11 weeks and still smoking - feel so guilty

Hi Everyone,

I'm 11.2 weeks and still smoking 20 a day This is my 3rd pregnancy. I gave up smoking when I found out I was pregnant with my first son and didn't smoke again for 7 years (so didn't smoke through my 2nd pregnancy either). I can't understand why I'm finding it so difficult to give up this time.

I had a scan at 9wks and thought that as soon as I saw my baby on the screen, that would prompt me into giving up, but no....

I feel so bad about this. I'm constantly worrying that something is wrong with this baby and, if I do m/c it will be all my fault. This is a much longed-for and planned pregnancy. I did give up smoking last year for 3 months, with patches, hypnosis CDs and inhalators , but as soon as I stopped using nicotine replacement, I started smoking again.

This time, I called the NHS quitline and they said I can't use patches or the inhalator. I also read that if you can't give up, to cut down to 5 or less a day, but I can't seem to manage even cutting down to 15 or 10, let alone 5.

Friends and family (even my 10 year old son) have all started to nag me and say how bad it is that I'm still smoking, but I already feel guilty anyway. I feel more of a craving for cigarettes than ever. So much so that even before I get out of bed in the mornings, I feel like I need to smoke. The first cigarette makes me feel so awful, sick and light-headed, that I have to lie down afterwards (so goodness knows what it's doing to my poor baby), but I just can't stop.

I know, I need to get a grip and stop feeling so weak and dependant and realise that if I've done it once I can do it again.

I must set a quit date! Okay, Monday it is. I'll use from now to cut down as much as I can so that Monday's cold turkey won't seem as bad. I just needed to get my head around it somewhere.

I think I'll come on here and do a 'quit diary', so I have a place to write down how I'm feeling.

Wish me luck for Monday! If I don't come back to this topic, you'll know I'm still smoking, so feel free to hunt me down in Tri 1 for a good telling off

 

[tuck]

you can do it, GOOD LUCK, I stopped once pregnancy confirmed and I smoked at least 20+ (sometimes more ) I admit I have had a couple over the months but to all intents and purposes I have stopped.

GOOD LUCK, GOOD LUCK, GOOD LUCK

 

Yes, Midna - I already know what your opinion is, but don't let THAT stop you (as if you would!) My, you're keen on here, aren't you? I missed your introduction on this forum, so "Hello".

And thanks, Tuck. I was enviously imagining you in Corfu for a moment, but I suppose it can't be as much fun being heavily pregnant in the sun? Well done for quitting.

I'll keep you updated.

xxx

 

Well, I had such a worrying weekend with bleeding and thinking I was having a m/c (see my post in first tr1), that I didn't smoke much. I shouldn't have smoked at all, but was convinced I had miscarried. Anyway, the first thing I thought was that it was as a result of my smoking (and I felt so guilty). I also made a promise that if the baby was okay, that I'd quit. The baby's okay, so I'm definitely quitting.

The best thing is, I had my booking appointment with my midwife this morning and told her I was trying to give up, but that I know I'll struggle cold turkey and she said I can use patches I've got the patches and no excuse, so here goes.

I might not be on here every day, but I'll come back to let you know how I'm getting on.

And yes, Midna, you're right: my cousin has just had a baby and I don't even like holding her because I know my clothes always have smoke on them. Never mind smoking near a young baby, I don't even like people who smoke holding new babies at all because you still have the residue chemicals on you, even hours later. So how could I smoke and breastfeed? I couldn't, so I'm giving up.

Thanks for the support, girls.

xxx

 

Well girls - especially you, Midna , that's it - I've gone over 24 hours with a cigarette!

I am using patches, though...I know, it's still nicotine, but if it helps me stop smoking, then it has to be for now.

For the last few months, I've thought, "Oh, if only I could get through ONE day without smoking, I'd be so happy and wouldn't smoke again". One day seemed insurmountable, but you know, it wasn't as hard as I'd built it up in my mind to be. Don't get me wrong, I still had the urge to smoke, but I just reminded myself that it wasn't just about me: I have this baby in here that I'm responsible for. After such a scare over the weekend, s/he seems even more precious than ever. I'm taking nothing for granted again.

I don't want to come on here too much in these early quitting days, because I don't trust myself to sit still for long, without getting the urge to smoke and I don't want to "talk" about it either, because that just reminds me!

I don't ever want to smoke again. I know, after one day, that's strong stuff to say, but I've long known it's disgusting, expensive and damaging. It's also highly addictive and I'm weak-willed, but I'm determined to exercise the muscle of my willpower and keep at it.

I was more worried about getting to the final stages of this pregnancy still smoking, because (like most of you), I hate to see pregnant women smoking, or anyone smoking around babies/children. I didn't want to become one of them. I'm hoping that I'll feel full of health and vitality soon but all the books say that the baby benefits straight away, so that's the main thing.

