A Death for a Life

[oldermum]

Not a very nice subject but each time i have been pregnant someone i know has died.

I had/have it in my head that i need to lose someone to make sure my babes will be ok and today i found out who that person will be

One of my OH friends is slipping away, he has terminal cancer, he was on kemo until last week and thought he may pull through but he has been transfered to a last place of residence for cancer patients and from what i've been told he'll go to heaven soon.

It's so shitty,i have it in my head that he needs to die for my baby.

Debs

 

[missac]

it sounds awful for you, there is no easy solution to this so I will just send you a great big cuddle

 

[Tara & Liam]

i believe the same as you older mum. when i was pregnant with number one, my dad died 6 feb 4 and kieran was born 27 march. with number 2, joshua was born in May and my stepdad died in July. with number 3, my lovely next door neighbour died just after christmas and liam was born in january.

i thought that i was the only one that thought this.

 

[violet-glow]

**slaps oldermum in the face with a big wet fish**

Listen you please dont think like that. Its very unfortunate that someone is diying that you know while you are pregnant. But you cant think thats the reason why they are diying. Easier said than done eh... but please dont think like that. Your baby is one of lifes little miracles and unfortunately death is an everyday occurrence. Im sure your OHs mate and whoever has pastover will be looking out for you and your family and thinking about slapping you with a wet fish aswell for thinking like that lol

Keep that pecker of yours up hun and dont blame yourself. You have the most precious little person growing inside you. Dont let those nasty pregnancy hormones get to you. Its not your fault sweety x

 

[gingerpig]

I wonder - do you have it in your head as a fixed belief or as a something you've noticed happen every time you've been pregnant? I know for me being pregnant is highlighting everything around me - everyone knows in theory that pregnancy can make you more emotional, but the experience of that is something quite different. Like Missac, I don't think it's something easy to explain so I'm not going to try to do that. It may be a similar thing to what I've been experiencing with my pregnancy - my mother had stillbirths at 6 and 4.5 months and a miscarriage at 3 before she had me, plus an elderly friend who lost a few pregnancies at 4.5 months. So every time this pregnancy (my first) has passed one of those milestones, its made me feel a little bit better about being pregnancy and more positive about the pregnancy going full term and being ok. In my rational mind, I know this is meaningless, but in my pregnancy, protecting my baby mind it comes up. So maybe it's kind of the same for you? Also, I reckon birth and death being such natural opposites, means perhaps we are more drawn to think about one when we're experiencing the other? My father died this time last year, and it was so lovely because the final nurse who cared for him in ITU was really heavily pregnant, which felt like a great omen. Not sure sure what of, but it was lovely to see the beginning of new life just as an old one was passing.

 

[tracyM]

I've lost somebody close in every pregnancy - my grandma with Daniel, Stuarts uncle with Callum, my aunty with Charlotte. We thought it was going to be my mum with Alex but it was my uncle.

I do believe in 'a circle of life' but try to look at it positively. If somebody is going to die in order to give my baby life, certain aspects of the dead person are passed on to the new life and the dead person watches over them as a kind of angel. I'd rather the life angel was somebody I knew. Everybody has to die, and if my baby can keep the memory alive by being like them in some way, it makes it easier to come to terms with.

 

[BubbleOne]

As morbid as it is, I believe in this too.

Although in a way it's quite beautiful. If you know what I mean?

My uncle was diagnosed with cancer when I was about 6weeks pregnant. He died when I was 4mths pregnant. As a family we all believe he was kind enough to make way for Phoebe.

 

[Helen]

Debs

Sorry to hear about your OH's friend. I'm with you on this too. My Gramps died this summer a few weeks after being told he would be a great-grandfather with my brothers child. It's like it's ok to go and the timing is right.

I can't deny I was terrified when OH's Mum got so ill and we nearly lost her during our 2ww after IVF, but luckily she's making a great recovery and we can breathe a sigh of relief.

My Gramps has been in my mind a lot the last few weeks and I feel as though he is looking down on me too at the moment. I know he would have been absolutely chuffed to bits with our news and that gives me a lot of comfort.

 

[littlebump]

My DH's cousin was pregnant and tragically had to have a VERY late termination as she became ill with overian cancer and needed immediate chemo/radiotherapy. So sad for her that her baby had to die to try and save her and equally sad that that the treatment would probably make her infertile. But it turned out to be futile as the cancer spread and she died last year when I was PG with Maddie - it was all very sad as she was only 20 but it did make us talk about life and death in a similar way

It's just coincidence though. I've known someone who has died probably six out of the last seven years. It's just when you're pregnant you feel the tragedy of it more and it makes you ponder about your new life growing - I suppose it makes death seem more poignant.

LBxx

 

[Lyn_no3]

i really believe this too, i thought i must be the only one cos whenever i mention it to family they just laugh n call me paranoid.
when i was pregnant with alex my grandma died, when i was pregnant with chris my grandad died and when i was pregnant with ryan my father in law died

how weird is that, i'm dreading being pregnant this time as i have no idea who it might be

 

[oldermum]

Thanks all for your replies.

I no longer feel i'm the only one this has happened too, it doesn't make it better, but to know that someone special will be watching over us gives me sadness but peace if you know what i mean.

to all of you.

Debs

ps Violet-glow:-

Im sure your OHs mate and whoever has pastover will be looking out for you and your family and thinking about slapping you with a wet fish aswell for thinking like that

He's a fisherman,thats what he loves the most,and i could imagine he would really do that.

 

[Lyndsey]

My great Grandma died when I was 4 months pregnant. My grandmother has said she passed to allow new life and to allow her to become a great grandmo if that makes sense!!

 

[oldermum]

John died on Wednesday. He's being laid to rest when i have my booking app at the hospital on Thursday. I'd break my heart if i went to the funeral and hope he's watching me from wherever he is.

John.

 

[angiemum2b]

I'm soooo sorry for your loss oldermum!

Big hugs to you and he will be watching over you smiling down x x

 

[Riley's Mommy]

thats awfull ((hugs))

i know what you mean. my OH said in his family when someone has a baby someone dies. he is worried about his gran who hasnt been very well lately.

but im trying not to think like that.

 

[kellie80]

I have been thinking about this too! When Jess was a baby my nan got lung cancer and died. Now after i had Aimee my dad was diagnosed with cancer so i'm wondering who its gonna be when the next one is born.

 

[Minime]

Me and my 2 sisters were all pregnant at the same time. My nan held on until DD was born which was the last of the 3 and she just got to meet her. I believe in it too, I know its morbid but something Ive been aware of.

 

[bagpuss]

You know I believe in this too.When I found out that I was expecting,I went round my neighbours to tell them,because we are very close,and I wanted them to know before anyone else on the estate.I told them my good news,and they told me some bad news - my neighbour George had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer,on the same day
I gave birth on the 28th of May,and George passed away on the 30th,God Bless him.
I just found this weird,and when me and June talk about it,we always say it was like "a life for a life"

 

[xjdx]

My grandma was like my other mum she was brilliant, she died on sept 25, my due date was the 26th sept and i had taylor on the 27th sept! And unknown to me my waters had gone in the bath the day my grandma died! I believe having Taylor helped my family to overcome their grief, i know if taylor hadnt of come i would of been besides myself!