please don't think i'm selfish

[Riot_Grrrl]

hiya everyone my name is catherine and i'm 18 weeks today , we already have 2 boys connor nearly 10 and tyler nearly 3, and i really really really want another boy, infact i am desperate .
friends and family know how i feel but i play it down to them..i don't want them to think i am selfish or silly, but i really don't know what i would do if i am told i'm team pink. at the moment it's occupying my mind ALL THE TIME, i dream i have a girl and that i abandon her . which of course would never happen.have anyone ever heard of anyone feeling like this before?? do you think i should find out which team or not?? my scan is on may 8th
thanx a lot

 

[fuffins1981]

I think that maybe you have made a phobia out of something that would be fine. Maybe you just need to look at what it is about having a girl that frightens you so much.

A lady on here recently has two boys and wants a girl this time. And had similar fears to yours. Most suggested she finds out at the scan. I can see arguments for both sides.

Maybe you should talk to someone about your fears. Maybe you could then rationalise them. Then decide when is best to find it.

Good luck

 

[Mildly]

Hi there Congratulations on your pregnancy

I think it is probably a reflection of the way you've bought up your older sons. You've obviously done such a great job and they are growing into wonderful little people that you would like another just like them Perhaps you are worried that having a girl would be a totally different kettle of fish or maybe that you wouldn't be able to relate to a daughter. It isn't selfish to feel this way but it is important to think through and rationalise your feelings. Chances are when you've worked this out you won't mind what gender you have

I used to really be scared of having a girl because I was a bit of a tomboy when younger and I was worried I would be unable to relate to a real girly girl. Also I hate pink!! When I worked this out I realised that first of all, I don't have to dress any daughter of mine in pink if I don't want to and also that there is just as much chance of having a boy that is into girly stuff (playing with dolls, makeup). In the end I realised that the thing that matters most to me is that my child is happy, whatever gender it is. I don't intend in raising my child differently if it is a boy or a girl so chances are it'll end up the same regardless of what gender.

Sorry just realised I'm rambling Good luck with your decision about finding out at the scan

 

[clairedoran]

Congrats on your pregnancy! My mum had 4 girls and then a boy and never really craved a boy the way some people would have expected her to after 4 girls. In fact she was convinced my brother was a girl and was shocked when she had a boy. I think I will second what Mildly and the others have said. A gender scan will help you adapt and get you excited about the possibility of a lil princess. Good luck hun xxx

 

[dannii87]

I studied Psychology at 6th form and we learned about how parents relate to their children... JUST from those lessons (as this is my first and really didn't mind) I'm assuming you are very very close to your boys?

Sometimes, people are so scared of change without even realising it that it taints things, maybe you fear your happy family unit changing because your new addition might be pink?

Did you feel like this with your second son? First things first, you've realised it. If you are 18 weeks pregnant I assume you have a scan in a couple of weeks? I would personally opt for finding out because if it is a girl, you have 20 weeks to get your head around it.

Chances are, if it's a girl, you'll be so excited for her arrival that you'll be bursting by the end!

There are so many pros for having a girl, try to weigh them up. Shopping, dressing her up, talking girlie things with her, doing her hair, getting one of those irreplacable mother-daughter relationships... There's lots

Another thing; there is a saying, "A daughter is a daughter for life, a son is a son til he meets a wife" xx

 

[Steelgoddess]

I think that maybe you have made a phobia out of something that would be fine. Maybe you just need to look at what it is about having a girl that frightens you so much.

A lady on here recently has two boys and wants a girl this time. And had similar fears to yours. Most suggested she finds out at the scan. I can see arguments for both sides.

Maybe you should talk to someone about your fears. Maybe you could then rationalise them. Then decide when is best to find it.

Good luck

I completly agree, IO know for me I have a few fears but for both sexes, if its a girl i dont want her to grow up feeling insecure about herself or her looks i want her to love herself, and if its a boy I wouldnt want them getting into trouble etc Do you think maybe the nerves stem from already having boys so with girls you dont know what to expect. Ie im dead nerous about my first born but I know in time to come ill get the hang of stuff when i come round the second i'll know what to expect a wee bit more.

Either way best of luck
x

 

[Redshoes]

Congratulations on your pregnancy Riot_Grrrl
I think talking to your partner or a close friend about this may help, you shouldn't feel bad, we all have preferences in life, try to be kind to your feelings until you know boy or girl I personally would like to know the sex if I had such strong feelings, but that's because I'd like time to deal with those feelings before baby arrived, though some Mummy's deal fine on birth day.

You are not alone in feeling for a certain sex, but look at how good a Mummy you already are and try to see that you will continue to be that with this baby Very best wishes, remember to talk to your MW or GP if you feel low and that you might need extra support, that's what they're there for