Struggling

[HollyRebecca]

Hi, I’m new here.
My husband and I have been trying to conceive for over a year. He’s been tested and everything is fine. I’ve been tested for pcos and the last bit was to wait for the gynaecologist to send a letter for an appointment but obviously that won’t happen for a while because of the virus. Other than my testosterone levels being higher than they should nothing else is pointing towards pcos (I know you can still get pregnant if you have it).
I was wondering how people cope mentally when they have been trying for a long time. It sounds cheesy but I feel like I’m meant to be a mother and I know my husband would be an amazing father. I get so down about it. People tell me “my time will come” etc but it’s hard nonetheless. Seeing people I went to school with have their second or third baby, seeing people who have told me they don’t even want kids ending up pregnant and so many people I know getting pregnant. I’m struggling, why not me? Thanks

 

[chattychar1990]

I felt exactly the same, I knew I was just meant to be a mum but getting pregnant wasn’t happening for me. It took me 2 whole years to fall pregnant and I was about the start ivf and I fell the month before.
Although it’s easier said than done but I found relaxing and not stressing over getting pregnant helped massively. The month I conceived I actually for once forgot about being pregnant. good luck. It’s a horrible journey when it’s a long one xx

 

[JennyS85]

Hi there and welcome!

It's such a difficult time when trying to conceive and it isn't happening. I found it incredible difficult to cope each month when AF came. I was obsessed with cycle days/opks etc but couldn't just relax. I also felt i was destined to be a mum.

Both hubs & I were tested with no issues - it just took us a long time. 18 months with our son whose just turned 4, nearly 2 years with the baby we lost last year and then only 6 months in a massive shock with the baby I'm pregnant with now. I just wanted say I've had so many black days wondering would I ever be a mum/give my son a sibling. But try and keep the faith and stress to a minimum. It can happen even when you've given up hope.

Wishing you luck, this forum is a great place to share xx

 

[HollyRebecca]

Hi there and welcome!

It's such a difficult time when trying to conceive and it isn't happening. I found it incredible difficult to cope each month when AF came. I was obsessed with cycle days/opks etc but couldn't just relax. I also felt i was destined to be a mum.

Both hubs & I were tested with no issues - it just took us a long time. 18 months with our son whose just turned 4, nearly 2 years with the baby we lost last year and then only 6 months in a massive shock with the baby I'm pregnant with now. I just wanted say I've had so many black days wondering would I ever be a mum/give my son a sibling. But try and keep the faith and stress to a minimum. It can happen even when you've given up hope.

Wishing you luck, this forum is a great place to share xx

Thank you for replying! So sorry for your loss, I can’t even imagine!

 

[HollyRebecca]

I felt exactly the same, I knew I was just meant to be a mum but getting pregnant wasn’t happening for me. It took me 2 whole years to fall pregnant and I was about the start ivf and I fell the month before.
Although it’s easier said than done but I found relaxing and not stressing over getting pregnant helped massively. The month I conceived I actually for once forgot about being pregnant. good luck. It’s a horrible journey when it’s a long one xx

Thank you for replying, I put this on a different site and nobody replied. Weird question, how did you relax and what helped you stopped thinking about it? It’s all I can do

 

[chattychar1990]

Thank you for replying, I put this on a different site and nobody replied. Weird question, how did you relax and what helped you stopped thinking about it? It’s all I can do

Not a weird question at all hun.
I think the reason I relaxed is because I knew we was going to start ivf the following month. It was December so we had lots of parties and celebrations in the calendar so we just had a month off of the healthy life and enjoy a good drink etc. I totally switched off from the whole baby making. Xx

 

[SockVortex]

It took my husband and I fifteen months to get pregnant so I know how frustrating it can be. Like Char, I was also due to go down the IVF route as my husband has sperm motility issues. We found out I was pregnant the day before we would have telephoned to start the cycle.

I definitely didn’t relax the cycle I got pregnant (if anything I was more focussed as I knew it was our last chance) and I’m not really a believer that relaxing can make it happen. I used to think that people who told me that were saying that it was my fault because I couldn’t ‘just relax’ and I don’t think it’s fair to put that added pressure on someone, even if it’s meant in a helpful way. Stress can only harm your chances if it’s stress that makes your periods stop so don’t think for a minute that your passion for achieving your goal could somehow make it less likely to happen

A number of things I believe helped us:

1. I got pregnant in my February cycle, in December I had a HyCoSy which flushed out my tubes. In the two cycles that followed it I had very minimal spotting whereas I used to spot for up to four days before a period. I think the HyCoSy did me some good.

2. My husband had been taking selenium tablets for about five months along with vitamin C and cod liver oil. This is in addition to his conception vitamin.

3. I never got egg white cm. In January I decided to add cod liver oil, vitamin d and red clover tablets to my diet (in prep for the IVF) and got tons of egg white cm for the first time ever that cycle. I could not believe it. I got it again in February. If anything I think this helped us the most as it meant D’s sperm was swimming through the best cm I could make.

Sorry this was a bit rambling! I hope you fall pregnant soon

 

[HollyRebecca]

It took my husband and I fifteen months to get pregnant so I know how frustrating it can be. Like Char, I was also due to go down the IVF route as my husband has sperm motility issues. We found out I was pregnant the day before we would have telephoned to start the cycle.

