Some opinions please...

[lisey]

Hi,

So a little background. We have had 3 miscarriages, we are currently undergoing the tests at RMC, I have had one set of bloods, the next is due middle of jan and then results in middle of Feb.
I have this real yearning to ttc now but OH is reluctant as he wants to wait for the results. We have had karyotyping done and all fine, thyroid tests fine etc. The main ones we are waiting for are clotting disorder results. If we were to fall pregnant before the second bloods/results, they will still see us but I just don't know what to do. I know nobody can tell me what to do but I just wanted your opinions, what would you do if you were me? I know if I told OH how much its getting me down that he would probably be willing to ttc now too. I have been feeling very low and the strain of the three losses has hit me hard this Christmas. I think the thing that is playing on my mind too is that I had a laparoscopy in October to remove endometriosis and from what I read online it always seems to say not to waste any time in ttc after the op as it can come back quite quickly. Any insight, advice or opinions welcome xx

 

[dollface79]

I think honestly that if it were me i would probably wait till hubby is back to being ready aswell. X

 

[georgie20]

me too, your a team, and im not going to say its not that long to wait because a day seams like forever. it sounds like he wants to wait for good reason. maybe sit him down and have a talk xx i am sorry for your losses xx

 

[CARNAT22]

I can understand your OH's stance... he doesn't want to see you go through another loss so he wants to wait and make sure there are no blood clotting issues - he has a good point sweetie.

However I understand your yearning, I truly do. I know how desperate you feel and how waiting one cycle is one cycle too long.

If it were me I'd probably just go for it, especially if the RMC would still do my second lot of bloods.

If I'd been medically told to wait then I would

X

 

[mishi]

Unless you've been told not to by the Drs I'd talk to your OH and go for it if he's happy.

If your clotting comes back abnormal, and you do cartch before appt, there is still plenty of time to start aspirin or low molecular weight heparin.

Good luck hon.

xxxx

 

[lisey]

Thanks for your opinions ladies. He is ready to try, he wants a baby just as much as I do but said he doesn't see the point in risking another loss when its only a few months to wait. This was a conversation we had straight after the first appointment. I totally get what he means and I do agree with his thinking but we have already been waiting 5 months (due to last loss and laparoscopy), its feels like torture to wait another day sometimes. The chances are, we wouldn't conceive before then anyway as it took us a year last time but I have that 'what if' buzzing around in my head. I don't think men quite get how each month feels like an eternity. We are definitely a team and I would never push him but I haven't actually spoken to him about it really as I have been trying to cope with these feelings silently. I just pretend I'm ok, even to myself sometimes. I feel so empty lately, it has hit me like a truck, I guess I just want to feel I am at least trying to make our dream a reality x

 

[lisey]

Unless you've been told not to by the Drs I'd talk to your OH and go for it if he's happy.

If your clotting comes back abnormal, and you do cartch before appt, there is still plenty of time to start aspirin or low molecular weight heparin.

Good luck hon.

xxxx

Hi hun, I posted the other reply before seeing your post.
The specialist nurse said it was best not to but these things happen and they would see us at their early preg unit, do the bloods again and see how the blood is reacting once pregnant (they will do this even after results too as part of their care plan).
I am assuming they would already have the results of my previous bloods by now. I am approaching the fertile period now so its all I can think of. Maybe I just need to speak to my OH and see what he thinks about it all x

 

[Hopeful75]

I'm currently being seen by the recurrent miscarriage clinic too. Slightly different- my clotting tests were done after mmc2 (although I didn't get the results for 6 months) and were negative. I'm not getting a second set of clotting bloods done. When I asked the consultant at the clinic about ttc whilst waiting for results for karotyping, he said I could try as soon as I'd had an af, but if I got pregnant to start taking baby aspirin immediately, regardless of any result. His comment was that the chance of finding the reason behind the miscarriages was so slim, it was better to just carry on trying.
Reading around, the experiences of recurrent miscarriage clinics and the advice given seems to vary from place to place, so I guess I'd just say you and your oh need to go with what feels right for you both. We're trying again before the results, but we have discussed whether we could cope if I got pregnant and then found that there was something wrong that would cause a 4th.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[lisey]

Thanks for your reply hopeful, that's what I have read too, that in most cases nothing is found. I haven't been told to take aspirin but I do have some. My OH still wants to wait so I have to respect that and just hope that time goes by quickly x

 

[Corrinne37]

hi lisey,
so sorry you have been feeling down honey.

