Struggling again..

[xMillie]

Fed up of finding this so hard.. was 5 weeks ago now that I started to miscarry and when I just knew that it was all over
I felt over it for a short while because the fact I COULD get pregnant when I never thought I could was something to cling on to..

I would have been just gone 11 weeks now and 12 week scan date was for this Thursday coming
Wish I could stop holding on to these dates

My mood is so on and off. But more off. One minute I feel good and positive that we can do it and again and then I'm back to feeling like this will never happen for us because if it does I'll only just mc again

I hate leaving the house because I feel so angry and bitter towards anyone pregnant /or with babies or children and I hate feeling like that.

I don't know what I did wrong or what I'm doing wrong
and I'm so scared that if we by some flipping miracle manage it again I'll just mc

 

[Foxy24]

I'm so sorry your feeling this way. I was the same a few years ago. It took us 3 years and 1 mc to have our little boy now.
How long have you been trying? I know it hard and I definitely didn't stay positive but you need to try. Like you said, you CAN get pregnant so it will happen for you. When the time is right it will give you your perfect little baby. Fx for you lovely and try to focus on the positive xx

 

[xMillie]

I forget sigs don't post here!
We've been trying since March 2013, with 2 rounds of failed ivf. It was our first ever bfp - by some miracle naturally!

I felt convinced that we'd done it again until a few days before my period when all symptoms left
So I'm back to feeling like what's the point as I defo ovulated and we'd covered the right days

I really don't want it to get to 5 years of trying.
Was really excited my e-duedate meant I would have finally been a mummy in time for Mother's Day, now instead I'm dreading that date

 

[Foxy24]

Is there anything else the doctors can do to help? Or you could very well fall again naturally as it's happened before x

 

[xMillie]

I don't think so nope
All tests we've had have come back fine so it was just straight onto ivf which we had no luck with

I do have a tilted uterus but that shouldn't be a problem apparently

 

[Foxy24]

Are you able to do anymore rounds of ivf? I really hope it happenes for you soon x

 

[xMillie]

We have one frozen Embryo waiting for us, but hubby doesn't want to do it til next year

 

[Foxy24]

How come he wants to wait?

 

[xMillie]

He's convinced we can do it again!
I'd like to believe that we could but I guess I just find it hard as it had taken us this long to get pregnant naturally in the first place.

We were about to do the frozen transfer in July but af never came and that was when I got my bfp.

I just can't seem to convince him otherwise that we should go for it now

 

[liz85]

Sorry to hear this Millie. Big hugs and I have everything crossed for you xxx

 

[xMillie]

Thanks Liz

I'm only cd6 so nowhere near ov but already feel like this cycle is just another waste of time

 

[JaneyJan]

So sorry to hear this xMillie, I can't fathom what it must be like to be going through that. I can't believe you're on this forum though! That is **strength** in itself, I haven't been ttc for long myself, and I still have to swallow hard sometimes, reading through everyone's BFP announcements, and straining to see double lines on their pictures when I so want one of my own.
I really hope it happens for you and that you get support off-line as well as online! Men are odd sometimes aren't they? I just think so often it takes them so much longer to come round to an idea.
Hats off to you for still being here and I hope you get the news you are waiting for soon.

 

[xMillie]

thank you xx

I have gone through times where I take a break from logging on here, I'm thinking I'll take another break from it soon, maybe give it a couple more cycles then I'll just accept that this isn't happening this year and go back to waiting for our frozen Embryo

I just wish I could convince him.. in the few months following miscarriage you're supposed to more fertile so surely we'd have a better chance with our frozen Embryo? But nope he wants to just wait and see what happens and worry about it next year.

 

[MariaIsabella]

Wish you all the luck in the world.

Took us several years and IVF to get pregnant and have our daughter so I know the feeling of hating pregnant people etc. I couldn't even meet my friends that were expecting and almost cried every time I saw a baby. My age didn't help since I felt time was running out.

I recently had a mc so understand how that feels as well

As others have said, try to keep positive. It will happen in one way or another some day. And remember you are not alone! xxx

 

[xMillie]

Thank you, I really hope so
sorry to hear about your mc xx


Yesterday was the hardest.
I'm hoping things will get easier from now.

It was my 12 week scan date, would have been 12 weeks today though.

Now there are no more appointments that would have been so maybe it will get easier?

I hope I can stop adding the weeks up soon.. every Friday I wake up and think I would have been this many weeks.. ugh

 

[MariaIsabella]

I know its so hard .. But if you can try not to think about how many weeks you would have been etc. since its mental torture. Try to think that this pregnancy was not meant to be. It was never meant to continue and it never would have no matter what you would have done. In this case there is no "this is how many weeks he/she would be today" since it couldn't have been.

You will feel better and try to keep positive and believe that one day you will be pregnant, hopefully very soon!

I also understand its hard to wait until next year with FET. You want things to happen now which is understandable. Time will go quickly though and I really hope it happens naturally before! xx

 

[xMillie]

Thanks so much xx

It is hard.. I just hope now that the scan date is gone I'll find it easier to move on!

I think maybe I need to give myself something to look forward to. Then instead I can start counting weeks down to that!

 

[Foxy24]

That sounds like a good idea. Anything you can count down to? That's what I'm doing atm. Was little disappointed that af has turned up but we in the process of moving house so that is why we are waiting till January now to ttc again but, at least it's giving me something else to think about to pass the time. x

 

[xMillie]

I haven't thought of anything yet, no

Good luck with the move, that is something else to think about for sure xx

 

[Eryinera]

It's really really hard going through losses (I've been through 4). Somehow you do pick yourself up off the floor. And the thing about hating seeing bumps and babe's that's the hardest thing and I know exactly how that feels. I'm blessed that I finally got my rainbow and it was worth the fight. Yes you can be more fertile after a loss but that can last for a long time too. I know several ladies lose the first one but not lose a sigla one after that and have multiple babies. Mc is awful and it ruins the pregnancy experience. But good can come of it. I'd just say make sure you take your folic acid for at leaat a month before you conceive as that can help make the egg nice and strong.
Maybe think of getting a charm or something to remember. In a way it helped me I had a physical thing that remembered so my brain didn't have to keep up that burden if you get me.