Why do i feel scared now that I'm trying?

[LittleWolf]

I waited almost 2 years before trying for a baby for the first time this month. I realised that my situation would never be 'right' and that things always change. Now that I'm in my two week wait I'm suddenly really scared and had a panic attack last night.

I've cried on the phone when family announced they were having a baby while secretly wanting my own. I've collected unisex baby items and created a space in our loft and in my heart. Sometimes i go and sit up there just to fold baby clothes again etc. Now I'm crying wondering if i can be a good parent and how will i cope, how things will change etc...am i crazy?!

 

[Vintageling]

Your not crazy hun and it's normal to feel like this but just trust yourself. You want to be a mum so bad and you will be a great mum

 

[MissCindy]

No you're not crazy, but maybe you're not completely ready yet? Maybe you like the idea of having a baby more than the reality of it? In other words, maybe you really really want to want one now, but deep down, unconsciously, you're not quite there yet? Or maybe you are ready but just scared of the unknown...

I mean, I might be completely wrong, but what you say reminds me of me when I was 22.
I was convinced I wanted a baby... When I thought about it, it filled me with joy and excitement. My oh and I decided to start TTC. As soon as it came to actually trying, I was filled with dread and couldn't go through with it. Saying I was confused and utterly gutted is an understatement. There's nothing more disconcerting than not understanding your own feelings... Like you, I even had bought some baby clothes and loved going to shops like mothercare etc... planning for when it would happen! Anyway, After the failed attempt, when I thought about having children, one day I could be super excited at the idea, and the next, the same thoughts would fill me with anxiety. When I talked to my mum about it, she said it most likely meant I wasn't quite ready yet... and when I was, I would know. For a long time, I refused to believe that... I so wanted to be ready then!

However, a few years later, the feelings completely changed. No more did I ever have negative feelings towards it, nor was I worried about the changes ahead. Then I had a fair idea I was ready. However, because of my previous experience, I was still a bit cautious I might back out at the last minute, but I didn't! I was so excited!! But it's only when I got the negative pregnancy test staring back at me, that I realised just how much I wanted a baby, and how ready I was! Sadly, now I'm emotionally ready, I'm still waiting for that positive! Argh, TTC 17 months already...

So, my advice to you, being as you're in your first TWW, don't worry about how you feel right now, in all probability you might not have caught yet. Wait till you either take a pregnancy test or your periods arrive, and see how you feel, as this will be your answer as to whether you're truly ready or not.

And btw, I'm sure you'd make a great mum. The fact you're concerned about whether you could be, in my opinion shows you would be. The doubt probably just comes from the unknown, and the fact you haven't met your baby yet! In other words, you haven't yet built a relationship with him/her.

 

[LittleWolf]

Thanks for sharing your story misscindy and for the advice, it can be such a rollercoaster deciding to start a family and then going through the stress of trying each month. I really hope you get a positive soon.

Two years ago I felt a lot like you did, being 99% sure but even 1% of doubt makes you question yourself, the future, your identity, the changes to your relationship. I thought I was ready at that point but I wasn't. Now I am.

I'm withdrawing from antidepressants which I think triggered my panic attack the other day. I was worrying, but I'm more than ready and so excited to test next week.

 

[Crumble]

Nobody is ready at 100% and the fact you are questioning your quality as parent makes you already a good parent as you are responsible and y]ou want the best for your future baby.
Good luck darling and let us know if you have another panic attack, we are here to support each other

 

[LittleWolf]

Thanks for the support Crumble it means a lot. x