my advice to you would be not to mention anything ttc to your OH, after everything you've been through it just puts pressure on the whole thing. love, fun and passion makes babies, not hurt, stress and desperation.
having the talk, 'we so want a baby, hopefully nothing will go wrong this time so lets try blah ' isnt exactly a passion thriller!! you want to make love to make love not to try and make a baby.

but god i know how hard that is!! i do know how you are feeling as we were stuck in the ttc/miscarriage/testing scenario for 3 yrs and it is soo emotionally draining and does zilch for the passion in your relationship.
well i know you know my story and i know your situation is totally different than mine, but go figure with this.....

we tried everything, i mean everything, then we went away to a hotel for 2 nights just the two of us, it wasnt even my fertile period , few days after period had finished. i thought blah timing is all wrong so just forget ttc, we both just really relaxed and hey presto.

if you have kept your sadness and suffering to yourself without OH i think thats great , i mean he knows deep down how you feel as he feels it too, believe me he will even if doesnt show it, as i said its just more pressure,
my advice to you is to take the emphasisas much as pos off ttc. if he doesnt think you are ttc it may be a good time and also after ypu have had the lap. i dont think it can hurt. if you fall pg i would take aspirin anyway asap

good luck honey xx

 

[lisey]

hi lisey,
so sorry you have been feeling down honey.

my advice to you would be not to mention anything ttc to your OH, after everything you've been through it just puts pressure on the whole thing. love, fun and passion makes babies, not hurt, stress and desperation.
having the talk, 'we so want a baby, hopefully nothing will go wrong this time so lets try blah ' isnt exactly a passion thriller!! you want to make love to make love not to try and make a baby.

but god i know how hard that is!! i do know how you are feeling as we were stuck in the ttc/miscarriage/testing scenario for 3 yrs and it is soo emotionally draining and does zilch for the passion in your relationship.
well i know you know my story and i know your situation is totally different than mine, but go figure with this.....

we tried everything, i mean everything, then we went away to a hotel for 2 nights just the two of us, it wasnt even my fertile period , few days after period had finished. i thought blah timing is all wrong so just forget ttc, we both just really relaxed and hey presto.

if you have kept your sadness and suffering to yourself without OH i think thats great , as i said its just more pressure,
my advice to you is to take the emphasisas much as pos off ttc. if he doesnt think you are ttc it may be a good time and also after ypu have had the lap. i dont think it can hurt. if you fall pg i would take aspirin anyway asap

good luck honey xx

Thanks hun,

Yeah I don't speak to him about it at all. I did ask if he thinks we should just try anyway but he said to wait. I think its silly to waste time on this but I have to respect his feelings I guess. When we are properly trying again, it will be more relaxed, I was super relaxed the last time we got pregnant and I really think its what made the difference. I think I will take the aspirin next time, I hope they don't tell me off for it, hopefully they will advise that anyway x

 

[Corrinne37]

hi lisey,
so sorry you have been feeling down honey.

my advice to you would be not to mention anything ttc to your OH, after everything you've been through it just puts pressure on the whole thing. love, fun and passion makes babies, not hurt, stress and desperation.
having the talk, 'we so want a baby, hopefully nothing will go wrong this time so lets try blah ' isnt exactly a passion thriller!! you want to make love to make love not to try and make a baby.

but god i know how hard that is!! i do know how you are feeling as we were stuck in the ttc/miscarriage/testing scenario for 3 yrs and it is soo emotionally draining and does zilch for the passion in your relationship.
well i know you know my story and i know your situation is totally different than mine, but go figure with this.....

we tried everything, i mean everything, then we went away to a hotel for 2 nights just the two of us, it wasnt even my fertile period , few days after period had finished. i thought blah timing is all wrong so just forget ttc, we both just really relaxed and hey presto.

if you have kept your sadness and suffering to yourself without OH i think thats great , as i said its just more pressure,
my advice to you is to take the emphasisas much as pos off ttc. if he doesnt think you are ttc it may be a good time and also after ypu have had the lap. i dont think it can hurt. if you fall pg i would take aspirin anyway asap

good luck honey xx

Thanks hun,

Yeah I don't speak to him about it at all. I did ask if he thinks we should just try anyway but he said to wait. I think its silly to waste time on this but I have to respect his feelings I guess. When we are properly trying again, it will be more relaxed, I was super relaxed the last time we got pregnant and I really think its what made the difference. I think I will take the aspirin next time, I hope they don't tell me off for it, hopefully they will advise that anyway x

yes they advised apirin for me but didnt prescribe, tbh i would of taken it anyway as i dont think it can hurt, so many people have had success with it after losses (although i know could just be luck) but if you've had losses w/o it then whats the harm I SAY!!

