Suprising answer from hubby!

[babyblonde]

Had the discussion I was dreading with hubby today about whether or not to have the Down's test when the time comes.

In the past he has said that he wouldn't want a baby that wasn't perfect and would expect me to have an abortion if there was going to be anything wrong.

BUT today he said he wouldn't want to have the Down's test as he wouldn't want to have to make that decision - as once the baby was born he knows he would love it whatever.

He said the only way he would want to terminate the pregnancy was if my life was in danger or if the baby wouldn't live if it was born (he said he couldn't cope going through that - but that ultimately it would be my choice).

He has really surprised me! In a totally good way. I think losing the baby last time has put things in perspective for him.

Bless

 

[Jaded Diamond]

aw i'm glad he's changed his mind.
is that test offered to everyone? (i'm so naive, sorry)
xx

 

[babyblonde]

I think so. Just wanted to be prepared for if it was offered.

 

[Jaded Diamond]

i'll have to speak to the boy about it then.. don't want to look suprised if it is offered
i don't think we'd have it though, like your husband said, we wouldn't want to have to make a decision when we'd love them no matter what.

xx

 

[babyblonde]

It's bugging me - someone posted about this the other day and I can't remember who.......

Think what was said was that basically, the test only gives you an idea of whether there is high or low risk of Down's. It could say low risk and they could still have it, or it could say high risk and they could not.

Am going to try and find that thread.....

 

[babyblonde]

It was Frog99 - sorry for forgetting you hun!

I found it a really helpful post

http://www.pregnancyforum.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=104148

 

[Jen & Her Men]

Oh thats so lovely hun.

We decided to have the test but said we would keep the baby whatever the results - we would just prefer to know so that its not a shock when bubs arrives and we can get our heads round it and plan during the pregnancy.

 

[babyblonde]

I think that's a lovely approach Jen - not sure it would work for us as I think hubby's whole reasoning for not wanting to know is that he's not sure how he'd handle knowing in advance his baby wouldn't be 'perfect', but knows that once he met him/her it wouldn't matter.

 

[Jaded Diamond]

It was Frog99 - sorry for forgetting you hun!

I found it a really helpful post

http://www.pregnancyforum.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=104148

Thank you for posting that!
I think i'll have a chat with G later. I'd so not thought about any of that stuff.
xx

 

[babyblonde]

Neither had I until Frog's lovely post!

That's what I love about this forum - people are really good about sharing their experiences so that when your time comes you know what to expect!

I can imagine that kind of discussion could be very awkward at the mw appointment if you weren't prepared.

 

[Jaded Diamond]

I'd be sat there open-jawed and stuttering a lot lol.
I do love that everyone shares stuff like that to help us all feel prepared/normal lol.
xx

 

[Chopsie]

Not all NHS trusts will offer you the nuchal translucency scan at your dating scan - in fact most don't. I was offered a blood test at 15 weeks to ascertain the risk of downs, and the option to decide from there whether or not I want further tests done (either CVS or an amnio, which are both invasive and carry a small risk of miscarriage)

Whether I'd have an invasive test I'm still not sure, but I'm going to have the blood test so I at least know the risk and can decide from there.

 

[Serendipity_]

I have a cousin who is down syndrome and I am not sure if that will make any difference in me having a high risk or low risk. What does the scan involve, is this the one where they put the needle in your belly or whatever they do? I don't want the scan to be honest. I'm not going to get rid of the baby if its down syndrome, I just couldn't do it. So I don't really want one. They would surely pick up on more abnormalities at the later scans anyway?

 

[babyblonde]

Thanks for that Chopsie!

See ,we are missing you in First Tri already!!!!!!

 

[Frog99]

I have a cousin who is down syndrome and I am not sure if that will make any difference in me having a high risk or low risk. What does the scan involve, is this the one where they put the needle in your belly or whatever they do? I don't want the scan to be honest. I'm not going to get rid of the baby if its down syndrome, I just couldn't do it. So I don't really want one. They would surely pick up on more abnormalities at the later scans anyway?

The first downs test is a blood test and measurement of some neck tissue on the baby which is done during the dating scan (well in Cornwall it is anyway).

