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TTC turning into a nightmare

Sunflower1

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Been TTC for 2 years. My OH seems to have a low sex drive and not much energy and nearly every month we struggle to dtd in the fertile window, I think we often miss ovulation, and this month he doesn't seem up to it at all so we are going to miss this month again. I'm getting to the point where I just can't keep trying. I'm 42 in a few months and each month I get more and more upset and depressed. I don't even feel like having sex anymore. Even when we do time it right I haven't got pregnant. Feeling really hopeless.

Has anyone else been through this? Does anyone have any advice? This month I stopped doing opks to see if it would help but it's just made me much more stressed.
 
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I absolutely hated sex in the end when ttc as I associated it with failure and disappointment. We used softcups sometimes when we really didn't feel up to it. Didn't work for us but we needed IVF in the end so softcups were likely useless for us. Has worked for others though xx
 
What are softcups? I can relate to the feelings of failure and disappointment. So glad it worked out for you in the end.
 
We have been ttc for 7 months..it's heart breaking. I got my hormone levels checked and all normal. OH handed in swimmer sample..awaiting results still. Try not to worry !
 
So sorry to hear that. We had been ttc since 2015 with no luck. It ended up becoming a chore to be honest. I found that my OH started relaxing and enjoying sex when I stopped telling him about ov dates, my fertile window etc. Try to make it seem spontaneous
Good luck
 
It defo becomes a chore!!
When we did finally catch we weren't really trying anymore, we were just waiting to go back to the ivf clinic and af was no where to be seen..
I think we only dtd maybe 2 or 3 times, I was only doing it to shut him up tbh lol.

Not sure how we're gonna do it again.. might just be back off to the ivf clinic if we're still trying a few months down the line..

Have you had all the tests gps can offer to check everything is okay with you both? xx
 
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Sorry to hear you're having a tough time. People often say to stop tracking but I do find it less stressful overall to still do the OPKs as it allows me to predict my period (with nearly perfect accuracy so far) and I find it really helps me prepare mentally for the monthly disappointment that I've had to get used to. I don't temp as I just found it a chore. I also try not to involve OH in the tracking too much as it takes a bit of pressure off him although I'm sure he could suss me out if he thought about it hard enough!!

Have you had any fertility investigations? That can come with a lot of pressure. We have started down this road and it's definitely more stressful than I thought and I'm the sort of person who will happily get poked and prodded if it means I get an answer!!
 
Has your OH ever seen a Dr about his low sex drive and lack of energy ?. Do you think there is a reason it's like that, stressful, demanding job, depression maybe, there may even be a medical reason like low testosterone levels, or has it always been that way ?. I would possibly try and persuade him to see his Dr, sit him down and have a chat about how this is making you feel. You could try him on Wellman conception vitamins as well, they contain Maca which boosts energy.
I really feel for you, it must be so frustrating, I'm in a similar boat 44yrs old ttc 2 and a half years, only our problem is that we live 260 miles away as he is fulltime carer for his mum, we often miss fertile months and at the time it feels like the end of the world.
Sending you virtual hugs, you're not alone. xx
 
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I understand how depressing it is each month totally. I think it takes a toll on the relationship for sure because of the expectation on each other.
Definitely get his vitamins up, but what is he saying about it all? Xxx
 
Thanks all for the support and advice! We had a talk yesterday as I was in a total state. It was good.

There are tons of factors...his dad died fairly recently and I think that is affecting things. Also, pre-fertile window, CD7 this month, all was fine! So I definitely think I need to stop telling him what day it is! He is generally stressed and tired too. I am encouraging him to start exercising as I hope that will help. He is a stone and a bit overweight, which I am worried is a factor but he gets upset when I bring it up. He's definitely trying to lose it but it's extremely slow.

