Think I'm in the middle of cracking up

[Jelly_Fly]

Hi not sure where I should put this but I need to do something!

I've been on antidepresants for the last year, well I took my last one 6 weeks today - on the morning of my wedding. We had decided that after the wedding we would start ttc number 2 so I'd need to be off them. I had gradually reduced my dose over a few weeks until I got to 20mg but wasn't quite right when I got to 10mg so went back up to the 20's for another couple of weeks. When I reduced back down later I felt ok and eventually stopped altogether. I felt fine for a while but 2 weeks after the wedding I had a mc. I didn't know I was pregnant as I was on the pill (don't think the pill suts me as thats what happened with DD!) Since then I have just gone down hill.

I'm arguing with DH, can't cope when DD is playing up, getting stressed in work & feeling frustrated that I have to spend most nights in the house on my own (DH manages a pub) I feel like I don't have a life. Made an effort to arrange a night out with the girls tonight but as soon as I told DH he said he thinks I should stay in as we are trying to save some money. He's in work tonight so it would be another night on my own. He's off tomorrow night but decided to tell me in the next breath after saying I should stay in that he is going out! This really p***es me off. He said to ask the girls around but I'm the only married one with a child & they don't want to be stuck in on a Saturday night.

Everything has just got too much now & I feel like locking myself in a room on my own but I'm home alone with DD so can't even do that!

Sorry about this but I needed to get it out.

Thanks for reading.

Emma

 

[HollyHobby]

Hi Emma, hopefully just getting it out will do the trick, but if things seem to be getting worse maybe go speak to your GP about it.
It sounds like you need some time to grieve for your loss and that everything is building up and youre either going to explode or keep things inside and build them up.
I tend to think exploding and just getting everything out is the best route to take - ever feel like a scream room where you could just go in and let rip?
Why not ask your girlfriends over mid week?

 

[Jelly_Fly]

I'm terrible for keeping things in. Thats why I ended up on antidepressants in the first place, my dad died when I was 21 & I have never really grieved. So 3 years later I ended up on them.

Looking back I can see how bad I was before I started taking them & feel really bad for DH & what he had to put up with & don' want to get back to that stage but I don't want to go back on them.

 

[HollyHobby]

You could try Stressless, you can buy that in boots and is like a very mild sedative effect.
I can understand you not wanting to go back on them, but sometimes a bit of extra help does no harm and I dont think they would harm your chances for ttc, you could ask your doctor about that.

Sorry to hear about you dad
Have you thought about councelling at all? Your gp could arrange that for you, might help?
Or keeping a private blog just to type out your feelings, that can help too and help you make sense of everything - there's lots of alternatives to ad's that can help.

 

[Jelly_Fly]

I did try counselling when I was in uni but I didn't get on with it. I find it hard to talk to people about things & the counseller just sat there umming & arrhing when I was talking & it put me off. It might be an idea to try another one but just the thought of opening up to someone I don't know puts me off.

My gp told me not to start ttc until I was off the pills so I'll looking for a natural way now!

 

[ejjie]

Hi Emma

Sorry to hear you're down it's understandable to be feeling all these different emotions after what you've been through. Since the miscarriage was only recent maybe you should take a bit of time getting over that and not stress yourself out TTC #2 until you feel a bit better.

Your doctor might be able to recommend a counsellor or another method of treatment when you feel ready to try again. Try and talk to your DH instead of letting it bottle up, I'm sure he'd be more worried if he knew you were keeping it all in.

Hope you feel better soon xxxx

 

[rusks]

hi hunny welcome to the forum sorry you are feeling down wanted to send some hugs

don't expect too much of yourself at this stage, congratulations on your wedding by the way

it takes time after a miscarriage i am sure to learn to cope with it, you don't have to be superwoman.

How old is your DD? we're always here for a chat

 

[Jelly_Fly]

Thanks everyone.

How old is your DD?

She'll be 3 in November. At the moment she's goingthrough the stage of not listening to me!

 

[rusks]

aww these lovely phases our kids go through!!

 

[Anna23]

 

[Sammystar]

Aww hun, sorry to hear you're feeling low.

I agree with the others, maybe you need to give yourself a little time to grieve before stressing about TTC again.

If you are really struggling off the AD's, there are some which are safe to take whilst TTC and during pregnancy, it all depends on the level of your depression.

Alternatively, exercise really helps, especially if it's outdoors. Get your OH to look after DD and go for a run. I know it sounds cliched but when I suffered from PND a couple of years ago it was the best bit of advice my counsellor gave me (he was useless at everything else lol!)

Have you at least got a good DVD and some chocolate for tonight?

 

[HollyHobby]

How are you today Jelly fly?

 

[Jelly_Fly]

I'm feeling a bit brighter today. I did go out & had a really good night. The only problem is the hangover!

 

[Anna23]

i can vouch for the hang over i hope you get better soon and i'm glad your a bit brighter today

 

[HollyHobby]

Glad to hear that
This site is really strange, we encourage people to have sex, pee on sticks, check their innermost lady gardens (and tell everyone what they find!) and get sloshed.
The mind boggles

 

[Jelly_Fly]

Thanks again everyone. I'm feeling even better this morning even though Amelia has been up since 6am (she normally sleeps til 9 so I'm not used to it!) I'm going to try & be more positive about everything from now on!

 

[Anna23]

i'm glad your feeling better, i find keepnig busy helps when i low