Single mum

[poochielove]

OH has made in glaring obviously he does not intend to help at all once LO is here, as he finds it too stressful already having to get his clothes out of the washing machine/move the hoover for me (but thats another story for the relationships section) So i am getting used to the idea of being a single mum (even though we are going to be living together IYKWIM). Firstly i am moving house at 36 weeks, how hard is this, has anyone done this so close to the birth? Nextly, how long will it take to recover after labour? As in i will be doing everything so need to pretty much get out of hozzy and get on with it. Next, how hard is it REALLY (tell me the truth) to look after a baby, clean, cook, look after dogs, do night feeds alone? Basically i need some single mums to tell me what i am letting myself in for ! OH seems to think his sister just sat at home on her arse with 2 young babies all day and cant understand why i cant.

 

[Snuggle]

Im not a single Mum but I moved house when I was 35 weeks pregnant and it was very hard going. Make sure you have plenty of people helping you and dont try to lift heavy stuff hun. Why is OH not helping you with baby?

 

[poochielove]

Im not a single Mum but I moved house when I was 35 weeks pregnant and it was very hard going. Make sure you have plenty of people helping you and dont try to lift heavy stuff hun. Why is OH not helping you with baby?

Dont get me wrong he will help with LO....just only the fun stuff. Not the nappies, feeding, changing...anything that involves moving!

 

[Snuggle]

Its his baby too, he should be sharing ALL the jobs equally You will be exhausted doing it all on your own and you shouldnt have too

 

[LisaJ1986]

I did the feeding, changing etc. It's not too bad. The nights are hard, but they get easier with time once you get into a routine. He should help you though.

 

[littlepip]

Hey ive been on my own ever since i was around 7 month's pregnant, His dad has seen him about 10 times for an hour or so but hasn't seen him at all the last 2 months. I moved into my flat when i was 37 weeks pregnant and i live on the 3rd floor with no lift. It was ok but my family all helped, it was a very exhausting day but you get over it! lol.
I had an emergency c-section so it took me about a month to recover from the c-section. the first 2 weeks were the worst! i would cry when i sat down because my stitches hurt but i had no help at all except my mum came around for a couple of hours most days to keep me company but other than that it was just me and ryan and has been ever since. ive done every single night feed and hes 6 months now and were doing just fine. I love him to pieces and couldnt be without him. the only night ive left him was to go out for my birthdya and i ended up crying and wanting him back!! You wil be fine but i agree with the others make sure he does his far share, I found the hardest thing for me was having no company so at least ull have that.

 

[Squiglet]

I moved home when I was 36 weeks pregnant with Tia.. My ex bugg*red off somewhere and left me to it... It wasn't hard as I had the help of family and friends

My ex did things for 3 days after the birth of Tia, after that he said he wasn't doing it anymore and I was left to it. It was hard because although I was basically a "single" mum, he was still living with me and not paying any money towards rent and bills... and because he was there I couldn't claim benefits not could I get placed elsewhere.. Its basically like having a fk buddy. Sorry to sound crude..

When I left him and moved in on my own, to Spain. I felt lonely..but it was EVER so much easy to just care for Tia and I alone. Night feeds, well I do all the night feeds now... I would suggest you breast feed as its sooo much easier in terms of co sleeping and as you don't have a "partner" to share the bed you have loads of room.

I still miss things about being single... I think you swap one set of problems with being single for another when you are in a relationship.. even in a good relationship.

You'll do just fine as long as you have the support of your family and friends.

 

[Sherlock]

Your OH is in for a shock.

If you are being left to do all the housework, care of the baby and cooking etc then its hard going. I don't recall any 'fun stuff' in the first 6 weeks tbh. It was bloody hard work and we were both exhausted. Breastfeeding was great but neither myself or OH got much sleep. And my OH was wonderful and did all he could to help in every area. Seeing your OH not helping with things I think will cause much resentment. Its hard enough in the early weeks without the extra tension. Even the best relationships can falter in those first months trying to cope under the strain and adjustment to parenthood.