We've both had a lot of preliminary fertility blood tests and I've had a lot of scans and all was ok. I am keen for him to get a sperm test but I think he's worried that if that's not good that'll be even more stress and worry. The fertility doc said if his blood tests were good then it was likely the sperm was fine, but I'd like to be more sure. But then what do you do if the sperm is not good quality?

Alexis2017, good luck with the swimmer sample.

Sk8erzeh, I'm going to stop telling him the dates and see if that helps.

Millie, that's so great you finally caught. Yeah, I've heard that stopping trying works for a lot of people!

Moomingirl, yeah, I thought fertility investigation would be stressful. I'll think we'll start with the sperm test first.

Lilith112, no he hasn't seem a doctor about it. I'd like him to. I think if it happens next month too I'll suggest that he does. His health is getting better - we changed his diet a lot but he's generally under a ton of stress which I'm sure doesn't help. Also the weight could be causing hormonal imbalances. Your situation sounds really difficult. That must be so frustrating!

One last thing, I think I ovulated cd11 this month and we did manage to dtd cd7 - do you think there's a chance even though it was 4 days before ovulation?

Good luck everyone! xx
 
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What are softcups? I can relate to the feelings of failure and disappointment. So glad it worked out for you in the end.

Softcups are supposed to be used during period but lots of people use them when ttc. Oh can do the business into the softcups and you pop it in, keeps them close to cervix. Of you did do it then practice inserting first as don't want to lose the goods.

Is your OH taking vitamins? The well man conception ones are great, improved my OHs sample massively xx
 
Hello, I'm really sorry to hear that, thank you for sharing your situation, it's very valuable...I guess you need a consultation of a good professional, may be IVF treatment. The best clinic for me with wonderful doctors was Orchid Fertility. I did 2/3 rounds of IVF with them, they are patient, responsible, carrying, thoughtful, on time - perfect all around. Also I heard a lot about IVF clinics in Germany, a friend of mine was 35 when she was trying to conceive, she got a consultation with Doctor in Langenhagen, now she has a little girl - treatment there was expensive, heard, but successful. It's the clinic https://ovu.com/germany/langenhagen...–wolfsburg-mvz-–-fertility-clinic-langenhagen. My clinic is in Arab Emirates https://ovu.com/united-arab-emirates/dubai/fertility-clinic/orchid-fertility
 
Hello, I'm really sorry to hear that, thank you for sharing your situation, it's very valuable...I guess you need a consultation of a good professional, may be IVF treatment. The best clinic for me with wonderful doctors was Orchid Fertility. I did 2/3 rounds of IVF with them, they are patient, responsible, carrying, thoughtful, on time - perfect all around. Also I heard a lot about IVF clinics in Germany, a friend of mine was 35 when she was trying to conceive, she got a consultation with Doctor in Langenhagen, now she has a little girl - treatment there was expensive, heard, but successful. It's the clinic https://ovu.com/germany/langenhagen...–wolfsburg-mvz-–-fertility-clinic-langenhagen. My clinic is in Arab Emirates https://ovu.com/united-arab-emirates/dubai/fertility-clinic/orchid-fertility

Thanks Nita for your helpful response. I'm actually quite disabled at the moment and unable to attend an IVF clinic, which I guess is what is putting extra stress on the situation. Also I've heard IVF has a low success rate for women over 40.
 
What are softcups? I can relate to the feelings of failure and disappointment. So glad it worked out for you in the end.

Softcups are supposed to be used during period but lots of people use them when ttc. Oh can do the business into the softcups and you pop it in, keeps them close to cervix. Of you did do it then practice inserting first as don't want to lose the goods.

Is your OH taking vitamins? The well man conception ones are great, improved my OHs sample massively xx

Good to know Wellman works. My OH is taking Maca now and exercising. I am so scared I would get Softcups stuck!!
 
Forgot to add that my OH has finally agreed to a sperm test. I think that the NHS will probably take too long so we will go private. This month we did manage to dtd 12 hours before I think I ovulated thanks to Clear Blue advanced 4 day opk. My normal opk wasn't positive til 2 days later. So it's possible we have been getting the time wrong.

