Visitors if I get my homebirth

[moss]

I'm still hoping to have my homebirth despite the problems that may arise (long story) and I'm not sure how to handle the situation with visitors. I don't want to be overwhelmed and don't think I will have tons of people coming at once since my family are so spread apart, but I'm not sure when to start letting people come over. My mother is staying with me, so there isn't much I can do about that, but what about my mother- and sisters-in-law? Do I ban them from coming for the first few days? I feel kind of bad doing that to my mother-in-law knowing my mother is going to be living with the baby for the first month(ish), but she lived in Edinburgh and when she comes she'll be staying for ages, I bet. Also, her partner is so dismal and I'm not looking forward to having him sit like a miserable presence in the room while I'm tired and trying to answer questions, etc.

I guess the downside to homebirth is not having an army of midwives to enforce visiting hours!

 

[CoreysMummy]

You do what you need to do. Dont feel bad, you need to concentraite on getting yourself over the birth and back to normal, and looking after your baby, and whats best for him or her.

If you dont feel upto visitors, then tell them that, or tell them they can come over, for like half an hour, but then please not again for a week...

 

[moss]

Did that include the new grandparents? I guess I just really don't know the etiquette of this!

 

[LisaJ1986]

I didn't have a homebirth, but i gave strict instructions on who could come and when. For the 1st 2 weeks we just wanted family to see her. Gives me chance to settle down with her, and get our routine.
OH's friends were so miffed coz they kept texting asking if they were invited yet, but i just wasn't ready.

You do as you feel comfortable with. My OH was the one who told people when they could come. Don't feel guilty for saying no.

 

[millylillyrose]

im terrified of this also.
Lucky for me my family are all the way in England, but in the US its like custom for everyone to be at the hospital waiting in the waiting room and all being there (which i DONT want) we're not going to tell anyone when i go into labour, and just call them when she's born. i dont mind them poping into the hospital for half an hour to see her and get to say they saw her. but goodness i hope they're not in my house when i come home, or over for hours at a time either. im not embarrased about breast feeding at all, i know ill feed my baby anywhere, but i dont want to have to be thinking about other people when we're still learning!

 

[moss]

If that's the custom in the US then I am clueless about it! Luckily for all of my friends and family that have had babies we don't subscribe to that! Like I said, there isn't anything we can do about my mother since she is staying with me, but she is the first one to jump in and tell me I don't have to have people over... And she said she wouldn't be in the hospital before she knew I was having the homebirth.

I'm going to let my husband deal with potential visitors, but I still feel a bit bad about his mother since my mother will be there so much.

 

[Manda&Thomas]

when i had my homebirth my mother came round first as i couldnt aviod it really she was banging the door down!!
i was going to get everyone else to wait a week or so beore coming round singaly but as it was my dad had to take us to hospital the following day.
hubbys mum step dad and bro came round after a week as did my sister and dad again
some people still havent seen him but thats not because i wont let them they are just to lazy to come to mine
but yer just tell people you dont want them all round right away people wont take offence they will understand
good luck with your homebirth
xx

 

[Rachel]

I had a homebirth and didn't let anyone come round until a week after he was born and even then I told them I would phone them to tell them when it was alright for them to come see us.

My mum was with me at the birth so obviously she was there after but I didn't mind her but didn't let anyone else for a week, not even my Dad. Some people got annoyed that I wouldn't let them come around straight away though but sod them, i'd just give birth and wanted time to get to know new baby and get breastfeeding started.

 

[moss]

Thanks everyone! That helps me feel better. It seems like the general consensus that people wait about a week, which sounds good to me. I guess I won't know until the time comes, but I do know that I want time as a new little family before I have to deal with anyone else! I kind of wish I could afford to put my mother up somewhere nice for a couple of days, too, but I can't so... Yeah. Ha.

 

[kalia]

I texted everyone the day after to say she had been born, name, weight, that it had been a 55 hour long labour and I was tired so please wait a week before calling to arrange a visit. This worked well - I think people just don't realise how tired you will be so tell them.