The advice people gave to me was to rest and sleep when LO did and to not worry about the housework etc during those times. I didn't listen and life was therefore shit for me. I had very little help from anyone other than OH and it was tough. However we did get through it.

TBH I think it sounds selfish of your OH. As a parent it can't be only doing the fun stuff and leaving the hard work to the Mum. Its about sharing things and him helping out at least in some ways. Be it cooking or doing some cleaning. Shopping, laundry. Something at least. Otherwise you will be exhausted. The early weeks of having a baby are about surviving on very little sleep so some support should come from him.

I had a good birth, some health problems from it that made trying to do things difficult and also had dog and chickens to see to. OH went back to work 4 days after LO was born. I was BF'ing so LO was on my boob practically 24/7 for the first few weeks. But the first few days after giving birth I felt weak, could not walk far with the dog and was worn out just walking up the stairs. All normal apparently. But I did those things. Also all the feeds, up most of the night while OH slept, then awake all day doing housework and caring for baby, dog and chooks etc.

I ended up having a total meltdown at 6 weeks and was diagnosed with PND. And that was with the amazing support of my OH.

I'd seriously get your OH to revise his expectations of fatherhood for both your sakes. He should meet you half way and do some things (if you are formula feeding he can certainly do a few of those so you can get some sleep sometime) to help.

 

[Tillytots]

honestly, it is hard. VERY hard. But you'll be fine you'll need a network of support around you like family and friends. You must take care of yourself too!!
I found at first I couldnt do things like housework & cook etc because there just wasnt time but I found ways around it. I sometimes have to call my Nan to watch James so I can have 5mins to myself and grab a bath but usually I can fit it in.

To be honest it would be alot easier for you if your OH wasnt there because if he is you'll have the added fact that you'll resent him for being under the same roof but not lifting a finger. I found this when my OH was with me for the first five days. When he went it was like 'Ok, Im on my own so I have to get on with it' when he was there I was constantly looking at him with nothing but hatred because he watched me struggle and did fuck all about it. Family were more willing to help once he'd gone too because all the while he was there they would be saying he HAS to help you, its his baby he has to pull his weight etc but I knew he wouldnt do anything to help so he had to go.

Its just me and James now, my house is tidy and we have a little routine going on. I like it this way. He co-sleeps with me too. It will take a long time for me to let anyone back in to this now though - there certainly no room in my bed thats for sure

Most importantly I would no way have survived without the girls on here!They have been my tower of strength over the past year!! They are invaluable to survivng motherhood in my opinion

 

[Minxy]

You're asking the wrong questions.

What you should be asking us is how quickly a man can be trained in washing machine instruction and whether a broom inserted rectally needs to be surgically removed!!

Honestly honey, kick his arse into touch. He will HAVE to help you when baby's here, and useful stuff like hoovering, not just cooing over the baby whilst you do it. I would hope most of our single mum's had relatives/friends to help in the early days. That may not be a luxury afforded to you if they assume (mistakenly) you have an able bodied adult living with you.

 

[cloud9]

my ex prefered to get drunk and stoned rather than help me with my baby but it was easier without him in the end as i didn't have to look after him aswell.
you need to look at your support system around you before the birth if your ither half isn't going to help

 

[poochielove]

Thanks peeps you always no what to say! Feeling so much less stressed about moving house now. Feel guilty about moaning about OH cos to be fair he does earn all the money. *sigh* hormones are everywhere at the moment

 

[charlie84]

Hi ya hun he may earn all the money but so what he still has to help. My OH is the only one earning at the mo. well i get maternity pay bog standard but that is for baby stuff. Even if the only income was to come from my OH he would not come in from work and do nothing
1 i wouldnt let him and 2 its his baby too so he HAS to share the nitty gritty stuff its a part of being a daddy.

Admittedly he doesnt help with night feeds due to breastfeeding but in the early days he would be up with me making sure all was well and even helping Calleigh latch on.

