What am I feeling?

[Rachie]

I miscarried last Tuesday and have no idea how I'm feeling.

On the Tuesday I went from hysterical to feeling calm very quickly. I thought it was all over. Then Wednesday came. I had no idea what to expect - this was my first pregnancy and although I was expecting emotional pain I had no idea what the physical process was. I can't remember much about the day as there were complications and I was admitted into hospital after 7 hours of it happening at home. After that it was all very quick. My husband told me a lot of what happened at home but all I can remember was the kind of pain that I can't describe.

Miscarriage seems to be shrouded in mystery. I don't know how things would have been different had I known what to expect but everyone talks about the emotional loss and the physical issues aren't generally discussed. I suppose everyone is different?

Nearly a week later and it keeps getting me in different ways. When I think about the miscarriage it doesn't upset me, but I can sit for hours crying about something and I have no idea what. I feel like I should just snap out of it and get back into a routine which should help, but the thought freaks me out. I can't face people. My husband was off all of last week with me and went back into work today, which was wierd (his boss was amazing, told him to stay off as long as we needed to be together). I can't seem to grip onto a thought long enough. Can't make a decision, can't even decide what to have for lunch. I feel like I'm going mad.

I know no-one can tell me what to do because it is different for everyone. I just thought writing it all down at least lets me focus on these thoughts without them drifting off like they normally do.


Thanks for making it this far through this nonsense. There isn't really a point to all of this, sorry.

 

[Emmylou]

Rachie......

You should never be sorry, the forum is here for you to work through your emotions, and to offer you a space to breathe and lean on others. I can't tell you how you should feel, I suffered mc in sept last year and my experience was different to yours i'm sure, i didn't know i was pg in the first place for one! I know what you mean about the undescribable pain though

You have to take your time, cry when you want to cry, rant when you want to rant, but be kind to yourself hunny this is the most important i beleive.

 

[mummykay]

im so sorry for your loss

 

[tracey 2]

oh hun iv just replied to your PM as well but just seen this.

I understand what your going though (i know everyone feels differently) but its only natural. Im getting some days like that now it doesnt feel real i cant explain it properly but its like a cloud over my head which comes and goes, as i said earlier take your time and dont rush in to anything.

Your angel was too special for this world is what iv been told and im starting to come to terms with it now it will get easier hun i promise!

Please come on here and express your thoughts and feelings anytime we are all here for you hun. I wrote a letter to my baby the other day it really helped me but you might feel differntly.

Like iv said you know where i am anytime you need me you have my email and your sis has my number (i realise she is away) but if you want it PM me anytime.

x x