drawers! (makes things easy haha lazy me)
BUT they dont always be so nice to Lucy! She is a girl and they dont always want to play with girls! But I do think that is more because there is two of them! If it was just day Dillon then they would get on fine!

A double pram is a must! I know people say just sling them but I wouldnt have managed with that! I loved my double prams! Though i also did get a single and use a sling also! It just depended on the situation and where i was going!

 

[muppetmummy]

If I could go back I would have liked a smaller gap (probably about 2 years, at least it gets the exam stress out of the way in one go! )

Doing a school run with a baby is a nightmare! I really struggle getting myself, and both kids up and ready in the morning. I've also had to buy everthing twice cos we got rid of it the first time round

If I were in your position I'd start ttc in the summer

 

[farls]

hi, there is 11 mths between mine, yes its hard work. especially when grace came along as mark was still a baby, not walking so it was a little difficult. changing nappies is not a problem although it does cost. mark is out of nappies during the day now so that helps. they are just starting to play nicely together which is soooo cute but we have plenty of fighting also. there will be one school year between then so hoping for same friends etc even though they fight the first words grace says every day is where's mark? they are lost without each other. x

 

[Becky]

The only thing I would say is whether you would continue to work and if so would you be able to afford 2 lots of childcare. I'm lucky in that when I go back to work DD will be at school so I will only need to pay for DS full time and possibly after-school club if I don't go back part-time.

I had wanted a smaller age gap between babies but am quite happy with our gap (3.5 years) and think that really it's all worked out for the best. The only downside is that DD has had us to herself for so long whereas if she'd been younger she wouldn't have known much different. Saying that she's a good age to be able to explain things to and she can get involved too.

 

[beanie]

The only thing I would say is whether you would continue to work and if so would you be able to afford 2 lots of childcare. I'm lucky in that when I go back to work Lucy will be at school so I will only need to pay for Calum full time and possibly after-school club if I don't go back part-time.

I had wanted a smaller age gap between babies but am quite happy with our gap (3.5 years) and think that really it's all worked out for the best. The only downside is that Lucy has had us to herself for so long whereas if she'd been younger she wouldn't have known much different. Saying that she's a good age to be able to explain things to and she can get involved too.

ah yes that is a fab point. It was one of my main considerations and we planned to have another when Seren was 3 as it would mean we would have some money off her bill - but fate convened and I had to give up my job as financially it wasn't going to be worth it.

 

[Magic Monkey]

I think that age gaps are a very personal thing. I always wanted about 2 years between mine, but at the moment i can't even contemplate TTC again for a long time, so we are now thinking 3 years. That way Ella will be at pre-school before a new baby comes along, and will hopefully be out of nappies by then! Plus, it will mean that we don't need a double pushchair. I just hope that I feel ready to try for another one by this time next year!

 

[debecca]

All good points, thanks girls, you've really given me something to think about.

I was thinking last night in the bath with Flod that a smaller age gap has another huge disadvantage - you're still at home looking after a runny roundy toddler whilst feeling grotty huge and tired from pregnancy! I'm lucky though I guess in that I have MIL (retired) in the village who's willing to take Flod off my hands any time if I need a break - so I guess in some senses with MIL and FIL being older we should have our family sooner rather than later?

As for the work situation I think if we had a second I'd stay off work for a while!! Connie goes to nursery one day a week at the moment so we could up that, and Rosemary (MIL) could have her another day or so, that way I'd get enough time to bond with FloddyTwo.

I am starting to feel really broody and both OH and I feel like it's the right time - TTC this Summer maybe? The alternative is the summer after but I suspect the longer we leave it the harder it's going to be for me to do it as I won't want to go through all that crap again with the feeding / sleepness nights / nappies / health issues (assuming Number 2 has lactose intolerance / colic / reflux like Flodfold)

I'm going to digest these messages and read them again this weekend and have a good think.

 

[debecca]

nature kind of takes it out of your hands anyway.

Chance would be a fine thing! Ever heard of the immaculate conception?!

 

[Strangeness]

Tamzin was 6 weeks old when Aaron turned 3 and it is a brilliant age gap for me! I had those few weeks to recover after the birth and for Aaron to get used to having a baby around before he started pre school. Now he's at pre school 4 mornings a week so me and Tamzin have some time by ourselves. Aaron can also walk everywhere, so I never needed a double buggy! Also Aaron understood a lot more like if I was feeding the baby he knew he'd have to wait for 5 mins for me to do something for him and if she's crying he understands and goes off to play for a bit. I don't think there is ever a right time for number two though, when it happens you just get used to it and you're a lot more experienced than you were with number one so a lot more relaxed!

 

[Jen & Her Men]

Although Im ok with it now...if I had my choice about age gap I wouldnt have gone for such a small one...only because of how knackered I feel all the time and I dont think my body had time to properly recover. Hopefully there will be many pluses once he actually gets here though!