Upset over family conflict

[BecciBooo]

Hello

I'm 19+4 weeks and I'm having a really hard time with a family problem. Its to do with my dad and the father of my baby. They don't get on at all and its really upsetting me.

The father of my baby isn't my partner as such, its a little complicated. He's my best friend, we originally started dating 3 years ago but I was in a bad place after a bad break up and a miscarriage a few years previously. We have been on and off since we met and lived together for a year, then lived separately and he is now back living with me. He suffers with really bad bioplar disorder also, which I don't deal with particularly well as I end up getting the brunt of his anger and abuse. In terms of the baby we are planning to work together to bring it up, co-parenting i guess.

I haven't been close to my dad for a good few years, he lives in germany with his new wife who is quite a few years younger than me. I see him a few times a year but he gives me a lot of financial support. They have never really got along, and usually I just go out for dinner on my own with my dad when he comes over, its a few hour thing a few times a year. The father of my baby gets very upset and angry every time this happens and I am getting fed up of it. My dad now wants to buy me a house so I'm not having to live in rented accommodation whilst raising my baby, but the father of my baby is refusing to let me accept any money or help.

I spend all my time running around and taking care of him (father of my baby), I'm the first up in a morning, I feed all the animals and take him coffee, I then cooking him breakfast and clean up. He was meant to have moved in with me to make things easier, but he probably cooks for me once a week and cleans up when I moan about it. I feel like I am constantly stepping on eggshells around him trying not to trigger an episode as I just can't deal with how angry he gets when he is in that state. On top of this I am trying to complete my final year of university and run my own business so we have money to pay the rent and bills.

Sorry for the rant, I'm just really upset.
I had dinner with my dad this afternoon, when I got back we argued and I have spent the rest of the afternoon and night in my room away from it all

 

[BecaM]

Hi hun, sorry it’s taken so long for anyone to reply, new year and Christmas....

I’m afraid you might not like my advice, but it’s only my opinion so I hope you don’t take it personally..... my advice is to get out. The father of your baby clearly needs professional help and it’s not healthy for you or your baby to be dealing with his outbursts. If I’m reading it right, youre not in a relationship with him and I think he’s being very selfish and irrational. Your father is obviously trying to make part of your life easier in the only way he can not living here. Ask yourself this; if you were living alone would you take your father up on his offer? Only you can decide what you should do but in all honesty, I would be seriously thinking about your dads offer and telling the father of your child he needs to sort himself out, not being a volatile burden to you causing extra stress you neither need or deserve. Whatever you decide make sure you and your baby are the priority xxx

 

[KMG]

Hi,

Sorry you are having his conflict.

My opinion will echo the above, you need to think about what’s best for you and the baby. It’s not his decision if you accept your dads offer.

Xx

 

[KHTW]

Sorry you have to decide but I think you already know what is best for you and your baby. From what you said it seems that you can't relay on your partner and that he is not much help now which I guess may not change once baby come. I would accept your dad's help, trust me that you are going to need a lot of help once the baby comea incl. Financial x

 

[kirlou92]

Sounds like you're in an unhappy situation. It makes me mad hearing that you are having to cook and clean up after him as well as dealing with his outbursts while you are pregnant! I can tell by your post that you are a very good person, because you clearly think about the father of your baby's feelings when you make decisions.

My hubby has an anxiety disorder so it's very different but I have to be there for him a lot and cope with him when he takes things out on me! I stick by him because he's the love of my life and we have a child together. But if we weren't married and were just co-parenting like you are planning to do, then I would be putting me and the baby first no matter what. I wouldn't allow him to live with me and if he wanted to stay with me, he would have to look after the housework, cooking and parenting 50% of the time. It's only fair!

To own your own home is a luxury that a lot of people can't afford so I would definitely let your dad look after you in that way, the father of your baby doesn't have a right to have an opinion on that.

Sorry for being so blunt!

 

[Princess81]

I honestly feel for you so much, it’s such a hard situation. I’m stuck in a similar conflict and it’s very hard.
However, when all is said and done, his pride is preventing you and your baby from potentially having more security in life, and ultimately your baby is going to come first now. Forever. He’s allowing the personal conflict to cloud his judgement, so you’re going to need to take the upper hand. It must be very difficult living with someone who has uncontrolled MH issues. Sending hugs x