LucyAnn
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Feb 18, 2011
- Messages
- 932
- Reaction score
- 0
Hiya again just getting it off me chest n rambling on sorry to bore you all & agin no need to reply lol
So follow on from the night before, last night he came, still didnt ask him in my home because of his previous behaviuor we went for a drive for what seemed like hours but with how hot it was the cool breeze was lovely. He was just talking in general to me and still seemed like this new changed person, was asking how i had felt that day, sickness , eating, baby kicking etc.
We didnt get down to nitty gritty til he dropped me off, we then sat up talking in his car till midnight (the latest night ive had since being pregnant, dirty stop out!)
We covered quite a lot , I told him how hard its been for me growth scans, monitoring, car crash, being alone , financially , stress he has put me under in general and the aggressive tine last month etc and he just kinda looked embarrassed by himself and his previous actions etc he said sorry (i couldnt look in his eyes)
He said again it was only wednesday reality hit him when his sister had said only 6 days left, he said it was like someone flicked a switch and that baby is priority now etc
He then all night was asking 'have your waters broke yet' we were going over speedbumps alot etc but he was being serious lmao!!
He started saying 'i cant wait for labour to start whatever time or day i will dart over and even if you are in there 5 hours or 5 days i will not leave'
'I said thats lovely but I already have the labour planned, with my mom' He said thats ok but still let me know when you go in labour i just want to be at hospital when it happens, he said his heart will sink if he just gets a call days after to say its all happenned etc That touched me but with his aggressive behaviou to some extent its his doing he will not be at birth and he realises that now and that he left it too late. I was just honest I said a birth partner is there for support for me, after how you were last time i saw you and having no support from you the last few months thought having you there would stress me etc
I said to him, the only 3 things i want from him, is to a) never flare up at me again aggressively (he said im sorry will never happen again he hasnt got that anger in him the last 2 days & things that would piss him off arent anymore)
b)Please do not contact my family (once he showed up at flat unanounced i wasnt in, nasty texts later syaing he werent leaving till he saw me, he even phone my mom etc.) He said he saw that was the only way i would talk to him. But is said you put my fam n friends under so much stress didnt know what you were capable of etc& Its mine and his life and decisions looking ahead everyone elses opinions and thoughts are not required, its us for the next 18 years!
c)be understanding. I said obviously i know now you have booked 2 weeks off from work. & I will try and accomadate you to see the baby alot but because you have only told me about these 2 weeks last night, it would have been better a month ago and we could have properly made the most of them. So in terms of understanding with those 2 weeks I said if you cant see baby as much as you like you cant get mad. I just said i will be breastfeeding etc and if i am geniunly tired you cant just show up on my door banging etc. He said he wouldnt. &Also future access we both said we will talk about it when baby actually here etc. All i said was I appreciate your working hours so will be more lineant to accomodate a time best around those, but again if ever that day needed to be changed or baby asleep or feeding etc dont flare up at me etc he said he wouldnt.
I just got across I want to be amicable, stress free and wil never be a bitch and stand in way.
So if i ever turned down him a visit i dont want him slagging me off saying i never let him see baby i want him to understand o its because baby had a n unsettled night or whatever the geniune reason is.
I said i was so glad he is being amicable and that switch has flicked. I said because of how long its took you, yes you have missed out on things, scans movements, buying things together ,preparing things and prob will be alot of things you miss out on looking ahead, but i did follow that on with its just a shame you didnt approach me like this a month ago as there would was enough time to make other arrangements etc and consider what you wanted more unlike last minute.
He said he wishes that too.
He did feel bump again alot and said anytime i need anything whatever time he will be there he said he cares for me and baby and wants to be there for us both.(This was so lovely to hear, but i kept my guard up in my mind as we all know how his behavious has fluctuated etc it will take alot of time for me to rely on him and in a weird way dont want to much emotional support etc as really I will be being a mommy 90% of the time by myself im gonna stay independent)
We both wish he had got to this stage earlier but atleast he is there now, I iwll always keep my guard up as it was only a month ago he was threatening me allsorts so who knows if his new behaviour is trustworthy, time will tell.....
seeing him last night & night before made me realise defo all my feelings have gone for him, Deep down i could never forgive him for how hes treated me but was still alittle awww to think just months ago we were engaged liveing together in a house mortgage applied and decorating a nursery!
I feel like a weight off shoulders, may actually enjoy the last few days of pregnancy now xxxxxxxxx
i was stern & said about birth however quick i notify him will be for the best intrest of me n baby, But has made me think i might allow him to visit in hosp (atleast he will be stuck to visting hours then i can rest a few days at my moms without worrying to get home so he can see them there). Until last night i was just gonna let him visit a few days after but if i get the first visit done at hosp that might bide me some time to chill at moms, rather than being at moms panicking from day 1 to get back to flat for first visit ??. Will just do whats best and not pressure myself spose theres no right or wrong just opinions of others etc.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
So follow on from the night before, last night he came, still didnt ask him in my home because of his previous behaviuor we went for a drive for what seemed like hours but with how hot it was the cool breeze was lovely. He was just talking in general to me and still seemed like this new changed person, was asking how i had felt that day, sickness , eating, baby kicking etc.