I mean my OH doesnt do alot of the domestics but he gets stuck right in with LO. He spends the time between when he gets home and when she goes to bed with the bab. And bathtime daddy is the one who gets her in the bath and bathes her.

TBH i hope your OH helps out alot more or you will come to resent him being there which i am sure you will agree not a good thing

 

[lfc_sarah]

EXCUSE ME!!?!!

Why are you accepting this???

 

[dannii87]

I'm a single Mum! So far, I have done EVERYTHING. The only time I ask my Mum to watch her is when I used to go to the toilet (after having surgery down there, it took me a while each toilet trip lol).

Personally, I would get him to help around the house more if he's not willing to help with the baby.

I threw myself into Motherhood far too quickly. I didn't give my body time to rest and I'm paying for it now with illnesses etc. You do need to take it pretty easy for the first few days because your body has been through a trauma and needs to recover.

Poor you though, he needs to step up to the role of being a Dad. xx

 

[*pud01*]

your OH needs a friggin good kick up the arse hun...
takes 2 to make a baby!
either way having a newborn is hard enough without a lazy slug sitting on the sofa creating more mess while you run round like a blue arsed fly! sugest you have words... harsh 1s!
unless your okay with it
on saying that i really thought peter would leave me to do everything, but he's been great so maybe once baby is there things would be different

 

[Chelle]

You poor thing I can't believe your OH actually said he will only do the fun stuff He really has no right to say that to you and I know I would be upset if my OH said that to me

I admit that I am concerned how OH will respond to LO as I always do everything in the house (cleaning, cooking, washing, etc) but even tho I worry about him not helping as much as I would like, I know he would never declare his intention not to help, and I hope he surprises me It's 1 thing to be a bit lazy and not help when LO arrives but to actually intend not to help at all is well out of order

 

[skairdykat]

I'd tell your OH to fuck off if it was me Cheeky *******, so what if he makes all the money?
Just stop doing stuff for him and when he moans tell him you can't do everything for baby with no help from him and still wipe his arse too

 

[Zodiac]

I'm a single mum, and to be honest for the most part it's absolutely fine. Yes - there are days when you're knackered and need a rant or a good cry, but these pass & you have many more great days bonding with your LO too.

A lot of people have asked me how I have coped, but as I left Olivers father while I was preggers, I have only ever known bringing up Oliver by myself... I would assume it's harder to have had the help of an OH and then split up to my situ. My situ is "normal" to me!

I have to say tho, my family & friends have all been a terrific support group. I had an emergency c-section & because couldn't drive & lift heavy thongs for 4weeks I went and stayed at my parents for a few weeks after getting out of hozzie.

Oliver is 8 months now & I've never been away from him for more than 4hrs. I agree that breastfeeding is a fantastic way of cutting down on your hassle with feeds (as well as being great for bonding & gives your Lo the best start in life).... you don't have to carry loads of stuff around whenever you go out, at night you can just flop out a breast without having to go downstairs to make a bottle, no sterilising etc.

The housework can slide a bit for the first few months - except for essentials like washing. And if you are cooking for yourself, make double or more of the amount & freeze!

Apart from all that - Ditto what some of the others have said about your OH. The fact is your NOT single. He's got responsibilities to look after his child. If he REALLY doesnt want to be involved in anything but the play stuff & you still want him in your life, then maybe as he's earning the money you could ask him to pay for a cleaner to give you a break from the housework & more time to devote to your LO

Hope it works out for you anyhow.

 

[BabyMagic]

Tbh it sounds like that you may be better of without him

I am a 'single' mum half of the time as my OH is abroad on business a lot. The first few weeks were a bit harder (LO crying somewhat more and needing feeding all the time). I have always really enjoyed being a mum though and from about 3 months LO and I have been SO much fun.

Obviously I enjoy having OH around as he helps a lot (particularly makes sure that I get fed), but I also enjoy when he is not around (like tonight), as after LO's bedtime I will have some 'me' time when I can be on here, read or just watch telly. I have househelp though so I only do some tidying up. I would recommend hiring a cleaner if you can afford it.

Good luck