So sick of the Question "when are you going to have another one"...

[lisey]

As the title says, I am so sick of people going on at me. My family is big and everyone seems to be super fertile so its a shock to anyone in my family that it could possibly be harder for some of us.
They know about 2 of my 3 miscarriages so I wish they could have some sensitivity towards the situation and just realise that this is a harder journey for me than it was for them. Every-time someone asks me the dreaded question, I feel like crying and shouting at them that I am trying my hardest and I have suffered 3 losses so leave me alone. I just feel so deflated at the moment and drained with ttc, tests and investigations.

So sorry for the big long rant, I just wish I could fast forward time to when I finally have my forever baby x

 

[mylullaby]

Aww, you poor thing. That's so insensitive - especially when they know about your miscarriages. Perhaps turning round next time and screaming that you're working on it will stop them bringing it up like that. Crap advice, I know, but just wanted to let you know I think it's massively inappropriate of people to ask xx

 

[lisey]

Thanks, I thought so too but didn't know if I was being over sensitive. My best friend said she agrees though and thinks its wrong of them to mention it. It just adds pressure cos I know everyone is waiting for an announcement or looking for any weight changes, round tummy, bigger boobs etc xx

 

[mylullaby]

You're definitely not being over-sensitive! This might be a ridiculous suggestion, but perhaps having a think about how to tackle the next similar comment would help you put a stop to it once and for all? It might be easier for you to stay calm yet still make your point clearly if you've done a little behind-the-scenes rehearsal? I do think you should say something to stop them saying these things, because it sounds like they can't see what they're doing wrong so not likely to stop. Must be so hard for you. xx

 

[lisey]

Thanks hun, I have thought about that. Someone on here in a previous post about something similar said we should say "Oh, I am 8 months pregnant now, cant you tell" which I would love to say but one of the people is my sister and I can't be sarcastic with her. I will have to have a think, for now, I am just saying that we are not trying at the mo so for them not to expect any news soon which buys me a bit of time with the pressure they put on me xx

 

[mistyblue]

I'm sorry to hear this, hun. I have had something similar along the lines of 'never mind, you can try again.'. It makes me so cross. As you say, when others seem super fertile, they just don't get that it's harder for some of us or don't think an mc is a big deal. I have told people we want to have some time just the two of us for now. It seems to shut them up for a bit anyway. I hope things get easier for you soon, hun and you will definitely have your forever baby very soon x x x

 

[Tommo]

I've had this problem in past too and I always say "it's not for want of trying" and if they're insensitive enough to ask I don't mind being frank about my 5 miscarriages.
People mean well but I still think shaming them is a good tactic for future avoidance of this problem :/
Also, "it'll happen when it happens". Duh, ya don't say!!!

 

[mylullaby]

Yeah and you have to be careful with sarcasm anyway as people can misinterpret that as an invitation for humour at a time when you really don't need jokes about pregnancy thrust upon you. Hopefully you've bought a little time for yourself with the most recent line. Keeping my fingers crossed that you get your forever baby very soon xx

 

[lisey]

Thanks everyone, I am glad to know I am not being overly sensitive about this x

 

[Lozzaste]

I'm 100% with you on this one!
Hope you're ok xx

 

[laurat]

I agree with the problem of people saying these inappropriate things.i used to get it from work colleagues every time a baby was brought into work the oh you will be next. After 3 years ttc and a mc one day I had enough and I said well its not easy for everyone and can cause heartache to have a mc so we will see. Never had the comment again.