really need some advice...

[Lola15]

Hi.

Firstly, I'm sorry if this post offends or upsets anyone, and if I have maybe posted it in the wrong sub-forum - if there is anywhere more appropriate I can move it to please let me know.

I found out I was pregnant on Monday - I'm currently five weeks.

I had a feeling I was last Thursday as I had missed my period and my breasts were very tender etc.

I've been with my boyfriend for on and a half years, and he was with me when I found out.

He's adamant I should have an abortion - he argues that we're too young (I'm 21, he's 19) and that we're not ready for this kind of commitment.

I'm quite certain that if I do have this baby, he won't be a support for me in terms of emotionally, and I'm not sure how he will react to the baby.

In some respects I agree - I'm currently an administrator on £15k, whilst he is a student who is going to uni in Sunderland in September (we live in Greater Manchester).

I still live at home, and I'm not sure what kind of effect it will have on my family - I haven't told them so far, and I hate keeping things from them, but I feel I need to make the decision in my head first.

His family aren't the greatest - there's history of alcoholism and depression and I'm not sure if I would want that kind of situation around my child.

Despite all the reasons perhaps not to have the baby, I think I want it - I keep changing my mind at least 3 times a day, and I'm terrified of making the wrong decision.

I've always wanted children, I'm quite maternal despite my age and I'm not really interested in going out clubbing etc - I just want to settle down and be the best parent I can be.

I have some concept of how hard it will be to raise a child as a single mother, and I'm worried I won't be able to provide the kind of life I want for the baby - I always wanted to be married and secure financially so I could give my children the best.



I'm booked in for a consultation with Marie Stopes in two weeks - I have done this to keep my options open, and also because I feel my boyfriend has been pressuring me to do so.

I just feel that he doesn't understand why this could be a difficult decision for me.

Sorry for the long post, I just need to get it all out as at the moment I have no-one to talk to.

 

[flexilexi394]

Hello, I'm 20 and so is my partner. Him and his family were the same at the beginning, abortion was the way forward for him. I was pretty sure I couldn't deal with that so I have decided to keep my baby and he has now come round to the idea. Will your partner take time or is it a case of a definite no? I have managed to talk to mine and just let him know ican do it and so can he. I know a boy who's girlfriend has the baby while he's at uni, it's not thatbad. I assume you've been in your job long enough to get maternity pay? Ifso, you may have to apply for housing and stuff as he's at uni so won't be able to provide money. It all works out and everyone manages. It's not the end of the world, it may just be a beginning to a new one. X

 

[lea554]

Hey, really sorry to hear about your situation...

Its not something I have any experience of unfortunatly, however, you seem to be thinking it all through rationally, but its just such a shame that your boyfriend doesnt agree - I would imagine that if he was a bit more understanding and supportive, then this decision would be a lot easier..
You are young, but there are girls on here that are a lot younger, and im sure a lot of ladies on here are looking towards the future being a single mum, But you siad yourslelf, that you are maternal, and that you think you want to keep it - I think you have probably made your mind up, but you just dont realise it yet.
If you have good family and friends, then you will get through this...maybe speak to one member of your family to try and find out what the reaction will be. But, they are your family at the end of the day, and I would imagine they would support you in any decision you make.

On a more personal note, you are going to start getting more symptoms, feel your stomach changing, and since I felt that, all I have wanted to do is protect whats growing inside me - if you are naturally maternal, these instincts will start to kick in really soon, and then you may re-think the whole abortion thing..

Hope it all works out for you.
I would imagine there are people on here that can probably give you a lot more advice, but you have come to the right place
xxx

 

[Lola15]

Hi

thanks so much for your post - to be honest I think he's a definite no.

I asked what he would do if I kept it and he said he would "live with the mistake".... I don't really want him to be involved with the child if he's going to project that kind of feeling onto him/her!

Realistically I could still live with my parents for a while, but I would at some point have to move out... I'm at a loss at the moment.

My doctor had said to me you always regret the things you don't do, and that's what I'm worried about.

I'm just worried I won't be able to provide a happy stable life for my child, and I don't want to let him/her down.

 

[Lola15]

Hey, really sorry to hear about your situation...

Its not something I have any experience of unfortunatly, however, you seem to be thinking it all through rationally, but its just such a shame that your boyfriend doesnt agree - I would imagine that if he was a bit more understanding and supportive, then this decision would be a lot easier..
You are young, but there are girls on here that are a lot younger, and im sure a lot of ladies on here are looking towards the future being a single mum, But you siad yourslelf, that you are maternal, and that you think you want to keep it - I think you have probably made your mind up, but you just dont realise it yet.
If you have good family and friends, then you will get through this...maybe speak to one member of your family to try and find out what the reaction will be. But, they are your family at the end of the day, and I would imagine they would support you in any decision you make.

On a more personal note, you are going to start getting more symptoms, feel your stomach changing, and since I felt that, all I have wanted to do is protect whats growing inside me - if you are naturally maternal, these instincts will start to kick in really soon, and then you may re-think the whole abortion thing..

Hope it all works out for you.
I would imagine there are people on here that can probably give you a lot more advice, but you have come to the right place
xxx

hi, thanks so much - I'm already feeling very protective towards the baby, a lot of my friends have young children or are pregnant, so I'm hoping they will be able to help.

I just want to make sure I can provide the very best for the child, and as part of that I want a father figure there, but at the moment that seems unlikely...

 

[Mamafy]

I'm sorry for the position you're in but could you please read our Forum rules. As per Pregnancy Forum rules we ask our members not to discuss Abortion.

 

[Lacey's Mummy]

I was your age when I had my daughter and my OH was only 19!! He felt the same as your OH, he didn't want her but he soon came around and now we're expecting our second which was his idea!! Don't jump into a decision until your 100% certain and don't do anything just to please him!! If I'd listened to my OH 5 years ago I wouldn't have my beautiful daughter now!! Even though your OH is at uni it can still work financially and your still get lots of support from your friends and family! If you decide to raise your child on your own, it's hard work but plenty of woman do it. My OH works away during the week so he's only around for 2 days so sometimes I feel like a single mum but it makes me feel so proud that I've brought my daughter up on my own and there's so much support from the girls on here!! Hope you and your OH make the right choice! Only you know what is right x x

 

[Lola15]

Hi LaceysMummy

Thanks so much for your post - I hope my boyfriend will see it that way eventually but if not, then I will cope on my own!

It's so good to know that other people have had the same situation, thanks (if that's your daughter in your pic she is adorable by the way!) x

 

[flexilexi394]

You'll manage. X