Advice Please :)

[NoRegrets]

Im sorry to put a downer on all you excited expected mummys but i really need some advice..

Mon i found out i was about 8 and half weeks preg... my problem is my boyfriend doesnt think we r ready but has said he will support me 100%. I have recently just started a new job 3 weeks ago training to be a cardiac physiologist we both still live at home, hes in the army .. am i stupid to think this is a bad idea, im ok with losing my career but i know that if i lose my job we wont be able to afford it... please can i have advice, and yes it was very stupid off me to get pregnant in the first place lol thank you. x

 

[BabyBrain]

Aaaww hun xxxxxxxx
We are in a terrible situation really and not set up for having our baby at all.....but hey, it's just making us work harder . We were both raised in working class families and had relatively little and although we cannot afford horses and gap years our baby will still be hugely loved, and to me that counts far more than a foreign holiday every year and brand new cars xxxxxxxxxx

 

[BevG]

theres never a right time, and never enough money, we all work it out somehow so dont worry about those things.
the main thing you need to ask yourself is will you regret getting rid. ive never known anyone that regretted keeping their baby no matter what the circumstances.
accidents happen and we can all understand that so i hope noone would judge you harshly for that but that is why there are rules on this forum warning about threads that may turn towards abortion just so your aware.

 

[Bee7]

Hi NoRegrets (is that a hidden clue in your name?!)

This is a toughie. Firstly, nobody can give you an answer to this. The decision is ultimately yours and yours alone. It's good that your boyfriend has said he'll support you either way, that certainly helps.

Like you, my pregnancy was unplanned. I'm totally skint, my relationship is a little rocky at the mo and i've also been trying to put my degree to good use and plan my career. Needless to say this pregnancy has thrown a little spanner in the works. At first i was so shell shocked that i couldn't even begin to comprehend it. You need to give yourself time to get used to the idea. Don't make any rash decisions, you still have time to think things through fully.

What i will say is that after speaking to a lot of people (including people on here) i no longer feel that parenthood and a 'career' are mutually exclusive. Yes, i'll probably have to go down a different route and wait a while but plenty of mothers still manage to have successful and fulfilling careers. I don't know the ins and outs of your job, but i'm pretty sure nobody can get rid of you just for being pregnant. If you're on a contract then you'll be entitled to maternity leave/pay and then you'd have to make the decision whether or not you want to go back later.

Obviously a baby is a huge responsibility and you will have to change your life and sacrifice a lot. This is my first pregnancy so i'm equally as clueless but now that i've got used to the idea a little more i'm actually really positive about the pregnancy and would hate for anything to go wrong now. I hope you make the right decision for you. Good luck xxxxx

 

[NoRegrets]

Thank you for a warning and no i def dont want that, i just wanted to hear someone else advice as i have only told my boyfriend and best mate xxxx

 

[BevG]

your welcome, its your decision but i hope the girls here can offer you some examples to reassure you on what decision you make in the end.

 

[prettypenguin]

I know exactly how you feel, I found out I was pregnant in feb, valentines day in fact
I'd just quit uni and was getting ready to move back home, my boyfriend was still in uni stressing about his dissertation, both of us didn't have jobs and I haven't been around a child properly since my brothers and sisters were young many many years ago.

It's up to you what you decide but a baby doesn't need anything fancy or parents with lots of money, just as long as you love him/her everything else will fall into place and you just manage and get by, my mum had me when she was 16 and she managed it all on her own, it wasn't easy but we're still here today and fine, and I'm sure there will be plenty around you both who are willing to help. We felt alone and didn't know who to tell and thought our parents would wash their hands of us, but it's suprisingly been the exact opposite xxxxxx

 

[stacey_lea86]

I Don't think there's ever a right time to have a baby. I was 18 when I fell pregnant first time round, I was in a fulltime job that I LOVED. My now husband was due to join the Army, which meant he would be leaving us when baby was 2 months old. I was living in a rent-a-room, we shortly moved into his parents who then decided to sell their house. I was not eligible for council housing. So I had to stop gap with our baby while he was training in the army until we got married & got settled.

