Still so hard

[her13]

I thought I'd post on here seeing as everyone seems to understand.

Feeling really awful lately I've just started a new job working with children and I absolutely love it.It's just made my broodyness even worse ,there's bumps and pregnancy chat all the time and I just try to ignore it because I love my job so much but it hurts i don't want to have these awkward stomach turning feelings when subjects come up I'm sure people know what I mean, and seems to be in my face everywhere even out of work .

My last misscarriage we over a year ago and I still don't see how this will ever go away unless I have a child. And that's looking very far away as my partner wants to wait now, after trying for a year and nothing happend so god knows how long it will take when he decides to try . I'm just overwhelmed with it all and can't really see a way to deal with my feelings x

 

[lisey]

I understand completely. I work with children too and we have a childrens centre on site that has baby clinics and ante natal appointments all the time. I am constantly seeing bumps and babies. I don't find it as hard as I used to but I do still have those days where it hurts.
I think the heartache of miscarriage stays forever, at least I feel like it will
I hope you feel better hun and I really hope your dreams come true sooner than you expect xx

 

[Eryinera]

Yes I feel you hun. I find it very hard to take my son to school at the moment I just have to keep my head down shuffle in shuffle out and try to avoid eye contact and thus conversations. Doesn't help I nearly fainted during my last mc in the classroom infront of an expectant parent so now I have them looking at me with that pity look. It's so hard and my oh doesn't want to try again either and I can't even think about trying right now. It doesn't make the hurt or longing go away though. I feel like I'm stuck at a bus stop watching everyone else get their bus and ride into the sunset while im sat here wondering if my bus will ever come. If that makes any sense at all.

 

[Nomi76]

I too completely understand. I experienced a ruptured ectopic pregnancy 5 weeks ago. Yesterday we had our followup appointment with the surgeon. Sitting in the waiting room seeing all those pregnant women come and go was heartbreaking, knowing that should have been me a few months down the road. Here's to hoping that we all get our wish soon!

 

[Rose83]

Totally with you all, my OH just sent me a photo of one of his friend's scans and it just made me burst into tears when I've been fine for weeks and really been feeling ok about it all. I would have been 20 or 25 weeks at the moment if either of mine had worked out and when I remember that it makes me feel sad and bitter that other people just have these totally easy first time pregnancies x

 

[MissyAK]

I totally understand what you are going through.

I had a miscarriage over a year ago and it still hurts. I have moments where I re-live what happened that day and I get so upset. My OH always tries to comfort me and make me think positively, but he has no idea how I feel inside. That was the worst time in my life.

 

[her13]

Thanks everyone sorry thought I had replied to this thread. Know it's old now . And lisey I wish the same for you aswell thank you so much ur so lovely. Eryniera haven't told anyone at my work as I don't want that pity look either and I know there's a lot of baby talk so I don't want people to feel awkward around me. It's tough bottling it up. I see the mental health team now and they think I've been having trauma flashbacks which makes sense really just wish I got help sooner. It's very tough thing to go through I'm sorry we all have these feelings x x x x x

 

[leean10]

I can fully understand how you feel hon as I have lost 8 babies and it hurts so much. My last mc was in October last year and I never thought I would get over it but I am starting too and love seeing my best friends little boy.

It still hurts though as I want one of my own now and I don't know if it will ever as I am now 34 and time is running out for me but I am always being told not to give up so you mustn't either.

You will never truly get over it, you just learn to live with it so it doesn't hurt as much but the pain never truly goes away.

Good luck hon and keep smiling xxx

 

[her13]

Thank you Leanne you got me Teary xxxx I follow you on here as I want to see you get your baby. You've been through this too many times I will be very happy for you when you get your that good 12 week scan . I will try to stay strong I guess we have to think how special it will be after all of this heartache xxxx and your right I guess the pain never goes it's about finding ways to cope x