Advice needed please

[Maximus17]

Hiya as some of you might know I had a laparoscopy and hystescopy last week. At that time my husband and my daughter both got a cold with me having an operation it was very hard on my husband to care for both of us and work. We have no family near by. Anyway so he had a slight change of heart and doesn’t want to TTC anymore so we had a long chat today and he kept saying he is happy with one child and he just wants to provide her everything he can also his work commitments is a problem. I got very emotional about this as I know deep down one is enough for us but I really want to try for another. Anyway I came up with this compromise that we try till end of January and if it doesn’t happen by than I will let go. He was happy with this as at least somewhere in between but now I am panicking as I have to get pregnant soon. The reason for writing here one I wanted to share what I am going through and looking for an emotional support and two is I want to be able to come here and share my journey about TTC. It’s such a shame that my husband is not as keen as me for a second baby but he said he will not regret if we have one but I think he just doesn’t want to upset what we have now. Thanks for listening now I have to try to get pregnant ASAP.

 

[LuckyLaura]

I'm so sorry that you're feeling under so much pressure now to get pregnant immediately. Hugsss. You've really had a rough time lately. I'm sad he has had a change of heart I know that it must have been hard for him but at the same time it was just a short period of time I hope he comes round xx

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[Alexis2017]

I can't really offer much guidance other than if you don't have a 2nd baby try and focus on what you have other than what you want. Maybe he will change his mind. Good luck x

 

[JaneyJan]

Sorry to hear this Maximus. The problem is you can't control whether you will get pregnant in this time frame or not, although we can all relate to feeling like "it must happen". From what you've written it seems as though your OH has no issue with having another child, although he's happy with having just the one, maybe it's just the trying element that he doesn't want right now and maybe the pressure that always comes for any couple. I agree that things might well change as months etc. go by.

Maybe you can suggest not trying but also not preventing after January? Xxxx I hope you begin to feel better about this soon. And hope you do get pregnant soon!

 

[Sunflower1]

It doesn't sound like much of a compromise...it sounds like a huge amount of pressure! If you really want another child then maybe you can keep talking. He's just had so much to deal with recently...it might be that he's been a bit tired and overwhelmed and is trying to simplify things. He's just been ill which can make you feel down too. I'd give him some time, maybe take the pressure off a little with TTC...just make it seem like you are in a sexy mood - focus on connecting and intimacy. I wouldn't end the conversation like this...what happens if you don'f conceive by January - will you feel resentful? I would.

He hasn't said no, just that he's not keen and won't regret it. I'd focus on your relationship for a while and take the pressure off but don't give up. We got so stressed out TTC that the sex got really stressful and upsetting. You don't need a deadline!!

Hugs xx

 

[Maximus17]

Thanks all it’s not an easy compromise but I am hoping I get pregnant in 3 months if not than I think I will be ok to stop trying for a bit to take the pressure off but after a couple of months he might be ok to try again. And you all right saying that he won’t regret another child but he is content with one. But he is the kind of person that he is always content with what he has already where as I always trying for the next thing. I wi keeep you updated

 

[KatD]

Why not just take a break from TTC? I'd rather take a six month or a year break than placing so much pressure on myself with a very final ending if not pregnant by January. Maybe he, like sunflower said, just needs a breather with everything you all have been through?

 

[Maximus17]

I would love to have the luxury to take a break but I will be 40 next year and I have been told by several doctors that I need to hurry up if I want another as I think partly it’s my age and the problems I had with endometriosis and scarring so I do feel like it’s now or never

 

[KatD]

I'm sorry hun xxx are you able to speak to the doctors about additional help with getting pregnant asap? I'm just thinking if you have only a small window of opportunity it's best to get everyone on board?

 

[Maximus17]

Al they advise me to have regular sex but it’s so hard to find the time to do it regularly so I bought ovulation sticks again hoping to time it well. But I just have a feeling it will happen soon. Fingers crossed

 

[MoominGirl]

Hope it all works out for you Maximus.

 

[rachelD]

Why not just take a break from TTC? I'd rather take a six month or a year break than placing so much pressure on myself with a very final ending if not pregnant by January. Maybe he, like sunflower said, just needs a breather with everything you all have been through?

agree with this 100%, sometimes the pressure is the problem.

 

[Sunflower1]

I would love to have the luxury to take a break but I will be 40 next year and I have been told by several doctors that I need to hurry up if I want another as I think partly it’s my age and the problems I had with endometriosis and scarring so I do feel like it’s now or never

That's a lot of pressure. GPs in the UK will tell you to get a move on before 40 as that's when the NHS cuts off funding for fertility treatment. If you want NHS fertility treatment you need to get referred before you turn 40. Plenty of women are having children in their early 40s so you can probably afford a few months off and the benefit of not being stressed out of your head will help.

I know it's really hard...I got into a negative stress cycle about getting older this year (I turn 42 next week). Every cycle got worse and worse and we both felt more and more pressure. We've got into a better headspace now but it's taken a bit of work.