Yes ok you must repect his wishes, Just this time now then until you can try again to really reconnect with each other., lots of date nights, massages and sensual stuff w/o dtd. xxx

wishing you all the luck in the world x

 

[flisstebbs]

We waited for results and so glad we did as they found some sort of clotting issue, although not a defined disease. I went on heparin injections with the aspirin on my 5th preg and have the result sleeping on my lap!

 

[lisey]

hi lisey,
so sorry you have been feeling down honey.

my advice to you would be not to mention anything ttc to your OH, after everything you've been through it just puts pressure on the whole thing. love, fun and passion makes babies, not hurt, stress and desperation.
having the talk, 'we so want a baby, hopefully nothing will go wrong this time so lets try blah ' isnt exactly a passion thriller!! you want to make love to make love not to try and make a baby.

but god i know how hard that is!! i do know how you are feeling as we were stuck in the ttc/miscarriage/testing scenario for 3 yrs and it is soo emotionally draining and does zilch for the passion in your relationship.
well i know you know my story and i know your situation is totally different than mine, but go figure with this.....

we tried everything, i mean everything, then we went away to a hotel for 2 nights just the two of us, it wasnt even my fertile period , few days after period had finished. i thought blah timing is all wrong so just forget ttc, we both just really relaxed and hey presto.

if you have kept your sadness and suffering to yourself without OH i think thats great , as i said its just more pressure,
my advice to you is to take the emphasisas much as pos off ttc. if he doesnt think you are ttc it may be a good time and also after ypu have had the lap. i dont think it can hurt. if you fall pg i would take aspirin anyway asap

good luck honey xx

Thanks hun,

Yeah I don't speak to him about it at all. I did ask if he thinks we should just try anyway but he said to wait. I think its silly to waste time on this but I have to respect his feelings I guess. When we are properly trying again, it will be more relaxed, I was super relaxed the last time we got pregnant and I really think its what made the difference. I think I will take the aspirin next time, I hope they don't tell me off for it, hopefully they will advise that anyway x

yes they advised apirin for me but didnt prescribe, tbh i would of taken it anyway as i dont think it can hurt, so many people have had success with it after losses (although i know could just be luck) but if you've had losses w/o it then whats the harm I SAY!!

Yes ok you must repect his wishes, Just this time now then until you can try again to really reconnect with each other., lots of date nights, massages and sensual stuff w/o dtd. xxx

wishing you all the luck in the world x

Thanks hun, I am going to just go with the flow, this is the approach I want when we ttc again anyway, not timing BD too much or being frantic about it. I think I will definitely take aspirin next time, I am pretty sure they will suggest this anyway as it seems to be what they tell most people. The sticky blood/clotting conditions are the only results I am waiting for as far as I can remember and I think aspirin is the treatment for those things anyway xx

 

[Eryinera]

I'm similar to you in some ways. I am desperate to ttc again but other half wants to wait. I am trying to cope with things silently as much as possible I think what I'm doing is just trying to forget about things at the mo. The waiting feels like its taking forever but I know one day I'll be able to look back and all this stress and desperation will be a distant memory.
For now I'm taking my vitamins and folic acid and trying to concentrate and enjoy the things I can't do when pregnant. The nurse told me not to worry about the whys and what went wrongs but to focus on the fact that i did get a bfp and that means that I can get one again hopefully with a better outcome. she told me many stories about women who had uncountable amounts of losses and they have gone on to have beautiful babies. Those stories are helping me to cope. To know I'm not alone. But like you I am struggling with the wait.
I have told hubby that they recommend we wait for a while until everything has settled down and returned to normal so until then we have decided not to baby dance, not to say that we haven't been intimate.... I'm trying to keep the spice alive so that when we get the go ahead after the "recommended wait" things should naturally progress to bd'ing quite quickly and smoothly.

 

[lisey]

Waiting is really hard. I have come to terms with it now I think, its only next month now and knowing that makes it easier. I hope you're doing ok and I hope time passes quickly for you until you ttc again xx

 

[lisey]

We waited for results and so glad we did as they found some sort of clotting issue, although not a defined disease. I went on heparin injections with the aspirin on my 5th preg and have the result sleeping on my lap!

I was just going through this thread again and I hadn't seen your reply before. So sorry, wasn't ignoring you. I am so glad you have had a positive outcome from such a horrible and painful road.
I have had all the tests to be had now so just the results to come now.
When you have heparin is it given once you have a bfp or in the 2ww? X