Post your all time favourite joke!

[glitzyglamgirl]

No matter how old or silly

My all time favourite is;

What goes "oooooo oooooooo oooooooooooo"


























A cow with no lips

 

[Misslarue]

whats brown and sticky?















...........A stick!

an oldy but goody!

 

[KELLYXX]

What's the funniest thing in your kitchen?


*

*

*

*

*

*

*

A washing machine that takes the P*** out of your knickers

 

[Lou]

Whats yellow and smells of bananas?

Monkey's sick.

My uncle Peter has told that joke every year at the family christmas dinner table for as far back as I can remember. He pretends he is reading it from a cracker. Its become a family tradition for him to tell that joke. Same as my grandad setting himself on fire with the christmas pudding and my nan leaving the sprouts in the hostess trolly then remembering them when we are eating our afters

 

[Urchin]

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.

He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack.

So he says, 'Ms Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long holiday.'

Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says, '$30,000.'

The teller asks his name and the frog says his name is Kermit Jagger and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need some collateral to secure the loan. She asks if he has anything that he can use as collateral.

The frog says, `Sure, I have this,' and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about 2 cm tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult the manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, `There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral.'

She holds up the tiny pink elephant and says, 'I mean, what the heck is this?'

So the manager looks back at her and says, `It's a knick-knack Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone.'

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

These are ace, keep em coming!

 

[SarahH]

Fred was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her dressing gown and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Fred has been missing since Friday.

 

[Tadpole]

MODERN DAY LOVE STORY

Mike was going to be married to Karen, so his father sat him down for a little chat.
He said, "Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite I took off my pants, handed them to your mother,and said, "Here - try these on."

She did and said, 'These are too big, I can't wear them."

I replied, "Exactly, I wear the pants in this family and I always will."

"Ever since that night we never had any problems."

"Hmmm," said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try. On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, "Here - try these on."

She tried them on and said, "These are too large. They don't fit me."

Mike said, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will. I don't want you to ever forget that."

Then Ka ren took off her pants and handed them to Mike . She said, "Here-you try on mine."

He did and said, "I can't get into your pants."

Karen said, "Exactly. And if you don't change your smart ass attitude, you never will."

And they lived happily ever.

 

[nickilubs]

What do you call a man who wears paper underpants......





Russel

 

[leckershell]

Knock knock
Who's There













Doctor






I'm sorry... my brother said it when he was about 5 and even though it's not at all funny, it has always made me pmsl ever since.