Stressy mothers! GAH!!!

[MrsDraven]

Spoke to my mother today, she knows damn well we've been engaged for over a year. My sister got married a year after her engagement much like us. My sisters husband has a tonne of money and a huge house. My fiance lives in a tiny flat and has no money. My mother HATES this, you either have to be rich or a serial cheater so she can get sympathy for it [no I'm not kidding] and my fiance is neither of these things.
We booked the wedding and paid for the registry office so I text her to tell her to keep the date free because we're getting married, stupidly thinking she'd be super happy like she was with my sister. Oh how wrong could I be, she is PISSED. My father hasn't even acknowleged it in the slightest, he's not even met my fiance or made any indication that he wants to. Fair play at least he acknowleges straight off that he doesn't care but my mother has gone out of her way to get to know him and we've given her 4 months of warning. All she needs to do is book a hotel for a night or 2 and a train ticket that's it. But she's complaining because apparently she has to start saving.
My sister was given money from both her and my father for her wedding when she's loaded, but I've been given no help whatsoever. With her attitude to be honest I don't want her damn money but it's just frustrating when she knows I can't work, I don't have a lot of money and yet I've had to pay for literally everything.
I'm the family black sheep because I stand on my own 2 feet and don't ask mummy and daddy for money. Put a damper on my wedding tbh, I hope she doesn't bother going.
Bah sorry had to vent I'm pissed off! I just told my mother I'm getting married, you figure she'd be giddy and happy. Apparently not....

 

[Lacey's Mummy]

That's terrible!! Why won't your dad get to know him and if your mum keeps being like that, I think I'd tell her not to bother coming. It's gonna be the biggest day of your life, you need their support!!

 

[MrsDraven]

I'll say that for my father, I have more respect for him than her. He hasn't bothered getting to know him, but he hasn't bothered getting involved in my life in general. Where my mother pretends to take an interest in my life then slags me off behind my back, my father leaves well enough alone. Fair play. I told her when she was whining about it quite simply, 'you don't have to go if you don't want to.' She hasn't said anything. So hopefully she won't go. So annoying though. If she were like that with all of us then I wouldn't be that bothered, but it's literally just me. She approved of everyone else in the family, she just doesn't approve of me for some reason.

 

[nik106]

Are you sure when your mum is talking about saving up etc, that she's talking about a hotel, outfit and train ticket etc? Its possible that what's she really thinking is that she's going to help you out financially with the wedding? I know that my mum has a certain amount of money put aside to help me out with my wedding (only cos she thought we'd need it to repair my car although i knew she had some) but when my brother's have gotten married, they've helped out, but not told them that they're even going to as they wanted to see how much it came to first - the fiance's weren't exactly trusted not to take the mickey. I'm not saying you would take the mickey, or even expect her to pay, but she may well be thinking of doing so and that its short notice to save up money to be able to help you out

 

[MrsDraven]

Nah trust me she won't help out. My mother can't stand the fact that I moved out and I've never depended on her for anything. We don't exactly get along, she hates my fiance because there's no drama between us and she pretty much thrives off drama. I never asked her for money there's no reason for her to save, the wedding is paid for. All I said to her was keep this date free to come to London, now she's moaning at me. Well fair enough then she doesn't have to keep the date free.

 

[nik106]

Well, good luck with it all! Maybe it is worth telling her not to bother if she feels like that about it! If she's not there to put a downer on it, your day will prob be a much happier one!

 

[MrsDraven]

I pretty much told her she doesn't have to come if she doesn't want to, that's up to her. So annoying though cause my family generally get to her way of thinking when she talks to them enough so literally none of them will go. Meaning my bridesmaids and flower girls won't be going. My maid of honour has already said she can't make it but she at least has a valid excuse because she lives in Holland and doesn't think she can get time off or money to fly to England. Fair enough. But my mother not showing up will more than likely mean none of the rest of my family will bother going either. Starting to regret paying for the wedding to be honest, not worth the stress.

 

[nik106]

It'll be their loss not yours! My sister's husband's mum & stepdad were late to my sister's and because the hotel staff wouldn't allow them in at the precise moment they arrived, they waited until it was over, caused an argument because they didn't wait for them (they were 40 mins late) and then made my bro-in-law's entire family leave and miss the reception. My sis and husband were understandly upset for a bit, but they soon came to realise they could have a fantastic day without them and had a wonderful time. It would be upsetting for you too, but if you don't let them get to you, they can't ruin your day, and you'll be able to celebrate with the people actually care about you enough to want to be there!

 

[MrsDraven]

Yeah I guess. Still a pain in the backside though, my sister won't go either. Allegedly 4 months isn't enough forward notice to get someone to cover for her at work for a day or 2. It's perfectly fine advance notice and she has really friendly, flexible bosses, it's the polite way of saying piss off I don't want to go. Just saying no is a little less stressful. Now I need new bridesmaids.