Scared for the baby...

[Heatherw25]

Hi ladies,
I really need some advise right now, hoping u all can help. I am 7 weeks along now and me and my fiance` have really been fighting and arguing bad the past couple days we almost even broke up . I'm worried about all of the stress that I'm going through will hurt the baby or even cause a miscarriage . Can any of u girla give me some advise?? I have my 8 weeks scan next week on Friday but that seems soo long away right now to make sure everything is ok. We had a 5 weeks scan done and we saw the heartbeat already so thats giving me some faith to hold on to.

 

[noodle1]

Hi honey

First of all . I don't know if the baby is perceptive to your moods so early on but as long as you have no signs that there are problems (bleding/pain) then I'd say you are probably ok.

I know it's hard, try not to worry, it's a difficult time for you both

Nikki x

 

[Heatherw25]

Thank u for the advise. I just feel like crawling into my bed and not comming out for weeks. Hopefully the weekend will bring somthing a little more plesent. Hope urs is nice as well!!

 

[Riley's Mommy]

you should be ok hun.

they say stress isnt good for the baby. but me and OH have had loads of bad arguements.

just do what you can to relax abit, have a nice bath with some candles.

 

[Eve99]

Although all the books say stress isn't good, I had a friend who found out her husband was having an affair when she was about 12 weeks pregnant... things don't get much more stressful than that! She went on to have a healthy happy pregnancy and now has a beautiful baby girl

So try to take things easy but be reassured that stress alone is extremely unlikely to cause a mc. Hope things work out for you, and you and your fiancee sort things out

 

[ToriElla]

stress doesn't do anybody any good, you just gotta try and keep calm and take deep breaths even though it's hard. I doubt stress would harm your baby but it's natural to have worries like that, we all do. hope you're feeling better soon xx

 

[cloud9]

I have been told by a psycholgist, short term stress doesn't affect the baby it is continued long term high levels of stress that have an impact.

I also read something much earlier in my pregnancy that short term stress can help a baby grow up to be more adjusted as stress then is an emotion they have alsready expereinced.

 

[Heatherw25]

Thank you soo much ladies!! I think this forum is one of the only things that helps keep me sain! Things over the weekend have not gott'n any better. Just worse. And i told him today that it is not going to work out... But on a brighter note...I have the 8 week scan on Friday!! Cant wait to see my baby!!

 

[madam bully]

Try and keep that positive attitude you have, you need to concentrate on what is best for you and your little bean now and its not just the stress for the baby, you have to think about what effects the stress will have on you and your health and you have to keep your chin up and do the best you can whatever the circumstances.

Hope the scan goes well and look after yourself honey.

 

[Heatherw25]

Thank you! Its means a lot to me to have the support from u girls. My fiance` has a very bad drinking prblm and he has NO JOB!! I have tried soo many times to help him get help and I encourage..(or nag) him to get a job and he wont. Its soo sad and frusterating for me to wke up every morning and go to work and know he is on the couch drinking his life away. A person can only try to help someone better themselves to a certain extent...if he doesnt want help than there is nothing more I can do for him. And your right...I have to do what is best for my baby now...and having him in my life may not be the best thing. All I can do is pray...

 

[Heatherw25]

I think Im going to call the Dr. when they get back from l;unch and have them reffer me to a couples counsler. What r ur opinions on that?

 

[trixipaws]

i worried too about that, when i was 5 or 6 weeks we told our families and my mum had a massive go at me and said i shouldnt keep it and said some other stuff and it really upset me and i didnt speak to her for 4 days (normally we very close). also the pregnancy was unplanned and we were really struggling financially, with no hot water coz the boiler had died and we couldnt afford the £2k for a new one. i felt overwhelmed and didnt kno how we'd cope, and falling out with my mum really upset me and stressed me out.
luckily all's well now, my mum's excited and bought so much baby stuff and she's even coming to hold my hand when i pop (in case OH faints! )
i dont think stress will bring on m/c or anything, but i really hope u can work things out and i do think its a good idea to try couselling. if that doesnt work, just do what feels right 4 ur baby. x

 

Heather,

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this. Do you think that your partner is an alcoholic? If he is drinking every day, then it sounds like he has a problem. I will tell you wheat 2 counsellors told me (my partner has a drug problem).

They said that no matter what I did, the problem was my partner's and that only he could address it. They also said that unless he was willing to do something about it for himself, no amount of nagging, encouragement, cajoling, or whatever from me, would change anything.

They basically advised me to therefore think of myself. They pointed out that my relationship was making me so stressed and that I could do nothing about my partner's addiction, so what was the alternative?

They also said that often, a person with addiction issues has to hit "rock bottom" (i.e. lose everything) and realise that they've got there and be willing to do something after that to help themselves before things can get any better. Sometimes, people with addictions never help themselves.

Whilst you are holding everything together and going out to work every day, your partner is able to continue spending his days on the couch drinking. You can't change him, but you can change how YOU act. You have to decide whether you are willing to prop him up (by working every day) and allow him to continue as he is in your home. No-one can tell you what to do - you have to make your own decisions. Given that he is unlikely to change of his own accord then, are you willing to keep working and supporting his drinking habit?

The counsellors also asked me to imagine my life - if my partner didn't change (as he probably won't) one year on, then ten years on. They asked, "Is that what you want your future to look like?"

I am in the same position as you, Heather. I split with my partner for a couple of months before Christmas there (the counsellors advised that I didn't go back with him until he had given up for at least a year). He promised me he had changed and that things would be so different if we got back together. That's what I wanted to hear, so I let him move back in. Weeks later, he was getting stoned all the time again, yet lying he wasn't. Now, he is back up to "full strength" and smoking it all the time again. His moods are awful and when he drinks at weekends, he's even worse. I feel that I can't talk to him about anything and feel like I have no support. Now and then, he'll be so nice and help around the house and make dinner for a couple of days, then his temper is vile again.

I am so happy to be pregnant, but I think my life would be so much easier without the stress of living with him, so I know exactly how you feel. I am worried about the added stress of pregnancy hormones/a new baby further down the line.

I got advice, but didn't follow it! I'm still in the same situation, and still stressing about it! I can't tell you what to do (obviously I can't even follow my own advice!), but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone here.

Good luck whatever you decide to do - I'm still dithering myself!

xxx

 

[Heatherw25]

Thank you!! Sorry it has takin me soo long to write back to u girls. Well things have gott'n a lot worse I gave the ring back to Mike and told him he has till May 1st to get a new place of his own. I did sign us up for counsling but he refused to go. I went on my own and the counsler pretty much told me to do the same as u. I am going to continue counsling on my own for support. I just think I will be less stressed on my own. I would rather struggle and be single then struggle and be stressed out fighting with him and letting him bring me down.

 

[*saulino*]

Hi

So sorry your going through all of this right now hun You seem so strong and think the counselling will be good for you .
Keep your head up and think about you and LO.
Katrina

 

[Heatherw25]

Hi Ladies,
Just wanted to update everyone on whats been going on. Well, I told the fiance` to either find a apartment or get a job. And he says he is going to get a job because he wants to be with me and raise our baby together. But...we will c what happens and if he follows through. I did sign up for school but I have to go through an interview process first. So hopefully I wil get accepted. I already passed the test so hopefully the interview will be easy. Well thats it for now!! I will get back to u girls soon!! Luv u all and thank u all very much for ur support....it really helps!!!