We are both struggling

[Beatlesfan]

we are getting really tetchy with each other.
I am at work F/T until Oct 1 (then going to 4 days, maybe 3). OH is SAHD and although I think he liked it at first (been doing it since 4 June) he is now struggling with it, saying today "he needs more in his life" I felt like saying I know so do I all I do is work/be with the baby/do homey stuff. I haven't got much of a social life at the mo. Every time I think I'll go out this week, I don't because I am too tired and just want to chill. Or I feel guilty that OH has been with LO all day and want to give him a break.

It's almost like role reversal of traditional roles. OH accuses me of not taking an interest in what he says about things (after i have done a day's work and need to switch off), leaving stuff out (as he has been tidying and cleaning all day....which I know he does but i arranged a cleaner for when I went back to do the main jobs to take pressure off) and he has no idea or sympathy for the stress I have at work, no matter what I tell him.

Little things irritate me....

like, he asks me every day when I leave "What time will you be home?" my job is varied each day so I never finish at a set time, but it winds me up, I don't know why.... I ask him not to ask me, but he still does even though I am pretty much ALWAYs home by 4.30/5 which doesn't affect his plans AT ALL...also it makes me feel guilty for leaving him with LO and I then feel under pressure to get back earlier....sometimes, putting off work I have to do...


The other day he picked up some of my paperwork which I'd left on the sofa arm (he leaves stuff out and about too) and said, "does this live here? No i don't think so!" and i just nearly cried. I thought oh give me a break... it seemed so insignificant compared to how tired/stressed I was feeling.

I know he is struggling too but he is making some really insensitive comments, which he apologies for when I tlll him how upset they make me feel but why say them????

I find that when we have couple time (rare in the evenings cos LO is wide awake til quite late and at weekends she always cat naps during day) I just crave to be on my own as I have had no "space" to myself.

I just needed to rant, told him I need the forum as when I talk to him he just wants to "fix" things (like a man does) and not just say uh-huh, oh poor you, IKWYM etc etc. I long for the summer hols (I get the school hols) when I am more likely to have more energy and would like to book things up with friends etc. maybe I will feel happier.

Also, i really try to let him have his space - he goes out motorbiking for a whole day at least once a month sometimes more often, I actively encourage him to do his hobbies during the week and at weekend. I know he would support me if I wanted to go out but I just don't know what I want to do ... I am often too tired or feel that I need time with LO as I haven't seen her all day. I am so confused and tired. even when i have tried to sleep in spare room to get sleep i just cant be away from LO.

thanks for reading. just feeling sorry for myself.

 

[dannii87]

I'm not a Mum yet so I have no idea of the toll it takes on a parent. I am also single so I have no idea of what strain it puts on a relationship (not the best start on giving advice eh!)

BUT, I just wanted to say that I agree with Midna. You both need to take a step back from how you are feeling as individuals and try to understand each other.

You said you have the summer hols coming up - I think this will do you both the world of good. There is so much you can do as a family and also individually as you'll both have more spare time.

Could you not grab a babysitter once a fortnight or one a month and MAKE time for each other? I know you say you get tired and I fully understand that, but could you not go to the cinema or go to the pub for a few drinks? It sounds like you both need support and aren't getting it

P.S: I think you are brilliant doing the job you are doing. It makes such a change to hear of a SAHD and a working Mum. That in itself deserves a huge pat on the back - to both of you!

Sorry I couldn't give any advice xxx

 

[trixipaws]

all i can say is i understand completely how much of a strain on a relationship an adorable little baby is! its bizarre isnt it how a sweet little thing can have such a huge influence! its very very difficult sometimes to appreciate each other and feel appreciated. we both work and both at times look after baby while the other is at work, and both have our niggles with each other and feel the other isnt pulling their weight! i kno how hard it is but u do gotta try and step back like midna says. easier said than done i kno that good luck! sounds like u still love each other lots tho which is promising im sure u can get thru it with that as a foundation.

 

[Beatlesfan]

Thanks Ladies. I know you are all right.... but as Trixipaws says, it's easier said than done. I do feel better today. I managed to get a lie in this morning...I can be a little flexible with hours in my job, so I will have to work tonight on PC to make up for it but I sooooo needed the rest.
I also managed to dream loads this morning which I don't think I do as much during my sleep now, but I know dreaming is really powerful as it sorts out all the stuff that's going on in your mind, so that helped.

OH has been great. He is great generally - sometimes it just all gets on top of us both. He is taking Imogen out tomorrow afternoon so I can be in the house ALONE - yes I wil have work to do, but I will also have SPACE without worrying abut LO.
Also, I have agreed to go out tomorrow with my friend, and not canx, regardless of how I feel as OH says..I will feel fine once I am out.

Yes the hols are great. I am so lucky to get the hols I get so I intend to make the most of them.

We have done a "babysitting swap" with a friend so we can get out once a fortnight but this hasn't happened lately as we've all had things on...maybe this is needed more than I realise?

OH is so good. I need to keep that in perspective. he even bought me flowers last week and ran me a bath cos work was so sh*t. I should count my blessings!

Thanks again. Amazing what some can do! I feel tons better and more rational.... roll on the hols. x x

 

[fran_23]

Aw good i'm glad you managed to get some sleep and things seem better and more rationalised in your mind!
i did read your post but didn't feel i had any good advice to offer considering i had the same sort of thing and now we are apart!

I'm glad it is looking up for you now x

 

[dannii87]

OH is so good. I need to keep that in perspective. he even bought me flowers last week and ran me a bath cos work was so sh*t. I should count my blessings!

Has he got a brother?!

xx

 

[Beatlesfan]

OH is so good. I need to keep that in perspective. he even bought me flowers last week and ran me a bath cos work was so sh*t. I should count my blessings!

Has he got a brother?!

xx

yes, married tho, I'm sure he is quite thoughtful too, but nowhere near as so goddam sexy. I really should count myself lucky.

 

[nori]

Glad you've got things sorted out. Your man sounds brilliant and just sounds like a normal nagging house husband! Every couple will argue at times. I think you two will be just fine as long as you both appreciate what the other is doing. Sounds like you make a good team!

Claire x

 

[Beatlesfan]

Yes I know we probably should (well prob me) show appreciation more. I have been trying to organise a night in a local hotel while my friend stays over for Imogen but I can't find a decent night - there's always something on etc.
But I will do it soon.

Sometimes it's easy to get in a negative rut of who's had the hardest day - like a competition!

I finish work on Wed for 5 and half weeks!!! YAY!!! can't bloomin wait.

 

[Tina & Gabs]

think you two need to take a step back and realise one another again and why you love each other ..looking after a baby is hard work for any couple and puts a relationship to the test....you both need to remember that imogen will get easier to look after she wont always be so dependant on you and for now you both need to get along and enjoy her and try to forget about anal things like super tidying. You have been at work all day yes and he is looking after a baby all day ..both are demanding tasks and you both really need to help each other here.

Go give him a huge kiss and cuddle ..remember why you love each other remind one other this will get easier and for now its a matter of tag team for getting things done and allowing each other some me time.

Really well said Midna

Big hugs to you Beatlesfan

 

[BabyMagic]

Great to hear that you are feeling better. When you are tired you seem to find the worse in one another.

Make sure that you get enough sleep. 'Me' time can be important too. Could you afford to have a massage or another beauty treatment every so often (works for me, not taking for granted that does the same for everyone else)???