Advice needed pls friends husband has left her with 4 kids

[Trudyscrumptious76]

Hi guys. I don't ever post in here but really need some advice for a friend of mine. I apologise now if its a bit long.

My friends husband had gone off with her best friend. I know the same old cliche. He keeps changing his story Sunday he wanted her to keep the house yesterday he's saying he can't afford to pay the bills so he'll only pay for the kids. They're talking of moving to Spain. He's recently re-mortgaged but says there was no lump sum. He has taken some paper work from the house she's not sure what. She also isn't sure if her name is on the deeds for the house.

It's terrible they have 4 kids and the youngest is only 3 months old. Her heart is broken. The evil B*tch he's gone off with thinks she's unfair asking him to look after all 4 kids at once as he can't cope. She even offered to look after the baby for her!!!!

She really needs to know what to do next. She's already spoken to the tax credit people who have given her the number of their legal team. She's going to Citizens Advice Bureau today.

Do any of you have advice as to what to do to protect her self? She won't be able to work as the youngest 3 are 5, 3, and 3 months.

I'm sorry if it dredges up any painful memories but I really want to help her and her beautiful kids. She doesn't deserve this. She's a lovely person when I had my M/C she was my rock. I want her to get as much as she can.

 

[Krystal]

Aww i'm sorry I don't have advice but what a horrible thing to happen. Glad your friend has someone like you there for her

 

[Trudyscrumptious76]

Thanks for that. We just feel so helpless. Don't know what to do or say. It's awful.

 

[Jade&Evie]

Have they got a joint bank account?

From the sounds of it he has been planning this for quite a while so I would advise if they have a joint account for her to withdraw enough to keep the children warm/fed for the next month in case he starts being a real dick about it.

What kind of friend would do that?! I want to tear apart people who break up families... and don't get me started on what I'd do to him!

I hope your friend can stay strong for her babies

 

[Trudyscrumptious76]

Yes they have. I'll tell her that. She's up for doing whatever she needs to keep the kids in their home warm and fed.

Don't get me started on the so called friend. Everything we've all done for her and this is how she acts. Evil woman. Thinks my friend should just get over it now she knows.

 

[Babylicious]

even if the house is soley in his name he can't sell up unless she agrees - shes entitled to stay there until the youngest is 16

 

[reallyoldmum]

Oh Trudy your poor friend - its great advice about the joint account but tell her to get it out of that one and into another one as soon as possible - dont tell the bank what is going on as they may freeze the account!! If they have any savings I would move them too - she may well have to give him half back but in the meantime at least he wont be spending it!!

Was it a joint mortgage? If it was she is within her rights to ring the mortgage company to ask how much was remortgaged. Also if they have had the mortgage for over 6 months with the same company she may well be able to get a mortgage holiday for 6 months - that may help with these first few weeks......

She will almost definately be entitled to some sort of financial help - its horrid but get her to speak to the benefit people and I would also get her to make an appointment with a good solicitor as soon as too - dont let her go for the cheapest one necessarily but try and find one that people recommend - I know when I went through this I wish I had paid a little more as mine was hopeless although he was cheaper than the rest!! She may well be entitled to legal aid but she needs to take as much cash and stash it before she speaks to the solicitor (they will advise against taking any joint assets!!)

In respect of the other woman - what goes around comes around and believe me in a couple of years she will be so suspicious of him - once a cheater always a cheater in my book and she knows that he has no issues with being a deceiptful pig!!

Lots of TLC and a large bottle of wine are the last of my suggestions - good girl friends are amazing at times like this x x x x

 

[reallyoldmum]

Oh one last thing - speak to the council and tell them he has moved out she will be immediately entitled to a reduction in her council tax

 

[Trudyscrumptious76]

Ah thanks guys. I'll tell her all that. She'll be glad to get some advice from people who know. She's just keeping it together for the kids but at night just cries. She's going to stay with her sis this weekend so that'll do her some good getting away.

She not on the mortgage so is looking for the papers to see what happend. Is she better thinking the worst and not trusting him? It all seems so mercenary.

 

[reallyoldmum]

I wouldnt trust him as far as she can throw him!! Men loose all morals when they get there mate out of their trousers in my experience!! Get her to secure as much cash as she can as soon as she can - she can always give it back.