Next time I will text to say I am tired and if they would like to meet LO please come round on a particular date, at least 2 weeks after the birth, giving start and end times and just have everyone round at once to save having weeks and weeks of visitors everyday. If I wanted to see anyone before then I could get in touch with them to ask them round. It was 5 weeks before I was actually interested in having visitors rather than just putting up with them being there.

 

[Sherlock]

I'd ask them all to stay away at least for a few days and let you find your feet first. The only people we had visit in the week after our homebirth was my parents and then they stayed an hour tops.

We posted a note on the door for impromptu visitors along the lines of 'We had a sleepless night and are resting so please DO NOT DISTURB. Hoping you can understand and we will see you soon.'

I didn't answer the door then Not that anyone visiting then knocked and expected me to answer

 

[budge]

I'm still hoping to have my homebirth despite the problems that may arise (long story) and I'm not sure how to handle the situation with visitors. I don't want to be overwhelmed and don't think I will have tons of people coming at once since my family are so spread apart, but I'm not sure when to start letting people come over. My mother is staying with me, so there isn't much I can do about that, but what about my mother- and sisters-in-law? Do I ban them from coming for the first few days? I feel kind of bad doing that to my mother-in-law knowing my mother is going to be living with the baby for the first month(ish), but she lived in Edinburgh and when she comes she'll be staying for ages, I bet. Also, her partner is so dismal and I'm not looking forward to having him sit like a miserable presence in the room while I'm tired and trying to answer questions, etc.

I guess the downside to homebirth is not having an army of midwives to enforce visiting hours!

i had a home birth and the house was full before the midwives had left
What id suggest is telling everyone not to visit unless they phone first. Then just have one person(couple or whatever) a day to visit. Limit the visit time though. Don't offer a drink or anything.
The thing is that people just want to see the baby and thats that. Once they have done that then the fuss is all over and they are happy. Get it all over and done with but make sure they phone first. If they just turn up then get your OH to say you are napping and can the come back another day but phone first.
Don't accept any unannounced visitiors. Be strong and assertive. you'll need your rest and too many visitors can make you irritable and affect how you cope with BF and everything.

 

[trixipaws]

i didnt mind the army of visitors but thats just me everyones different! the only folk that came straight away were my parents and sister who im very close to i was happy for them to come. if i'd felt differently tho i think i wouldve said so that i wasnt up to it yet. say what u feel u gotta!

 

[Steelgoddess]

yeha i know what you mean it is a toughy, like im happy for ppl to come see me at the hospital but when i get home its like home=bonding and routine time.

I think you should speak with your fmily prior to bubby appearing so they know what to expect, don#t be pressured into aything nd be firm if u need to.

Sometimes i watch that bringing home baby program and their like having a big ol rave with family and tom dick and harry from up the road, sod that!

 

[budge]

i quite enjoyed all the attention and showing off my new bundle. although no one could hold. They were only allowed to look. I hate seeing babies passed around like a toy.

 

[Strangeness]

Too many people came to the hospital for my liking last time and I'm really not happy with that happening this time. I don't mind my mum coming and my brother cos he will bring her but I really don't want everyone there. If they do come they will only be allowed half hour max and then I'll just say I'm tired and they can go. I'm really not gonna be letting everyone crowd me like last time. I was so ill as well and felt like I couldn't say no.

 

[Becky]

I didn't have a home birth but what I did was to invite the key people (our parents and siblings) to the hospital, let them see baby and then said we'd ring them once we were settled at home and ready for visitors. This meant that they all knew not to pop round unexpectedly and that we would ring them.

Take your time and do what feels right. My mum was a god-send but she stayed away while OH was on paternity and then would ring me before coming round and she wasn't really a "visitor" she was a huge help, she would make me cups of tea and wash my breakfast dishes and then watch Lucy while I had a shower. She would even make lunch some days.

Other visitors (like my MIL) respected that we needed time to ourselves.