We didnt get down to nitty gritty til he dropped me off, we then sat up talking in his car till midnight (the latest night ive had since being pregnant, dirty stop out!)
We covered quite a lot , I told him how hard its been for me growth scans, monitoring, car crash, being alone , financially , stress he has put me under in general and the aggressive tine last month etc and he just kinda looked embarrassed by himself and his previous actions etc he said sorry (i couldnt look in his eyes)
He said again it was only wednesday reality hit him when his sister had said only 6 days left, he said it was like someone flicked a switch and that baby is priority now etc
He then all night was asking 'have your waters broke yet' we were going over speedbumps alot etc but he was being serious lmao!!
He started saying 'i cant wait for labour to start whatever time or day i will dart over and even if you are in there 5 hours or 5 days i will not leave'
'I said thats lovely but I already have the labour planned, with my mom' He said thats ok but still let me know when you go in labour i just want to be at hospital when it happens, he said his heart will sink if he just gets a call days after to say its all happenned etc That touched me but with his aggressive behaviou to some extent its his doing he will not be at birth and he realises that now and that he left it too late. I was just honest I said a birth partner is there for support for me, after how you were last time i saw you and having no support from you the last few months thought having you there would stress me etc
I said to him, the only 3 things i want from him, is to a) never flare up at me again aggressively (he said im sorry will never happen again he hasnt got that anger in him the last 2 days & things that would piss him off arent anymore)
b)Please do not contact my family (once he showed up at flat unanounced i wasnt in, nasty texts later syaing he werent leaving till he saw me, he even phone my mom etc.) He said he saw that was the only way i would talk to him. But is said you put my fam n friends under so much stress didnt know what you were capable of etc& Its mine and his life and decisions looking ahead everyone elses opinions and thoughts are not required, its us for the next 18 years!
c)be understanding. I said obviously i know now you have booked 2 weeks off from work. & I will try and accomadate you to see the baby alot but because you have only told me about these 2 weeks last night, it would have been better a month ago and we could have properly made the most of them. So in terms of understanding with those 2 weeks I said if you cant see baby as much as you like you cant get mad. I just said i will be breastfeeding etc and if i am geniunly tired you cant just show up on my door banging etc. He said he wouldnt. &Also future access we both said we will talk about it when baby actually here etc. All i said was I appreciate your working hours so will be more lineant to accomodate a time best around those, but again if ever that day needed to be changed or baby asleep or feeding etc dont flare up at me etc he said he wouldnt.
I just got across I want to be amicable, stress free and wil never be a bitch and stand in way.
So if i ever turned down him a visit i dont want him slagging me off saying i never let him see baby i want him to understand o its because baby had a n unsettled night or whatever the geniune reason is.
I said i was so glad he is being amicable and that switch has flicked. I said because of how long its took you, yes you have missed out on things, scans movements, buying things together ,preparing things and prob will be alot of things you miss out on looking ahead, but i did follow that on with its just a shame you didnt approach me like this a month ago as there would was enough time to make other arrangements etc and consider what you wanted more unlike last minute.
He said he wishes that too.
He did feel bump again alot and said anytime i need anything whatever time he will be there he said he cares for me and baby and wants to be there for us both.(This was so lovely to hear, but i kept my guard up in my mind as we all know how his behavious has fluctuated etc it will take alot of time for me to rely on him and in a weird way dont want to much emotional support etc as really I will be being a mommy 90% of the time by myself im gonna stay independent)
We both wish he had got to this stage earlier but atleast he is there now, I iwll always keep my guard up as it was only a month ago he was threatening me allsorts so who knows if his new behaviour is trustworthy, time will tell.....
seeing him last night & night before made me realise defo all my feelings have gone for him, Deep down i could never forgive him for how hes treated me but was still alittle awww to think just months ago we were engaged liveing together in a house mortgage applied and decorating a nursery!
I feel like a weight off shoulders, may actually enjoy the last few days of pregnancy now xxxxxxxxx
i was stern & said about birth however quick i notify him will be for the best intrest of me n baby, But has made me think i might allow him to visit in hosp (atleast he will be stuck to visting hours then i can rest a few days at my moms without worrying to get home so he can see them there). Until last night i was just gonna let him visit a few days after but if i get the first visit done at hosp that might bide me some time to chill at moms, rather than being at moms panicking from day 1 to get back to flat for first visit ??. Will just do whats best and not pressure myself spose theres no right or wrong just opinions of others etc.
xxxxxxxxxxxx