seraphim
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Jun 17, 2012
- Messages
- 103
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Hi,
I came to the forum trying to find other women who were feeling and going through similar things to me emotionally ttc.
Im a mum already,each time unplanned.
Im 36 and have been broody for 3 years plus now but only very recently was able to ttc.
Although its been maybe September of last year since we stopped trying to avoid pregnancy,for me its been years emotionally ,mentally,that ive longed for a baby again and im finding it very difficult to deal with.
I now know my age brings this sense of urgency into the equation and my drs and fertility waiting lists and cut off age limits for fertility aid have suddenly come into things and its thrown me for a loop.
my OH is low in sperm count,my dr took blood to test for ovulation in me which seemed to be fine,ive got PCOS and endementriosis.
the PCOS and endemetriosis were always just conditions i had to me.Now and it does seem almost like overnight (maybe been a mnth or two ) theyre potential stumbling blocks.
Originally when we started it was easy going,an exciting thing.
I had a strage Af in April,was 5 days late.Id thought i was pregnant,had made that transition in my mind from not allowing myself to get excited to accepting in my own mind i was pregnant.
Was devastated when AF appeared and it brought back emitons id supressed from a MC some time back.
It was around that time,when id begun looking up the usual youre pregnant wahey! stuff on the internet that i became aware of the more urgent approach to ttc from 36 upwards there is.
Since its been gradually becoming almost an obsession.It hurts so badly dealing with others pregnancies and new babies.I try to keep it at arms length but i find it extremely difficult and the longer time goes on the worse it gets.
In real terms we havent been ttc as long as many,but for me ive been waiting for over 3 years mentally,emotionally and its driving me crazy.
my gp practise apart from one dr has had a poor attitude to a potential pregnancy for me,one laughed thinking it was incredulous another just plain appared to think it would be a bad idea.
The one dr who has been fine about it is leaving imminantly and im scared,genuinely worried when he does the referal to fertility wont be made or would be delayed because of this attitude the drs have towards me having a baby.
Theres no medical issues and no family support issues why they would behave in such a way and the fact that my possible pregnancy in te future might be side lined because of them,taking into account that time is apparently of the essence due to age too just compounds the frustration i feel already.
My OH has said he will try to quit smoking in an attempt to up his sperm count.
I waver between some excitement and anticipation of the joy and pregnancy experience,feeling inside that will be me in the future and feeling fragile and worried and scared and paniced that what if there is something wrong and it takes ages to unearth the problem and what if i have less time with fertility clinic because of this.
The dr i like has said go see him on his last day,towards the end of July unless i conceive before then and he will try to refer to the fertility clinic given it will then have been just shy of a year and hope the other drs dont vito the referal because its a few weeks short of the 12 months of trying youre supposed to have done already.
I feel i have nobody to talk to,Im surrounded my people who know none of this stuff im going through,i dont want anyone to know we are trying,i dont feel i can repeatedly raise my feelings to my OH for concern im going to start making him feel pressure too and i just realised a few days ago how utterly lonely and on my own in this i feel.
I came to the forum trying to find other women who were feeling and going through similar things to me emotionally ttc.
Im a mum already,each time unplanned.
Im 36 and have been broody for 3 years plus now but only very recently was able to ttc.
Although its been maybe September of last year since we stopped trying to avoid pregnancy,for me its been years emotionally ,mentally,that ive longed for a baby again and im finding it very difficult to deal with.
I now know my age brings this sense of urgency into the equation and my drs and fertility waiting lists and cut off age limits for fertility aid have suddenly come into things and its thrown me for a loop.
my OH is low in sperm count,my dr took blood to test for ovulation in me which seemed to be fine,ive got PCOS and endementriosis.
the PCOS and endemetriosis were always just conditions i had to me.Now and it does seem almost like overnight (maybe been a mnth or two ) theyre potential stumbling blocks.
Originally when we started it was easy going,an exciting thing.
I had a strage Af in April,was 5 days late.Id thought i was pregnant,had made that transition in my mind from not allowing myself to get excited to accepting in my own mind i was pregnant.
Was devastated when AF appeared and it brought back emitons id supressed from a MC some time back.
It was around that time,when id begun looking up the usual youre pregnant wahey! stuff on the internet that i became aware of the more urgent approach to ttc from 36 upwards there is.
Since its been gradually becoming almost an obsession.It hurts so badly dealing with others pregnancies and new babies.I try to keep it at arms length but i find it extremely difficult and the longer time goes on the worse it gets.
In real terms we havent been ttc as long as many,but for me ive been waiting for over 3 years mentally,emotionally and its driving me crazy.
my gp practise apart from one dr has had a poor attitude to a potential pregnancy for me,one laughed thinking it was incredulous another just plain appared to think it would be a bad idea.
The one dr who has been fine about it is leaving imminantly and im scared,genuinely worried when he does the referal to fertility wont be made or would be delayed because of this attitude the drs have towards me having a baby.
Theres no medical issues and no family support issues why they would behave in such a way and the fact that my possible pregnancy in te future might be side lined because of them,taking into account that time is apparently of the essence due to age too just compounds the frustration i feel already.
My OH has said he will try to quit smoking in an attempt to up his sperm count.
I waver between some excitement and anticipation of the joy and pregnancy experience,feeling inside that will be me in the future and feeling fragile and worried and scared and paniced that what if there is something wrong and it takes ages to unearth the problem and what if i have less time with fertility clinic because of this.
The dr i like has said go see him on his last day,towards the end of July unless i conceive before then and he will try to refer to the fertility clinic given it will then have been just shy of a year and hope the other drs dont vito the referal because its a few weeks short of the 12 months of trying youre supposed to have done already.
I feel i have nobody to talk to,Im surrounded my people who know none of this stuff im going through,i dont want anyone to know we are trying,i dont feel i can repeatedly raise my feelings to my OH for concern im going to start making him feel pressure too and i just realised a few days ago how utterly lonely and on my own in this i feel.
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i cant express how much of a relief it is just to not find im by myself in how i feel and what kind of things are going through my mind.
