Some advice?

[Pregnopaws]

Lately it seems to be all posts of people popping, wanting to pop, or trying not to just yet. So here's a different question...

Just been on the phone to the MIL and she's planning to visit for two goddam weeks when bubs is born (she doesnt know what dates yet). She won't be staying at our place, probably somewhere close by, but the last thing I want is her, the FIL and the BIL (who she will drag along too as he's a 26 year old lazy layabout still living at home,) to hang around me and bubs every day, all day long in our flat. Not keen on it since I'll be trying to breastfeed.

So girls, how long do you think sticking around here would you consider too long and do you think its rude to set a limit on visits? I don't hate the woman but she's a complete bag of nerves and quite bossy at times. The kind of person that drains your energy after 2 minutes!

 

[Babylicious]

The first couple of days you are going to be shattered so there's really not much point in them coming up at that time, I'd say 2 days is enough to have them around

 

[Pregnopaws]

The first couple of days you are going to be shattered so there's really not much point in them coming up at that time, I'd say 2 days is enough to have them around

Oh bloomin heck thats gonna go down well.. esp if they're booking 1-2 weeks for flying over. Don't wanna get into arguments with hubby over it!

 

[happy-chick]

Could you not convince them to just come for a week not two then come for another week when u and baby are a little more settled etc? I wud make sure u explain that you & hubby would love to see them but your going to be very tired so just make sure they are prepared for that, kinda hinting in a tactful way

 

[Pregnopaws]

Could you not convince them to just come for a week not two then come for another week when u and baby are a little more settled etc? I wud make sure u explain that you & hubby would love to see them but your going to be very tired so just make sure they are prepared for that, kinda hinting in a tactful way

I could try that thanks hun.. thing is everytime i open my mouth to say something.. words just dont come out lol and I only end up ranting about her after.. I could send an email droppin hint or two also hmm!

 

[mayday]

Whatever you want, make sure you and OH make it clear. I would recommend what has already been recommended - a quick visit and then then a longer one when you are settled. Firstly, they will probably not be there the instant you have your baby, it will take them some time to book a flight and get over there. Secondly, you only get this time once, and make the most of it the way you want to.

My MIL came down for a week 6 days after our baby was born. She only came down then because my mum had gone back to work and OH was still frantically building our house (supposed to be ready in time for baby ) She arrived and her first words to me, I will remember them till I die, were 'how are your breasts?!' Then she asked how my pads were. Then she tore through my house wiping down everything with Dettol, wouldn't let me get out of bed when I wanted, swaddled my baby even though she hated it, cooked all the food in the fridge and put it in the freezer, and - memorably - ironed all of my knickers! She took me out once (I had a caesarean and couldn't drive,) and took me under protest to the stables to see my horse and friends. I patted my horse, and she wouldn't give me my baby back until I had changed my tshirt! (Baby has done a whole lot of getting used to horses since then - it's fairly mandatory round my half of the family, especially as we have 3 horses in the back garden now.) Then she nearly killed us by driving up the kerb on the way home, as she swore she could hear voices (it was the radio )

I have never been so glad to see someone leave. My friend, the stables manager, actually came round the next day to try and rescue me, but MIL wouldn't let baby near the horse 2 days in a row.

So I say - be grateful for the help, and DO make her help, but also limit it to the length of time you want.

 

[Sherlock]

I'd ask them to delay and wait till baby is a bit older. The first couple of months are going to be tough enough and you could do with the time with baby before they arrive and want baby time. I'd not want anyone coming to stay, even if not at my house, for 2 weeks so soon after our baby is born.

You need to find your feet, work out your routine, get to know your baby and bond and just recover from giving birth and being a new Mum. Too many people visiting for such a long time are a distraction and mean you can't settle into things so well IMHO.

My OH's mother is flying over from Australia 2 months after my due date and staying 6-8 weeks, half of it with us, with a break going elsewhere in the middle. I'd not have her come over before as I think it would be a wasted trip as baby will not really be aware of surroundings and people as much as s/he will be a few months later. I think she will get more from her visit once Baby is a bit older and I'm into a routine of sorts and found my feet with it all. Also I want hubby and I to have our time with Baby together before someone descends for so long.

Do as you feel comfortable doing, but don't allow yourself to be pushed into something you are not happy with.

 

[ella]

I have told everyone my Dh has two weeks off and then my mum is coming up for a week then my sister for ten days so all other people that will be coming to stay in the house will be after this time, its not strictly true as my mum and sis are flexible and say they will come whenever I like (why cant other people be like this) - you could try saying something like that to buy you a little time to get settled and sorted

 

[moomoo192]

can't you tell her the midwife thinks baby will be here next week? that way she'll hopefully rush over and be gone by the time bubs is here and you won't have to worry about her bothering you

 

[Pregnopaws]

All very good advice girls thanks.. I've decided not to stress about it and when the time comes I'm going to say how I feel and will just kick everyone out when I've had enough. Your right though I could probably do with some help!

 

[DebbieM]

I'd give them a day or 2 max, then tell them you and Wes and Ryan need bonding time and to be alone.