Struggling with this mountain

[twilly]

having a desperately awful day.
Posting in here, although I haven't lost my baby, it looks inevitable as the diagnosis for Edwards syndrome is dire and I feel I will upset tri 2 with a post like this.
If I make it to full term, I'm only halfway through this mountain, how on earth can I do this?
all I hear from friends etc is that we are "amazing" and such an "inspiration"
Well I don't want to be, I just want my baby to be alive and healthy.
What if all my eggs are old and bad?
Sometimes I just want it over with as I'm sure it will only get harder when we lose her, other times I get desperately worried if I can't feel her.
What if she defies the odds and lives, what kind of life will she have, with severe mental and physical challenges?
I wish I knew how to feel.
No need to reply, just needed to vent.
Need o TTY and muster up the strength to get out of bed now.

 

[Nurse 26]

aww twilly, you really have coped amazingly and its no wonder you are feeling like this.

I dont think your eggs are all old and bad, just so sorry this has happened to you, i really hope you can have some time with your precious little girl.

We are all hear if you need us, although we cant understand how you are feeling, we will listen

Thinking of you hun. xxx

 

[Elfs Mummy]

xxx

 

[hayels]

sending massive loves xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[ZMD]

Your so strong Hun, thinking of you xx

 

[PinkFairy]

Thinking of you too. Easier said than done, but try not to look too far ahead. There is no right way to feel, you feel what you feel. You are doing brilliantly well coping with this. Get a good night's sleep and tomorrow will be a better day. Lots of Love xxxx

 

[cosmicgirl]

x

 

[Sarah13]

Thinking of you Twilly, I can't begin to imagine how you must be feeling but we're here for you to vent to anytime you want xx

 

[Mrs N]

I belive that special babies like yours are given to the people who can love them the most. If the baby defys the odds then you will love her and give her the best life possible. In the future you will go on to have healthy babies and you will have to remind them of your special little girl!!
All my toughts are with you hun!!
xxxxxx

 

[Baby Bean]

 

[Emerald rose]

I was 17 when my son was stillborn at 28 weeks with a genetic condition simalar to edwards (trisomy 10p) its got nothing to do with age. Its been almost eight years and i still wish i had just a few moments with him alive just to see his eyes.
Dont lose hope

 

[Corrinne37]

dont know what else to say, feel for you. xxxx

 

[twilly]

Thanks all.
It's exhausting, but in some ways at least we are prepared.
I'm just scared time is running out for us to try again.
Then I feel terrible for thinking it, as Eleesa Rose is still with us so far.
I know that at 34, people will say I have loads of time yet and I know it's true in some respects but I'm still worried.
We still need to be tested as in some cases people are carriers.
I think my world will completely collapse if we are.
It is said to be rare, but I just Feel like the odds have already been stacked against us so far.

 

[Corrinne37]

just keep being as positive as you pos can!!
you will get your bubba , you so deserve it. xx

 

[MamaBee]

xx

 

[Amyrose]

i wish i had the powers to make it all ok hun

 

[Vivienne]

xxx

 

[tinselcat]

Hi Twilly

Only just seen your post as I don't tend to read this section of the website.

I can't begin to imagine what you're going through. I am guessing your friends wish to be supportive but don't know how.

I can understand why you're worrying about your eggs but I would hazard that most of your eggs are probably still fine, you're young enough, it's just on the particular ovulation cycle that you managed to conceive, you were desperately and unfairly "unlucky" (if I can use that word without meaning to cause offence).

Since TTC I have learned that such a high percentage of women have miscarriages and how there are so many things can go wrong. A friend of mine recently had a healthy pregnancy but her baby died 1 day old after the baby's heart stopped beating in labour.

All I am trying to say is that I think any future pregnancies you would have could well be fine and with a healthy baby born at the end. It's just so terrible that you, and your child, have to suffer with this syndrome.

I wish I could say something that would help or comfort you but I know there are some hurts that go too deep to heal quickly. Sending all my best wishes

 

[twilly]

Thank you sweetie
I know you are right.
I'm still checking up on you and waiting for your bfp!
Xxx

 

[positivity :)]

twilly, i can totally see why you would feel this way. before you get pregnant you never imagine anything like this would happen, it must be crushing and also worrying beyond anything i can imagine.

i wish i could offer you words of advice or comfort. you have shown real strength so far, i have no doubt you can get through this, life throws these challenges at us sometimes and no matter the outcome i believe you will be better off for having this little lady in your life for as long as you do.

i will pray for you that she will be ok sweetie. xxxx