Scared...

[cassi]

Since i was little i have always had terrible nightmares. when i was younger i was terrified of the dark and going to sleep.... i used to stay awake all night because i was scared of shutting my eyes in case someone came to kill me..i used to check under the bed in the wardrobe, bathrooms and all around the house before i went to bed..im much better now but if alan went away on buisness i would be terrified on my own in the house..

and for as long as i can remember i always get these thoughts and visions of anyone close to me dying like my family or friends or alan...and then i start crying imagining life without them...whenever i see murders on the news i get so scared...i love rollercoasters and things like that but whenever i go on one, or get in a car or a train plane etc i imagine crashing and dying..im absolutly petrified of things!!! i just ignore it and carry on with these thoughts unknown to anyone...sometimes if alan goes out and i forget to say i love you before he goes i cry my eyes out and think what if he crashes the car and dies?? i see all these things on the news happening to people unexpectadly...and now i am petrified of the baby dying.

is anyone else like this? i feel like im really f'ed up...and i feel like a really horrible thoughtless person for having these thoughts...i think i should go an see someone..i have even thought of trying hyposis to help but i just dont know what to do..im terrified of getting old and dying...im terried of watching my mom getting older cause i know whats coming and i just wish i could stop time...

even writing all this is making me cry...im really sorry if i have bought back any memories for anyone..i really dont want to upset anyone with this post..but i just dont know what to do and im worried and everyone on this forum seems really helpfull and understanding about what people ask.

thanks
cassi x

 

[Lauz_1601]

Hi Cassi I Know how you feel. I have thoughts like this too I have never lost anyone close to me so I think it may be fear of the unknown sort of thing. I always worry about OH when he goes out, you hear about stabbings ect around town and I always think what if something happens to him and always ringing and txting him to make sure he is ok. I worry about close family and what if something happens to them, my younger sister is going travelling next year and I think something could happen to her you hear so many stories. and stupid things like when we were in blackpool and OH and I were on a roller coaster and he wasnt holding on, I had visions of him falling out and I was screaming for him to hold on!

and now I have my little one I worry about something bad happening to her, soemtimes I sit there and think of all these bad things happening to people I love and there horrible things to think and I dont want to think them but for some reason cant get them out of my head!

Maybe going to speak to soemone might help you you can only give it a go.

 

[Em78]

ah cassi i really feel for you, this sounds like its making your life hell at the moment when all you want is to be happy about your baby.

now dont think i am saying you're crazy in anyway but i think you might be right about seeing someone.
actually i have a friend you is a hypnothreapist and he says its all about finding the root of the problem, which is often either forgotton or suppressed. this could all be triggered by something you know longer remember so you cant deal with it. so his job is to get people to find the root of the fears so they can start to deal with it.

i think you need to try and find out whats behind this and try to get a handle on it so that you can be free to enjoy life, maybe before your little one arrives?

take care hun and remember there is always someone on here to chat to


x

 

[cassi]

i havnt had anyone die really..except when i was in school and a boy i knew david jefferson, but not very well..he was in the year below me and i used to go kickboxing at the same place as him..well he was going to a birthday party, i kinda had a crush on him..he was really smart and nice and had alot going for him..the dad was driving them and they crashed on the way back and david died in hospital and the boy whos bday it was died straight away...i was just talking to him that day before assembly and he said he was looking forward to going to a bday party later...that really shook me up and i never forgot about it...

 

[beanie]

(((Cassi))) when I was pregnant I had the worst thoughts about my OH dying. It really scared me everytime he went out or something and I was convinced he was going to have a car accident or something. I remember one time we were out and he and this other lad were having a bit of a chest puffing out match (why do they have to do that) and I went mad at him as I was convinced that a gang of blokes were going to come and kill him. I think it has a lot to do with your hormones, you are a mum and its natural that you want to protect your family. As for things happening to baby, I still am an absolute nightmare for it and have woken Seren up a number of times as she is so quiet when she is asleep. I have refused to watch Hollyoaks as I knopw it will get me anxious again. Your thoughts do not mean you are f'd up, and you are definately not a horrible person!!!! Death is scary and when you are faced with this much responsibility and new life I really do believe it is normal to have these thoughts. If however they are taking over your day to day life then I would advise talking to someone. I had very bad anxiety attacks when I thought about death and dying; and coffins (was terrified of them) and I saw a Community Psychiatric Nurse. That really helped me, it might help you? The main thing is hun you are ok and not alone, we are all here for you xxx

 

[Em78]

Just beacause you didnt know him well doesnt mean that the experience didnt get you thinking about how easy it can be to die. as adults we are confronted by this all the time but you as a child had probably never had to think about mortality before. someimes these things just stick with you and the thoughts get worse as you get older.

i really think it might be worth talking things through with someone. if the thought are starting to get irrational and stop you enjoying all that you have then its time to do something about it.

its a cliche but very apt, lifes too short to spend worrying about what might happen!

x

 

[cassi]

Thankyou very much for all you kind replies and thoughts, it means alot to me,.,i think i will go and speak to my doctor and see what he thinks cause im sick of being scared of everything..

thanks again
cassi x