I'm glad my post has proved helpful to you all - I did indeed sit open mouthed thinking about my answer. The midwife was lovely though - saying that if I changed my mind I could ring the hospital before my appointment and rearrange for tests to take place during dating scan appointment.

I haven't got my second mid-wife appointment until Feb and haven't got my scan date through as yet either but I'll keep you all posted on any other 'surprises' along the way!

 

[Mama 2 Be]

Ours (London/Kent) offer the test by measuring the fluid on the babies neck AND by taking bloods.

We decided NOT to do it because ultimately neither of us could terminate imagine if the test did say Downs but we had terminated a perfectly healthy baby as the test is not 100%, we'd NEVER forgive ourselves.

Our sonographer (or whatever the lady who pokes and proded and took pictures of our baby bear is called.) said that she is happy not to run the blood test but they still measure the fluid on the babies neck but only tell you if there is significantly something wrong which is exactly what we wanted.

 

[JayK2387]

Thought Id share my experience...

We agreed to it, at ours in Maidenhead you have the neck measurement and the bloods. I thought it was pretty much standard practice and being 21 didnt think it would show anything.

neck measurement was top end of normal at 3mm and bloods pointed towards downs (all but 1) so was invited back and told I was low risk but only just at 1/270.

Being an unplanned pregnancy and having only been with OH a few months we decided to have the marker scan done - again expecting to see everything was as it should be. Baby had 2 cysts on her head - a sign of edwards syndrome - as u can imagine... i was in bits. Was offered the amnio (needle in the tummy) and given time to think about it. We decided to go ahead with it as although we wouldnt have terminated we wanted to prepare ourselves... we were consulted that if the baby had edwards syndrome, it would not survive outside the womb and would probably end naturally before becoming full term.

The amnio wasnt nice... Was uncomfortable and for the next week every little twinge left me panicing.

Got the results... all normal... a little girl with perfect chromosones.

The cysts in her head had disappeared by week 24 and now shes a happy active little monkey.

So kinda feels like we went through it all for nothing.

If we decide to have anymore babies.... personally, i wouldnt bother with the downs test... I worried solidly for 24 weeks of my pregnancy to be told everything is ok xxx

 

[babyblonde]

Thanks for sharing Jayk - you have just confirmed my decision!

 

[Kittykins]

I'm SE London, guessing similar area to Mama 2 Be.

Here the default offer (nothing is compulsory) is the nuchal translucency scan at 11-14 weeks, together with blood tests. Neither of these are invasive. The NT scan is a normal dating scan, but where the sonographer additionally measures the fold of fluid at the back of the baby's neck - this is the test that can indicate Down's, but is not an accurate test (which is why many authorities don't offer it). When combined with blood test results (normal blood tests - your blood taken from your arm, not from the baby!), the accuracy is much higher, though still not perfect.The blood test does not affect the baby in any way, and will not increase the risk of miscarriage.

IF you get a high risk result from these tests, you are then asked if you would like either a) chorionic villus sampling (if <14 weeks) or b) amniocentesis (if >14 weeks). These are both invasive procedures, where a needle is inserted into the gestational sac (or thereabouts - can't remember exact details of CVS). They remove a small quantity of fluid and test that. CVS carries a 1.5% risk of miscarriage, amniocentesis has a 1% risk - though it's not known of CVS has a slightly higher risk simply because it's performed earlier, when more pregnancies are likely to fail.

It's worth bearing in mind that the 20-week abnormality screening scan will also pick up many of the markers of Down's. So if you did an NT scan and came back as high risk, but knew you would not terminate, then you should still find out within weeks whether or not your baby has Down's.


It's also worth remembering that 'high risk' of Down's is anything greater than 1:330 or thereabouts (as a 32-year-old, if I didn't have any of the tests, my default risk would be 1:388!). Compare this to the risk of miscarriage of amniocentesis at 1:100, or CVS at 1:66, and you'll see that the risk of Down's at that level is only a fifth of the risk of m/c by CVS. Of course, the situation would be very different if you were told you had a 1:2 risk of Down's and for whatever reason, you felt you needed to know.


FWIW, we are having both the nuchal translucency and the blood tests, since these pose no risk to the baby and are more accurate when combined. We would be unwilling to have either CVS or amniocentesis.