I definitely didn’t relax the cycle I got pregnant (if anything I was more focussed as I knew it was our last chance) and I’m not really a believer that relaxing can make it happen. I used to think that people who told me that were saying that it was my fault because I couldn’t ‘just relax’ and I don’t think it’s fair to put that added pressure on someone, even if it’s meant in a helpful way. Stress can only harm your chances if it’s stress that makes your periods stop so don’t think for a minute that your passion for achieving your goal could somehow make it less likely to happen

A number of things I believe helped us:

1. I got pregnant in my February cycle, in December I had a HyCoSy which flushed out my tubes. In the two cycles that followed it I had very minimal spotting whereas I used to spot for up to four days before a period. I think the HyCoSy did me some good.

2. My husband had been taking selenium tablets for about five months along with vitamin C and cod liver oil. This is in addition to his conception vitamin.

3. I never got egg white cm. In January I decided to add cod liver oil, vitamin d and red clover tablets to my diet (in prep for the IVF) and got tons of egg white cm for the first time ever that cycle. I could not believe it. I got it again in February. If anything I think this helped us the most as it meant D’s sperm was swimming through the best cm I could make.

Sorry this was a bit rambling! I hope you fall pregnant soon

Thank you so much for your advise! I kind of get what people say about relaxing and stuff but I also get where you are coming from. I just can’t switch off and relax haha. Thank you x

 

[MissMe]

I just want to say that it's not cheesy to say that you feel like you're ment to be a mom. If you feel like you're ment to be a mom then you're ment to be a mom

Good luck to you and I hope you will be able to relax and stop worrying too much!

 

[Lucie12344]

My partner and I struggled for 5 years to have conceive and had to undergo fertility treatment, for some unbeknown reason I just don’t ovulate naturally on my own and would go years / months without a period. we managed to conceive on my 2nd round of clomid but this ended in misscarriage at 6 weeks and my mental health was an absolute mess. I struggled a lot, I have an extremely supportive partner but even he couldn’t help bring me out of this dark depression.

I used to hate hearing ‘your time will come’ and seeing my friends and family welcome new life into the world so easily, I was filled with jealousy and this only made me hate myself more because I should of been happy for them.

Nearly a year later on clomid and no success, every negative test each month was a real stab in the heart. In October We’d arranged with our fertility practitioner to have IVF in November, my partner and I had one last try on our last round of clomid, 2 weeks later I took a test and it came back positive, I couldn’t believe my eyes. Once I saw our little squish on the screen for the first time all my deep dark depression seemed to fade away, in all honesty I think mental health will always be a struggle and trying to remain positive is practically impossible when you can’t seem get the one thing you want the most in life. But keep pushing, keep trying there’s so many options and routes you can explore! Good luck xxx

 

[HollyRebecca]

I just want to say that it's not cheesy to say that you feel like you're ment to be a mom. If you feel like you're ment to be a mom then you're ment to be a mom

Good luck to you and I hope you will be able to relax and stop worrying too much!

thank you xx

 

[HollyRebecca]

My partner and I struggled for 5 years to have conceive and had to undergo fertility treatment, for some unbeknown reason I just don’t ovulate naturally on my own and would go years / months without a period. we managed to conceive on my 2nd round of clomid but this ended in misscarriage at 6 weeks and my mental health was an absolute mess. I struggled a lot, I have an extremely supportive partner but even he couldn’t help bring me out of this dark depression.

I used to hate hearing ‘your time will come’ and seeing my friends and family welcome new life into the world so easily, I was filled with jealousy and this only made me hate myself more because I should of been happy for them.

Nearly a year later on clomid and no success, every negative test each month was a real stab in the heart. In October We’d arranged with our fertility practitioner to have IVF in November, my partner and I had one last try on our last round of clomid, 2 weeks later I took a test and it came back positive, I couldn’t believe my eyes. Once I saw our little squish on the screen for the first time all my deep dark depression seemed to fade away, in all honesty I think mental health will always be a struggle and trying to remain positive is practically impossible when you can’t seem get the one thing you want the most in life. But keep pushing, keep trying there’s so many options and routes you can explore! Good luck xxx

Thank you.
I’m so sorry you had to go through the miscarriage, I can’t imagine what it’s like!
Yes that’s how I feel, filled with jealousy all the time. Thank you so much. I was meant to get a letter from the gynaecologist but then this pandemic hit so will have to wait longer. My doctor did tell me if all tests are negative for polycystic ovary syndrome and nothing else it wrong then I can have medication to help me ovulate as well. It’s just the matter of waiting for this virus to end. thank you for sharing xx

 

[miamia]

Thank you.
I’m so sorry you had to go through the miscarriage, I can’t imagine what it’s like!
Yes that’s how I feel, filled with jealousy all the time. Thank you so much. I was meant to get a letter from the gynaecologist but then this pandemic hit so will have to wait longer. My doctor did tell me if all tests are negative for polycystic ovary syndrome and nothing else it wrong then I can have medication to help me ovulate as well. It’s just the matter of waiting for this virus to end. thank you for sharing xx

I wish you can start your treatment asap. x