Why do some people not think before they speak?

[lottie89]

So was seeing a friend earlier that I hadn't really spoke to since the mc and they knew the whole situation. We were just generally chatting and they asked me how i'd been and I said I was starting to feel better. Then they come out with "I bet you're kind of glad it happened though"

Why would I be glad it happened? Just because the dad was a complete prick, does not mean I did not want this child. I would NEVER say that to anyone!

Am I just being oversensitive to this?

 

[leean10]

OMG, no you are not just over sensitive!! That's an awful thing to say, as you said the father might have been an ass but that's not to say you didn't feel love for your bean!!

Sorry for your loss, hope you are coping ok x

 

[lottie89]

Yeah i'm okay mostly fed up to be honest, don't have a job so i've been job hunting a lot and stuck in a lot. I'm supposed to be going down to Portsmouth this weekend to see some friends at Uni so will be good to get away

How about yourself? xx

 

[netty]

Aw darling people just don't think do they!

After my mc I popped a button off my trousers as id gotten to 15 weeks so had a lil bump. And when I was joking about it my manager said "well you cant blame the baby anymore can you?"

Erm no love I cant....my baby is gone

Tore my heart to shreds! So did people saying "oh well maybes its for the best" ....how? !

Massive hugs people can be so ignorant! Hope you're doing as ok as you can be hun

 

[leean10]

Oh, again that's another incredibly insensitive thing to say!!

I have had 5 mc's and so far no one has said anything like that but I feel for you ladies, I really do!!

I'm getting better and am currently ttc now after my latest mc in January x

 

[knopk@]

Big hugs hun, when i.had a mc people did say couple of times - maybe it wasnt right timing and maybe its for.the best. I can see how they think they want you to.feel better but they just dont understand really.

Tapatalking so cant see signatures

 

[Samsgirl]

yeah people dont really know what to say in situations and so they say things that they 'think' will make you feel better....I am sure they meant no offence in anyway. Apart from your boss netty, who is clearly an insensitive prick! xx

 

[Lou1103]

Lottie89 i can really see why that upset u but i dont think ur friend meant it that nastily. They were probably just trying to see the light of it. I have noticed that people who havent actually been there underestimate how difficult it is but there are times where u really can't see the light. It is difficult unless they really understand it though. The people that know about mine sort of try to avoid the subject more than anything

Netty, your boss was out of order! I had an mmc which ended when i would have been 12weeks but baby was only 7 and i had put on weight already by that point. Weight doesnt just drop that quickly the ignorant idiot!!! Must of taken great self control to not tell them to f off! Lol xxx

 

[lottie89]

Yeah I know it wasn't said to be mean, they just thought it was going to make me feel better. That is horrible Netty! Some people are just idiots.

ps Leanne, I am keeping my fingers crossed that you get a BFP soon Keep us updated xxx

 

[Kloe]

Your not the only one that had this, my OH sister said "it's for the best" wtf?

How can it be for the best, it was a life! People can be so spiteful, maybe not always intentionally though.
Besides there are plenty of great single mums, where does this girl get off? One of my closest friends got pregnat, they guy was a prick also, but when the baby was born he sorted himself out and stepped up. She probably didn't mean it in a nasty way, my best mate called me an attention seeker when I announced my m/c but I brushed it off.
Is she aware that she upset you?

 

[Princess81]

I think when people are stuck for what to say they sometimes come out with inappropriate stuff. She probs thought about it after and felt terrible.
When I had my m/c my friend said "at least you know you can get pregnant" I don't see how this helps??
People feel like they have to say something and a lot of the time it's totally the wrong thing x

 

[Robyner]

It's true, people get stuck for words and are not in the place that we have been. I lost my daughter at 38 weeks and took full advantage of maternity leave as I was entitled. Just days after burying her all people ever seemed to ask was "are you back at work yet" an innocent question but after hundreds of times each week I wanted to bang them out. The worst one was when I was back at work. People asked if I was enjoying being back at work. Again, innocent but to me RIDICULOUS!! One lady asked if I preferred being a lady of leisure.... Eh not quite how I remember it love, you try going through a traumatic 9 month pregnancy, deliver your dead child, bury her and then carry on with "life". It wasn't all about cycling on sunny days, wearing a billowing skirt!

 

[lottie89]

I know it wasn't said to upset me, but I appreciate if I was in that situation it would be difficult to know what to say. I seen the friend during the week when we went to a local gig together. We didn't talk about it, instead he told me how she wants to get a payrise at work because £21k isnt enough (bear in mind she lives at home and doesnt have to pay rent)

Its a hard life for some eh?