If I can do it, then so can you. My friend was in uni studying physiotherapy & she changed uni's to be wherever her partner was. If you explain this to your uni. I am sure they will have lots of options for you to carry on studying during your pregnancy & maybe there';s a childcare centre they can recommend for after baby is born (not straight away) for you to carry on. Having a baby doesn't mean everything has to come to a halt!

But ultimately it is your decision. Good luck xxx

 

[Lilelephant]

We have big debts but we r paying them off! We have sat down and budgeted everything to the last penny! U will be able to take time off work but u will have to check ur entitlement ! The can't sack u for being pregnant

 

[natashateale]

I just thought you might want to hear my story.
I was 16 when i fell preg, it was my first sexual partner and i am still with him now 5 years on But i was 16 he was 18, he worked full time as an engineer and me i did volenteer work at a care home as i was in college full time. We both lived with our parents and really we not ready for it but not having the baby just wasnt an option for us! I did my volenteer work right up till i gave birth and i went to college right up till she was born too infact i went into labour at 3.30am thursday morning and i had worked the weekend before and was in College on the wed. It was tiering but i was able to go back to col after about 4months after having baby Unfortunatly i did enjoy what i studied so started working nights at the care home i volenteered at and i am now about to do my level 3 in health and social care to be able to working in a hospital eventually. We stayed at my mums till we were able to get a house which was Jan this year, but we got a mortgage there are other options such as renting and what ever Just because u have a baby doesnt mean u have to given up on ur career, when u feel like u can go back to work after a baby just get a part time job somewhere and start saving a little bit. It can be trust me i have done it Its hard but it is all worth it hun if its what u want

 

[Sleepy sue]

Hi Hun you will probably find your employer will be supportive, the majority are.
You have to do what is right for you, whatever decision you make stays with you forever. Like others have said there is no perfect time to have a child as it does place extra pressures and restrictions on you but it also gives you pleasure beyond anything else.
This is my first and even though I'm still relatively early days I would lay down my life for this lo. Before this I was all career and have climbed the ladder quite successfully but tbh a job is a job you are replaceable in the job Market but you'll never be replaceable to your lo

Good luck in whatever you choose xxx

 

[Immi]

Aww, hun xxxx When I found out I was pregnant, I was just looking for teaching jobs (as had been graduated a few months). We were living in a 1 bedroom flat, totally unprepared. Lewis (my OH) had just started a new job, like you have, but it made him even more determined to work well at it and stick with it. I am so grateful for him and if your partner will be there for you like you say, I'm sure everything will be just fine! I've known Lewis so long, when I first found out I felt like I was a kid and I just wasn't ready (is that weird?! ) but I pulled through and now I can't wait!!! Stay strong x

 

[TiffanyJaynexo]

You won't have to quit work straight away! A lot of women work up until they are 39 weeks pregnant
There's also a lot of benefits/maternity pay you can go on so you'll never be out of money completely, benefits are ideally there to help people despite the fact a lot of people abuse them.

My partner only works 16 hours a week, sometimes more. I'm on income support benefit and I'll also be getting the sure start maternity grant of £500 (which will be very helpful). Although I'm not super financially stable to bring a child up, I still wouldn't change my little girl for anything and I cannot wait to meet her. It's going to be hard I know, but having a baby is hard work anyway!

I think too many people care about money these days, when what you really should be asking yourself is "Do I want this baby?". Having a baby isn't part of a system, it's a life and you need to decide if you want to have it. Being 'financially stable' is brilliant and I admire those who wait to have a baby and plan their future but that doesn't mean they won't be problem-free. Everyone struggles in life, no matter what our circumstances.

Also like the others have said, think carefully and make sure you won't regret something you wish you didn't do. My mum fell pregnant unplanned years and years before me and my siblings were born, but because my dad didn't want children she terminated the pregnancy. She regrets doing it every day of her life and it's so sad to see her feel that way. When I fell pregnant with my baby, my mum reminded me of this even though I was certain I was keeping my baby anyway.

I really wish you the best xxx

 

[BabyBrain]

Hun you will also find that the army community will be incredibly supportive to you both, not only as an employer but also for friendship. Also you can apply for army housing if push comes to shove (although my sister has always rejected this idea) and that way you will find it easier to get somewhere. There's always a solution even when things look really bad. You just need to relax and look after yourself xxxxxxxx