As it has already been said, they are his children if she has been staying at home and supporting them and him whilst he works she is still entitled to half of it all as long as they are married!! They will look at the equity in the house they may have to sell as long as there is enough for her to provide a home for the children but that would take ages! On the plus side if it is only his name on the mortgage and he defaults on the payments it is only him that will get the bad credit history and they will not be able to throw her and 4 children out without it taking a very very long legal process. Tell her to keep calm and try not to panic - get her benefits sorted and dont worry about making the mortgage payments - give herself time and dont agree to anything he suggests

I hope his willy falls off - and with regards to the other woman I just cannot understand women that do this to their friends!!

 

[Trudyscrumptious76]

I hope his willy falls off - and with regards to the other woman I just cannot understand women that do this to their friends!!

That made me smile. She's on her way to see a solicitor with a friend who used him and he's good. Hopefully she can get the ball rolling and get rid of him ASAP. She did work but only part time when he could look after the kids to bring a bit extra in the house. Of course now he's gone she can't work. It always comes down to money.

 

[Loola]

Trudy, what an awful time she must be having, I dont have anything to add really as the ladies have already given such good advice, but send her some hugs from me anyway.

My god if my best mate stole my hubby from me I would kill her, and him, slowly. Its the worst possible betrayal of trust.

 

[Suzie and Faith]

Give her some hugs for me, she has a lot to deal with right now doesn't she!
It sounds like you are being a great friend. I'm sure she will be able to get the help she needs legally from all the things she is doing now.
All you can do is be there for her, maybe make sure she isn't too lonely etc.

I really hope she gets herself sorted and that karma catches up with her husband!

 

[emx279]

my advice from people i know that have been though this, start divorce procedings, as the house is morgaged(sorry cant spell) he will still have to pay a sum on the morgagee until the youngest turns 18, it shouldnt matter if her names not on the deeds has he is obliged to house his kids therefore it cant be sold until the oldest child is 18, or both partys agree to sell it. the judge also works out who gets what from the sale of the house.

This man just cant walk away from his kids and leave then nothing, if he works then he should be paying maintence for them, again untill there 18, this hussy of a friend should engage the fact that he has 4 kids and is therefore taken them all on as well as him, he should have to look after all 4 at once, oh poor him if he cant cope, his hussy should keep out of it as it has nothing to do with her. I feel for your friend and want to send her loads of this in time she will move on and relise she should find someone that deserves her, as he will only do this to your ex friend in time.

 

[babydust]

god only just seen this trudy, your poor friend, what a bloody bast**d and what friend would do that it really does sound like he has been planning it if he has just remorgaged a few months ago, the 2 of them probabally organised it, was she ever on the morgage has he maybe just remorgaged it in his name, i thought they would have needed her approval to take her name off, she should maybe phone the morgage company up and find out.

 

[DaisyRose]

Hi Trudy,

Really sorry to hear about your friend. All the advice I could give has already been said but I just wanted to say that I really feel for your friend as I too am facing a possible breakup (fortunately there is no one else involved and I will have 3 kids but the fear and pain is still horrendous).

I must say, the guy sounds really devious, and as someone else said, I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him!!! Your friend obviously really trusted him and it sounds to me like he's attempted to stitch her up financially and with the house as well as emotionally; I assume you're talking about him moving to Spain - that'll suit him fine because the CSA probably won't be able to do much to make him pay!!! I definitely think she's doing the right thing getting immediate legal advice and the friend, well......words cannot describe.......

I really hope she can stay strong and not let this dreadful pair destroy her life; afterall she's got something that they haven't - 4 lovely children who I'm guessing absolutely adore her.

 

[Trudyscrumptious76]

Thanks so much for all the advice guys. I showed her your posts last night. I think it made her better to not feel alone. Unfortunately there seems to be no shortage of scummy men out there.

The solicitor she saw sounds great. Sadly on paper she earns more than him because she's still receiving maternity pay and tax and childcare credits. The solicitor told her to hold on til the maternity runs out and then she'll qualify for legal aid.

Today she's going to Citizens Advice Bureau to see about benefits etc. My DH is changing the locks on her house today. He doesn't live there so why should he have a key???

The eldest DD is taking it well she's 13 and saw it coming long before we did. So young but so wise!

The next 2 kids break my heart. I was putting them to bed last night and the DD who is 3 was sobbing for her dad. The evil s*d didn't even textto see how his youngest is who has just gone down with chicken pox. 3 month old baby and he just doesn't care.

I don't understand it. We'd give anything to have kids like his and he's just walking away.

Anyway she's staying strong and had lots of friends and family rallying round. Sorry your going through this too Daisy. Try and stay strong too. Men eh?!

She thanks you all for the advice and so do I. You've been great.