3 year old trouble

[Hunnie]

Basically he's coming up 3 this year and he does not behave. When in public he runs round and is into absolutely everything and when asked to come back pulls a sulk and pulls away from you and does one again (or only with me?! I dont know). He constantly shouts repeating his self even if you've already had a conversation, not brilliant when next to a sleeping baby whos not long been asleep! And generally doesn't do as he's told, for example standing up in his high chair at the table whilst everyone has their meal and refuses to sit down.

I honestly don't even know what to do. OH is scared of sorting his behaviour (there are more examples than above but I'm too tired to remember) in case it means he stops wanting to come to his dads and I haven't the tolerance at all to be around children that can't behave when asked to :/. At the minute it's going to end up meaning that Sunday's is just going to be me and Sophie day (like every other?!) because I personally feel his behaviour isn't too a good enough standard to go out in public with especially as he doesn't listen :/. I've known him for over a year now and I've really tried but he just won't warm to me at all and is quite distant.

 

[Sarah13]

By your OH not setting boundaries and telling him off he's not going to learn and just get worse. He should have a chat with the boys mother about it so that they are disciplining the same way for the same issues. I always used to chat with my dd father about stuff like this so she understood and we weren't confusing her, despite a very messy break up when she was 2. Even now we have the same rules etc and she's almost 15. You will also need to tell him no once the boundaries are set, often with a child this age a quick no then distraction works. He will probably also be playing up a bit because of the new baby, my nephew did this when my niece was born for a few weeks until he got used to her being around.

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[Jayceesmumma]

By your OH not setting boundaries and telling him off he's not going to learn and just get worse. He should have a chat with the boys mother about it so that they are disciplining the same way for the same issues. I always used to chat with my dd father about stuff like this so she understood and we weren't confusing her, despite a very messy break up when she was 2. Even now we have the same rules etc and she's almost 15. You will also need to tell him no once the boundaries are set, often with a child this age a quick no then distraction works. He will probably also be playing up a bit because of the new baby, my nephew did this when my niece was born for a few weeks until he got used to her being around.

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Exactly what I was going to say.. If ur OH allows certain behaviour he will push and push to see what else he can get away with! Nip this in the bud now while u can!! He will always want to see his dad there's no doubt about that no matter how strict ur OH is!
Must be hard for him to understand the new baby with new partner.. My girls are 7 and 4 and can't really understand fully.. (without telling them about birds and bees!!) maybe ur OH should spend time alone with him, which will give u a break too!! Not too much time tho or he will think his bad behaviour gets him more attention.. Maybe say 'if ur good daddy will take u to the shop' or something? A reward that will get him more attention..
Good luck babe xx

 

[Hunnie]

OH and the mother don't really talk at all tbh mainly I think because they were never actually together and he doesn't like upsetting her. I want to support him in sorting him out but he's scared to do it I think and it will most definitely put a strain on our relationship. Im going to talk to him tonight about it as so far next Sunday come 10am ill be going out .

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Shouldn't keep the kids seperate they are brother and sister.. He needs to communicate with his mother they can't bring up a child with no communication.. Something ur oh will have to do at some point it's better sooner rather than later!xx

 

[Sarah13]

I agree he needs to speak to the boys mother as at the end of the day they have a child together and it will only lead to more problems as he gets older when he says to his mum "dad lets me do this or that" she will then be more likely to cause problems about him seeing his son. He might be feeling confused and pushed out by new baby, he is only 3 remember, maybe include him and do stuff together. Ignore the bad behaviour and reward the good.

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[Hunnie]

I think by the advice given I'll stay in on sunday with them but I just don't know what to do with myself when the behaviour begins to irritate me. I think part of it is just being overtired myself. I dont feel I can tell him off as he doesn't listen to me at all whether he's behaving or not and part of me feels it's not my job to really anyway if OH isnt?!
The only time he's ever really been alright with me is when we took him to Chester zoo this summer and I spent the day talking to him about the animals so I'm thinking do an activity in the house first and then work towards going out. All the family went out yesterday and SIL tried to get me to bowl with him and i did but he was having none of it where I was concerned but was ok with everyone else. He doesn't really do drawing, do you think he's too young to make biscuits or cakes? Probably biscuits cos it's more a solid mix so less mess at first?
I have made the effort with him before Sophie arrived but i have to admit I didn't see him most of the pregnancy because he always went to MILs and the smells in her house made me so poorly so I avoided going, so I guess that's affected it a lot.

I don't think his mother thinks there's an issue because as a family I wouldn't say they'd been brought up the best if you know what I mean. :/
Forgot to add i think it's also difficult because we don't actually know who he thinks OH is as he doesnt really call him dad much and instead seems to call her OH daddy :/. OH has always been around from day one, do you think he will have some idea?

 

[Jayceesmumma]

That's not right he alls someone else daddy when his dad is still actively in his life!
Maybe baking cookies will help the bond between u both?? He needs to talk to the mother about being called dad he needs to understand or he will think this other guy is his dad and ur OH is some bloke he visits.. Also needs to be disciplined! It's ur OHs job to do it and you should be able to tell him off too! My OH tells the girls off when they are naughty and so he should.. We are a family.. What's gonna happen when ur LO has grown up? She will be told off but her brother won't? It's a serious issue that needs fixing ASAP before it gets out of hand!

 

[Hunnie]

Im glad I'm not the only one that thinks so JM you've said some really good points that I'll put to OH

 

[Jayceesmumma]

I hope things get better babe I really do! The girls used to push my oh coz they knew they could but now he tells them off they've stopped..xx