Scared to have sex after episiotomy.. help!

[Bevsy]

Had Episiotomy 11 weeks ago and also tore inside. My hubby has high sex drive and although he is trying not to pester he is!
We have tried sex about 4 times now, the first time he could not even penetrate due to the pain. Since then we managed it once but after taking ages to just achieve penetration I could not handle him moving! horrendus and its just hurts like hell every time we try.

Hubby claims we need to keep trying as it will stretch and heal, stretch and heal etc until we can be back to normal... ( we know what most men think with! so I am not convinced)

Basically, how quickly should I expect it to heal..? I end up in tears each time we try and I am sure he thinks I am just being drammatic.

I had two hours of stitching both internally and externally and keep avoiding any kind of intimacy with my hubby in case he gets horny..

This IS putting the only strain on our marriage as our baby girl is amazingly good and even sleeping through now!

Can anyone advise as this is getting me so upset..

Thanks

 

[cassi]

Hun, he is wrong. The more you try and have sex whilst it isnt fully healed the more damage you could cause and the slower it will heal. Tell him to wait or if he is so desperate give him a pack of tissues and a quilt for the sofa

I have no idea how long they take to completely heal as I didnt have an episiotomy, sorry, but I know it will take time, so please dont feel bad for not having sex with you're OH...he really shouldnt be pushing like that. If it hurts then it hurts tell him that you are not ready and you dont think it is fair on you to have to go through pain to please him.

 

[Melanie]

I had an episiotomy too hun and my daughter is almost 4 months old and i still get twinges of pain from sex now

I'm sorry you are feeling pushed, i imagine that isnt helping the situation any at all!

You know dreading sex can make it hurt more when it happens because you are tense waiting for the pain. My doctor gave me some advice, its a bit TMI but it might help. She said to try on my own with a vibrator, that way you are in total control at all times. After a few successful attempts that way i have to admit its a lot easier than it was start with.

Bottom line is hun if you aren't ready send hubby into the bathroom with a dirty mag, it wont kill him to go without!

 

[Sammystar]

If it took them two hours to stitch you up then you were obviously ripped pretty badly. I had an episiotomy with number one and I tore very badly. I thought it was bad enough that it took an hour to put me back together!

Take it easy. It took me three months before I could even contemplate sex again. Your hubby is being selfish to push you!

Good luck!

 

[Bevsy]

Thanks for the replies, I will give it a go with the vibrator perhaps..
No-one ever tells you about your sex life being put on hold do they!

My hubby did suggest the vibrator and is not that desperate if it is going to cause me pain..

Besides, I am sure that if i squeeze his privates then ask him to imagine them being torn etc he may realise..

He's not that bad at all, I think i have made him sound bad when he's not.

Thanks anyway, ladies.. it was a bit too intimate a conversation for a mummy and baby coffee morning!

 

[Miracle babe]

I'm in the same boat hun but now at five months things are starting to get back to normal. I suggest a bottle of wine and a large tube of KY and make sure your hubby gives you lot s of prep time

 

[Jaidy]

I had an episiotomy but from reading this thread, it seems I must have healed well as I had my son 6 weeks ago and was having sex as normal after 4 weeks No pain, feels exactly the same as before I was pregnant!!!

Perhaps im a lucky one!

If your concerned about the healing hun id ask your GP for advice, but im sure if you tore that badly its going to take quite a while to get back to normal!!

Tell Hubs to have a little patience

 

[Juzza]

I waited until my consultant said it was safe! After having episiotomy and 3rd degree tear i was not risking anything! Think it was probably about 2/3 months after. My hubby put no pressure on bless him and he IS an addict - mainly becasue he saw the pain i was in just sitting let alone anything else. Everything will get back to normal but with cuts or tears it is different because you're artificially 'shrunk' - i thinnk i'm tighter now than i was b4

 

[Bevsy]

Well, after my nightmare episiotomy and painful sex things seem to be better. It is five months on and we can have sex again! Yippee!

It can be uncomfortable to start with but was all helped along by our practice nurse- she gave me some 'Instilagel' which is basically a lubricant with local anesthetic. Worked like a treat.

I did go for physiotherapy also, which basically meant being advised to do perineal massage.

Thanks for all the posts and I hope this helps anyone else in the same pickle.