Thanks girls - and perhaps you annoyed me so much, Midna, because we feel uncomfortable when confronted with the truth It was for my own good though, so thanks.

xxx

 

[feenix]

?

 

This is Day 4. I've gone three days without smoking!

I've heard many people say that the first three days are the hardest, but in my previous quit attempts, I've found them "easier" because that's when you're at your most vigilant, at your most determined to quit. It's after this (and even after a month or three!) that I start to become more and more complacent, thinking, "that wasn't too difficult" and then, "I could just have the odd cigarette". Luckily, when I gave up during my first pregnancy, I couldn't be complacent or just have the "odd one" (which of course starts you straight back on the slippery slope up to 20-a-day again before you know it) because I had my baby to think about.

I have this baby to think about now, so I'm trying to concentrate on that. On the one hand, the thought of smoking disgusts me (but less than it did a few days ago) and I am reminding myself of the feeling after smoking the first cigarette of the day (which lately made me feel light-headed and sick and needing to lie down straight afterwards). On the other hand, I am still getting the urge to smoke. Especially when I see my partner reaching for his lighter and taking himself off to smoke (although he's out of sight, I know he's got cigarettes and is smoking them).

It seems to be getting tougher But I'm hanging in there. I don't want to smoke. I don't want to smoke. I don't want to smoke. I don't want to smoke. I don't want to smoke....

I hate the thought of what smoking is doing to my baby whilst it is growing inside me. I hate the idea of smoking around a newborn. I hate the idea of nipping out for a fag and then coming back in and breastfeeding my new baby.

I'm saying all these thing for my own benefit: to remind me why I'm giving up. Aaah, I feel a bit better now, but must get off this PC so that I'm not too tempted.

'bye for now.

 

Day 5 and not a puff of smoke has entered my mouth for four whole days. I feel a strong craving today, probably because I was trying to wean myself off the patches (perhaps I should stick them out for longer). All I'm having right now is apple & mango juice. I find that sharp, fruity flavours help somehow (not to mention that vitamin C is supposed to flush out nicotine faster, should have stuck to orange juice).

Thank goodness there's a baby in there, or else I'd be weak, think of myself, and be on my 5th cig of the day by now. Well, I've saved at least £21.76 already - in just 4 days. That's another bonus.

I need to get off this PC, I'm so desperate to smoke - I'll need to stop writing about it, it just reminds me.

 

[Minxy]

You're doing fab! Keep it up

 

[feenix]

?

 

[Urchin]

ignore the troll

 

[Tasha20]

Ahhh that was the troll weird women

 

[Londoner Claire]

Good luck sticking with it Wendy. I was lucky myself, found it easy to give up both times. Missing it like mad since I had Jade though but I refuse to start again and give in to it. If the patches don't work, try the nicotine lozenges, I found those brilliant.

 

[weenik]

Hi Wendy - just wanted to say well done for being strong. You'll need to keep that up. I stopped when I found out I was pregnant, and I'm now 22 weeks and still want a fag but won't give in. I don't think about it all the time, not even every day any more but there are times that I think I could just take a few puffs of one. I'm determined not to do it, and won't go back onto it again for the sake of my baby, and me as well. Stay strong and be prepared for major temptations. Good luck & well done

 

Thanks for the words of encouragement, girls. That's me been off the fags for one month now!

I have been tempted quite a few times, especially on holiday - it seems as though most of the Parisian population smoke! But I have made myself stop and think about how even one puff would make me feel (terribly sick) and how, if it did that to me, what it would do to my baby. I have also mentally pictured those heavily pregnant women I've seen - especially those standing outside hospitals in their nighties Not a pretty sight and I don't want to be one of them in a few months' time

One month and not a single drag. I'm determined to stick with it. I'm saving a fortune too. The one downside is that my b/f is still smoking. He seems to think if he opens the back door/or a window that I won't notice, but I do - I can smell it even an hour later. And phew, does smoking make his breath stink! I never noticed before, since I was like an old ashtray myself...now I know just how stinky smokers are to everyone else

It makes you stink, it costs a fotune, it ruins your skin and is the worst thing you can do to your own health - you don't need to be pregnant to realise that smoking is stupid (but it helps)

I AM SO GLAD I'VE GIVEN UP

 

[feenix]

?

 

[Babylicious]

I'm really pleased you gave up My Mum smoked 20 a day whilst having me and I have a bad chest

 

[frangelle]

Well done

It's really hard isn't it? All my friends and OH smoke, so when I found out I was pregnant I weaned myself off them. They all used to (and still do) go out for fags together and I'm just sat there on my larry!!!

Try to keep it up

 

[Baileysmummy]

How are you getting on wendy...