Whats wrong with me - sorry long rant **update been docs

[amzhunny]

Hey all,

Just need a little support i think from some fellow mums, the OH just doesnt understand.

The last few days i have just gone really miserable/moody and generally can't be bothered to do anything, the washing has mounted i am not eating proporly and i am generally feeling like a failure. I have had a constant headache for 24 hours and feeling slight nautious and its horrible feel like crying

Amber is fine and its not her at all, i am still playing with her etc

I do have alot going on at the minute, OH has his 3rd operation next week like 150 miles away so i am worrying about that, he has been off work for 14 months and is loosing his job - luckily he is still on full pay. He can't do much around the house to help me so everything falls onto me.

I am due to go back to work in march, i cant bear the thought of leaving amber with anyone i.e. childcare so cant bring myself to look for a place something i know i must do. OH cant have her because he cant look after her on his own due to injuries. Therefore my job due to shifts etc i dont see how i can return to that job - work life balance uis available but 20% of my hours still has to be unsociable hours so evening and weekends when baby cant be in childcare so i feel really stuck. I have applied for a few other jobs just waiting to hear back fromt them.

My mum and dad are worried about me because i am not myself i have become so forgetful and dis organised i tell ya i cant spell at the moment and its really annoying me as i have always been a pretty academic person - i have started reading a book every night to get my brain in gear but i dunno.

I just feel like everything is closing in on me.

Sorry for the big rant

What can i do?

**update

I went to the docs yesterday mainly about my headaches because they just havent improved...did the usual checks my eyes/ears are fine..my glands are up and my blood pressure is high.

I explained i was under a bit of pressure at the moment and says that they could be tension and due to stress - haha the funny thng is she said i need to relax and rest when amber rests....hmmmm well i would if she would for more then 10 mins lol.

I got another check on thurs of my blood pressure - but for now just wait and keep a diary of my headaches see if there is any pattern re. my pill i am taking.

 

[Krystal]

aww hun

You sound like you have a lot on your plate at moment and it must be stressful not only having to look after Amber but I guess your also looking after OH too Budge gave me some good advice the other week and it's helped pick me up a bit.. set yourself one task everyday.. like the kitchen, next day a bedroom and so on. You'll feel better in yourself if you feel as though that day you've achieved something.

Go out for a walk with Amber and get some fresh air, that may help lift your mood.

If you still feel down maybe visit the doc and have a chat

 

[amzhunny]

Thanks hun, was thinking of the docs to be honest for these damn headaches keep coming back but feel really silly sitting there talking about my problems because at the end of the day everybody has problems!! I just need a kick up the bum and i am the only one who can do it but its just not happening today..!

I will take amber out tomorrow for long walk with the dogs in tow they never leave me alone until i have taken them out during the day which does my head in also!! lol

 

[Krystal]

aww bless ya... don't worry about talking about your problems, yes your right everyone has problems but sometimes if you realise other have similar problems it doesn't make you feel so alone. if that makes sense lol

if ya ever need a chat just let me know. not sure I'm a good influence though, i haven't got dressed today

 

[valentine]

Hey hun,

I could have written that post myself. The past few days I have been slobbing out, feeling awful and panicing about going back to work. I've been poorly but there's no excuse for the state I've let myself and the house get into. I am unfairly blaming OH for me having to go back to work, but I always knew I'd have to go back, its now just more of a reality, rather than something in the distance.

I know that my PND is making me feel 100 x worse, is this something you might have too? I am going to the docs soon as I really don't want to go on drugs, but I can't think of another solution.

I cannot bear the thought of DD being looked after by someone else - that's not even bearable, then when I think that they might not do things 'my way', then I can't even think about it. I even start to wonder if I shouldn't have had her when we weren't financially able, although I would rather die now than be without her.

I'm a mess too. I'm sorry if this isn't helpful, I just thought it might be useful to know that you're not alone. My OH cares, but he really doesn't have a clue how I feel - my whole world has changed and I would do anything to be the one to be able to bring up my daughter.

Valentine Xxx

 

[weenik]

Going back to work is also a real worry for me - I'm applying for flexible working hours (still full time) so that I can leave Dylan with family (but I don't even know if that's a good idea either!). Couldn't you apply for flexible working hours at the place you're at just now - not sure where you work but my work (or it may even be country ) has a policy where parents with kids under 8 can apply and if the place is open during those hours that you want, it's pretty hard for them to refuse. Don't know if this helped at all - hope things get better for you xxx

 

[amzhunny]

Weenik - can apply for flex hours but even with that 20% will have to be evening and weekends... work for the prison service and also whats going through my mind is do i want to put myself in comprimising and dangerous positions - i think am making excuses now because i dont want to go back there!!!

Valentine - I am so sorry you are feeling the same as me its horrible isn't it. WHen are you due to go back? Well i had a lazy day yesterday and good chat to OH trying to make him see how i am feelng and he has basically said write my resignation and look for another job now and maybe do another year of studying in psychology at uni. WHat i would love to do! Seems so simple saying it, just doing it and getting financial help.

I hope you start you start to feel better soon, and me..i stll have a permanent headache i think its stress every time i think about things it gets worse!!