upset with hubby

[excitednewbie]

need to offload.
feeling pretty down at present
me and my hubbie have always had a good intimate relationship. weve only been married 3 years and initially we had a long distance marriage- wed meet up 1 x a month- and it was really good on a physical level. only been living together for 9 months
he had a really high libido but now i feel like i have to always do the initiating. and even then i don't get much of a response.
i've been away 2 weeks and normally after that youd expect some intimacy. last few days i've tried to get close to him- kissing/cuddling and i barely get a response-hell kiss me back and hug me but no effort to initiate and then turns over to sleep or just hugs me and tries to sleep. i've dressed up in sexy outfits- normally it would really excite him. but hes barely touched me. I don't even expect him to have sex if hes tired- but even just some foreplay or fondling.
this has happened a couple of times before and ive discussed it with him- ive said to him even if he doesn't want sex he can still respond to me and pleasure me in other ways etc, i find it hard to speak to him about it so it was difficult for me to open up.
This time i'm just really hurt- i know he knows i want intimacy- that should be enough- and last 4 days ive been lying in bed in morning a lot longer after no intimacy at night even just waiting for a cuddle- but he just lazes and dozes and then i get fed up and get up.

i really get upset psychologically it really affects me. it makes me feel cheap and ugly and also rejected. he knows i've been upset a few days but he always avoids discussions/hed rather just bury things under the carpet. besides i feel like he should understand without having em spelling it out in words every time. i feel like if i say it hell give me what i want but i don't want him to out of sympathy/duty i want him to want me.
i cried into my pillow 3 nights in a row after he just tuned around and went to sleep. then i thought id give it one last chance- so I dressed up in an outfit he loves- very obvious signal for intimacy. i even said to him 2 days in a row can you come home early/i want you to come to bed early. still nothing-
i was soooo hurt and upset - then lay next to him in said outfit in morning 2 hours waiting then finally got up.
i felt humiliated
during the day hell come up to me in passing and kiss and tell me im beautiful but whats the point if its just not followed up by anything.
last night he finally hinted he wanted sex - asked me to come to bed etc- but i was so angry i just thought now its him and his needs its all fine? and when its me its not important. plus i felt so rejected by all teh advances id made i felt off. but because im attracted to him I found myself reacting to his touch, which just made me teary because i was already near to tears all day.
he stopped and asked me what was wrong but i just couldn't find the words- id been hurt so much- and instead of just holding em or hugging me and waiting for me to open up- he actually turned around and i kept waiting for him to turn back and hug me or something- but then i swallowed my pride and turned to him- and he was fast asleep!!
i couldn't believe it
what kind of a guy leaves his wife crying and goes to sleep
it just made me even more hurt- i couldn't sleep ended up staying up late
he woke up in between and could see i was awake but made no attempt to speak to me/show me some love and affection
then this morning- he still didn't bother to wake up early- just followed his usual waking up ridiculously late even though he knew i was upset

im just tired of the one always having to sort out issues first/initiate intimacy/
i feel like he should actually make some effort- if the shoe was on other foot id shower him with love and speak to him and try and get out of him what was wrong.

when he finally got up he came to me and hes just like whats wrong etc and i was like i cant believe you just turned round and went to sleep - and hes like well i asked you and u didn't tell me.
so i'm sat waiting for him to make time to talk to me or make some effort instead he takes his laptop and goes to the other room.

 

[Dotty_woman]

Oh hun, I know exactly how you feel. I need to follow my own advice here and that would be to tell you that you both need to sit down and have a talk about the situation. I've found that subtle hints rarely work with my OH but actually finding a way to sit down and talk about it can be difficult, but needs doing. According to your ticket you are 20 weeks pregnant. Sometimes partners are frightened of having sex whilst their partner is pregnant as they think it may hurt the baby or others find it a little strange. It could be something as simple as that. I know it's a daunting prospect initiating such a conversation, but I'm sure it will help. Good luck xxx

 

[excitednewbie]

Oh hun, I know exactly how you feel. I need to follow my own advice here and that would be to tell you that you both need to sit down and have a talk about the situation. I've found that subtle hints rarely work with my OH but actually finding a way to sit down and talk about it can be difficult, but needs doing. According to your ticket you are 20 weeks pregnant. Sometimes partners are frightened of having sex whilst their partner is pregnant as they think it may hurt the baby or others find it a little strange. It could be something as simple as that. I know it's a daunting prospect initiating such a conversation, but I'm sure it will help. Good luck xxx

thanks for reply. yeah we talked and that was part of it also hes been stressed lately with other things. thankfully we sorted it out! thankyou for your help

 

[PrincessPeanut]

You might find he's not comfortable having sex with you. I notice on your ticker you're 20 weeks and probably have quite a bump. I know a few men who said they didn't want or enjoy sex with there partners because they felt uncomfortable about baby being there.
My husband on the other hand is like a dog in heat when it comes to baby bumps. He finds them attractive for some weird reason lol I need tips to keep him off haha.

Hope you get it all sorted and being open and honest with each other is the only way to be. Life will get so much more stressful when baby arrives with minimum sleep and tensions high so it's good to be able to talk to each other before things blow out of proportion.

PP xXx

 

[jessizz345]

Its good to hear you sorted out the issues. We women finds difficulty in initiating such conversation but we should sometime takes effort to do such things or else we will be the one regretting all the time.