Toddler hitting

[kittyrooroo]

Hi everyone, looking for some advice! My little one is 2 and 5 months and for the past few weeks has been hitting. Only adults, mainly me and his daddy but grandad has had a slap to the face too. He's kicking too, and he's getting me so much more aggressively than anyone else. I don't really know how to approach it anymore. I've tried different tactics, pretending to cry so he knows that it hurts, getting angry, trying to explain why it's not nice to hit but nothing is going in.
Today, he has grabbed at my face and squeezed and I've got scratches by my eyes, he's kicked me in the legs so hard I'll be surprised if I'm not bruised tomorrow.
Writing this is making me so sad because he's usually such a happy little boy and as long as I keep him entertained with my full attention he's brilliant. But I can't do that all day long. I have to cook/clean etc.
I'm guessing he's only doing it for attention and he is an only child. I do tell him off every time he hits or kicks and he has to say sorry after he's been sat on the naughty step. I just don't know what to do next. We're hoping to try for a baby in the summer but I can't have a baby bump whilst being beat up by a 2 year old!

Sorry for the length! Any advice appreciated! Xxx

 

[Rooster30]

No advice because my 2 year 4 month old is also a hitter and we are really struggling with it. He is a lovely, lovely boy and hits when he's frustrated - which luckily isn't too often as he's very good at communicating, however it IS an issue. We usually put him in calm down corner, then have him apologise and tell us why he was put in calm down corner. It works for the meantime but obviously hasn't perturbed him enough to actually stop doing it altogether...

I'll be stalking this thread for suggestions.

 

[Glordag]

No advice I'm afraid but my boy did that for a while at about 18m and I found it very upsetting. He's 6 now and the kindest boy, he wouldn't dream of doing it now (he was actually throwing things hard at me rather than hitting me). So hopefully it's a phase for your little chap too. Best of luck

 

[Staceylou27]

I posted so someone else who was having similar problems with their lo.

I work with young people who display a high level of negative behaviours, our principle (if you want to all to that!) is to ignore the negative and praise the positive. The behaviour is no doubt purely for attention.

With your lo try not to make reference to the behaviour for example don't say 'don't hit me' as you are re enforcing the hit. Instead redirect to the naughty step if that's what your using and use very little language- only enough for him to know he ha to sit on the step.
When he is sat on the step don't give him attention or eye contact. It's up to you of you ask him to say sorry afterwards, when he has sat on the step. In my work place we wouldn't with most young people as they have a disability and don't understand the meaning of sorry.

You could also try ignoring the behaviour when he does it and say something like 'we're bit doing that, we're doing this...' And re direct to something more positive or back to the game/toy he was playing with.

It's hard to write it down so I hope I'm making sense!

When he does something good make sure you give praise.

You have to be consistent and everyone should take the same approach. He will work out who is the weakest link and target them as he gets the best reaction from them. It will take time but eventually he will learn that the behaviour doesn't get the desired response ie your attention! He may also try a range I behaviours during this time to see which gets the best response- there will be some things you can tolerate more than others and he will try work this out!

 

[littlemonkey]

Argh wrote a huge post and deleted on my phone!!

Basically do like stacylou says, ignore all negatives. My LO is the same starting with tantrums and we've seen an improvement already in one weekend by just ignoring him when it begins!

 

[Baby2sky]

I have a lo who bites. I can't ignore something like that. She doesn't respond to the naughty step as she likes climbing the stairs anyway and throwing all her clothes and toys down. So we use the naughty pram lol as she hates going in her pram and thinks it's for babies lol. I think its not about the technique you use, more about everyone being consistent with it.

 

[littlemonkey]

I have a lo who bites. I can't ignore something like that. She doesn't respond to the naughty step as she likes climbing the stairs anyway and throwing all her clothes and toys down. So we use the naughty pram lol as she hates going in her pram and thinks it's for babies lol. I think its not about the technique you use, more about everyone being consistent with it.

I have to disagree. We were consistent in using naughty seat and LO was still acting up. Since both being consistent in ignoring his tantrums, he's improved in a short amount of time

My son was biting at about 18 months and we successfully dealt with it with a simple no, picking him up and moving him away from the situation with no further talking.

Personally I think a two year old is too young to be negotiated with. By trying to talk sense into them it just gives them what they want, some kind of attention. Sending the message that bitting and hitting doesn't get any attention with out using any communication works much better in my opinion.

 

[Baby2sky]

Thats all well and good but if my daughter was bit or hit at soft play or something and the mother just moved the child away with no consequences to the action I'd be furious. My daughter hit a child at soft play once and I took her home. Shes never done it since. Where as I constantly see kids hitting each other and biting and just no consequence at all. I just dont agree with that at all. I don't negotiate with my lo. I explain what she has done is wrong, why, and give her a consequence to that action (the naughty pram or removal from the play area). She responds well to it. I do ignore tantrums which works but I just think certain behaviour cannot be ignored.

 

[Iwant3]

It's not so much ignore as in just carrying on as if nothing happened, but not shouting, saying no don't hit/bite...it's removing them from the situation in silence, or just saying no and sitting them on step etc, no eye contact (no proper attention). Still following through the 'time out' if they get up from the step, just silently place them back until they stay for the time you want them too. Then once they have been sitting nicely go over acknowledge them, ask to say sorry, and let them join back in with that they were doing. If they do it again, start the whole process again. This can still be done at the soft play - just take them back to the table and chairs and have them sit out while the other children play etc.

Even bad attention, i.e. shouting, explaining why it's wrong etc will be attention which is all a toddler showing Attention seeking behaviour is wanting. So by giving over the top attention for when they are being good, i.e. you are playing nicely....did you share your toys with xx you are very good, you can put your coat on really well, wow you ate all your dinner! hugs/reward stickers etc.... but silent actions to deal with negative behaviour.

 

[littlemonkey]

It's not so much ignore as in just carrying on as if nothing happened, but not shouting, saying no don't hit/bite...it's removing them from the situation in silence, or just saying no and sitting them on step etc, no eye contact (no proper attention). Still following through the 'time out' if they get up from the step, just silently place them back until they stay for the time you want them too. Then once they have been sitting nicely go over acknowledge them, ask to say sorry, and let them join back in with that they were doing. If they do it again, start the whole process again. This can still be done at the soft play - just take them back to the table and chairs and have them sit out while the other children play etc.

Even bad attention, i.e. shouting, explaining why it's wrong etc will be attention which is all a toddler showing Attention seeking behaviour is wanting. So by giving over the top attention for when they are being good, i.e. you are playing nicely....did you share your toys with xx you are very good, you can put your coat on really well, wow you ate all your dinner! hugs/reward stickers etc.... but silent actions to deal with negative behaviour.

This is what I'm trying to say. Thanks for explaining it so well I want 3.