Things were better this month but then a relative died and that kind of threw things off but hopefully we are in with a chance. It's cd23 now so fingers crossed.
 
Forgot to add that my OH has finally agreed to a sperm test. I think that the NHS will probably take too long so we will go private. This month we did manage to dtd 12 hours before I think I ovulated thanks to Clear Blue advanced 4 day opk. My normal opk wasn't positive til 2 days later. So it's possible we have been getting the time wrong.

Things were better this month but then a relative died and that kind of threw things off but hopefully we are in with a chance. It's cd23 now so fingers crossed.

In our experience, I wouldn't rule out NHS for a sperm test. OH just had a phone appointment with the GP and they left the stuff at the desk for him to pick up. After he handed in the sample, we had results within 2 weeks. Just to give you an idea of timescales. Compared to all the tests I needed it was really quick as obviously I needed to wait for the right times of my cycle.
 
Forgot to add that my OH has finally agreed to a sperm test. I think that the NHS will probably take too long so we will go private. This month we did manage to dtd 12 hours before I think I ovulated thanks to Clear Blue advanced 4 day opk. My normal opk wasn't positive til 2 days later. So it's possible we have been getting the time wrong.

Things were better this month but then a relative died and that kind of threw things off but hopefully we are in with a chance. It's cd23 now so fingers crossed.

In our experience, I wouldn't rule out NHS for a sperm test. OH just had a phone appointment with the GP and they left the stuff at the desk for him to pick up. After he handed in the sample, we had results within 2 weeks. Just to give you an idea of timescales. Compared to all the tests I needed it was really quick as obviously I needed to wait for the right times of my cycle.


Same for us it was only 2 weeks! But what is shocking is I was told my referal to the fertility clinic is 1 year hust to evsn have the scan of my ovaries etc done. Thats me on the waiting list at least!
 
Moomingirl and Alexis, thanks...we may go the NHS route then! Didn't realise the GP could do it without a hospital referal. It's worth looking into private prices..they aren't as much as you might think...unless you have IVF. x
 
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Moomingirl and Alexis, thanks...we may go the NHS route then! Didn't realise the GP could do it without a hospital referal. It's worth looking into private prices..they aren't as much as you might think...unless you have IVF. x

So that you know I got all routine bloods done through the GP and OH did his sperm analysis. He needed to do 3 in the end so worth considering when you're looking at costs. I also got pelvic ultrasound arranged through GP. Again, I needed 2. I got first one within a month of referral if I recall correctly. This was all before referral to the fertility clinic. I totally get where you're coming from about some private tests not being too expensive in the grand scheme of things but in my case the initial tests were really quite efficient on the NHS and the costs really would have mounted up!!
 
Forgot to add that my OH has finally agreed to a sperm test. I think that the NHS will probably take too long so we will go private. This month we did manage to dtd 12 hours before I think I ovulated thanks to Clear Blue advanced 4 day opk. My normal opk wasn't positive til 2 days later. So it's possible we have been getting the time wrong.

Things were better this month but then a relative died and that kind of threw things off but hopefully we are in with a chance. It's cd23 now so fingers crossed.

In our experience, I wouldn't rule out NHS for a sperm test. OH just had a phone appointment with the GP and they left the stuff at the desk for him to pick up. After he handed in the sample, we had results within 2 weeks. Just to give you an idea of timescales. Compared to all the tests I needed it was really quick as obviously I needed to wait for the right times of my cycle.


Same for us it was only 2 weeks! But what is shocking is I was told my referal to the fertility clinic is 1 year hust to evsn have the scan of my ovaries etc done. Thats me on the waiting list at least!

I can't believe you have been told it will be that long even to have an ultrasound :shock:
In my area, the GP couldn't even refer me to fertility without one.
 

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