Parent Problems - Sorry this is a bit long..

[DaisieBee]

I know this may seem petty and silly in the grand scheme of things but am a bit torn between parents and in laws and wondered what you thought...

Me and DH have gone on holiday every year with my parents since we met 10 yrs ago. We are very close and they even came on our honeymoon!!!
DH parents have never wanted to go away with us and thats fine. We are not as close to them, which is a shame but has come from them, not us. MIL drink ALOT. Also we have had a few probs, like we got in trouble financially once and so they lent us some money and we were so so grateful but they asked for it back two days later. Lots of examples of this, mil gave me curtains when moved in together and then asked for them back six months later etc... In laws were also invited to honeymoon but didnt want to come. Anyway, since I got preggers they have hardly contacted us, fil has not even acknowledged pregnancy or said congrats or anything, but i dont say much as know it upsets DH and dont wanna make him feel worse.
Anyway, my parents have asked us to go away next Sept with them with baby, we always have holiday with them so agreed.
FIL emails this morning to say he has surprise booked trip for us and them at same time to go away. I think since they have shown so little interest we should tell them we already have plans and dont think we should let my parents down - they are so excited about holiday with new granchild. Also they are the people who have been there for us since finding out pregnant and thru everything else. DH says we should be pleased that in laws want to try now we having baby and explain to my parents that we have had lots of hols with them so wont next year. Am really upset about it all. No way we could all go together as our parents would not get along due to MIL crazy drinking (she can get a bit abusive too so not keen myself). Also cant reschedule holiday with my parents as am taking rest of annual leave with maternity leave and also cant afford to go away more than once. (despite fil booking as surprise we still have to pay half).

Dont wanna argue with DH over this, and baby not even born yet and already feel torn. What would you do?

 

[Chopsie]

I would put my foot down. I actually think they've got a nerve to say 'we've booked this thing you've got to pay for without even consulting you' - I would never dream of doing that! Even if I was going to pay for it all, I'd still check first rather than just assume you'll have no prior plans - it strikes me as quite a controlling and manipulative thing to do rather than a nice gesture. And do you really want to take your baby on holiday with a woman who drinks too much and gets aggressive? I know it's your OH's parents, but it hardly makes up for the lack of interest they've shown so far.

It must be hard for him, and he probably just wants to do the right thing by everybody, but in this situation that will be impossible, and ultimately, you and your baby are the most important people in this equation.

Good luck hun, what a horrible situation to be in

 

[shaunie_louise]

Aww hun thats a tricky one!

I didn't want to read and run!

I really feel for you and don't know what I would do in that situation!

xx

 

[allycat]

Hmmm that's a tough one! It seems odd that your in laws want to make the effort now and go on holiday with you both, where they've not really bothered before. You might just have to be firm with your bloke and say that your parents did actually invite you first. At the end of the day it's meant to be a holiday and time spent with family so I guess you're gonna have to decide who that time would be best spent with. Away from home people are more relaxed and you may be able to sort some stuff out with the in laws if ou do go with them. Whatever decision you make someone is gonna get hurt

Good luck with whatever you decide to do xxx

 

[*sara*]

I would put my foot down. I actually think they've got a nerve to say 'we've booked this thing you've got to pay for without even consulting you' - I would never dream of doing that! Even if I was going to pay for it all, I'd still check first rather than just assume you'll have no prior plans - it strikes me as quite a controlling and manipulative thing to do rather than a nice gesture. And do you really want to take your baby on holiday with a woman who drinks too much and gets aggressive? I know it's your OH's parents, but it hardly makes up for the lack of interest they've shown so far.

It must be hard for him, and he probably just wants to do the right thing by everybody, but in this situation that will be impossible, and ultimately, you and your baby are the most important people in this equation.

Good luck hun, what a horrible situation to be in

I totally agree with all of the above, Good luck

 

[JayK2387]

If that was me in your situation... being honest... I would definitely go with my parents and say to OH, it was booked first.

xx

 

[meandthebump]

I would go with the one planned first - in this case with your parents. I realise that it might be hard for your DH but you already have plans and that seems like a fair reason to say thanks but no thanks to the in-laws. Good luck in getting this sorted out.

 

[krissie23]

I would go with the one planned first - in this case with your parents. I realise that it might be hard for your DH but you already have plans and that seems like a fair reason to say thanks but no thanks to the in-laws. Good luck in getting this sorted out.

I agree - I would definetly go with your parents! It is a bit rude of them to just book it up without even asking you first, even if they did do it as a nice suprise. I would tell them that you can't cancel the holiday with your family as it's all been booked and ties in with your plans and your maternity leave, etc., and it's not going to be convinient to go with them! Tell them you're really sorry but really, they should have checked with your first to make sure you could go on the dates they have booked it for!

 

[Mama 2 Be]

Ummmm , you have been away with your parents alot so I can certainly see OH's point of view but it's a bit off that the in-laws expect you to be available when it suits them.

How about you ditch both sets of parents and just the three of you go away as a family together? You don't need to have a set of parents with you as you'll probably see them loads when the baby is born.

Just an idea.

 

[swan1]

Oh my god do we have the same inlaws?????????????????

Do what you feel comfortable with, crazy drinking is not a good situation for a baby to be around.

 

[Urchin]

I would put my foot down. I actually think they've got a nerve to say 'we've booked this thing you've got to pay for without even consulting you' -

Totally agree!

 

[Jaidy]

What is it with blimmin in-laws!!!!!

If it was me, id definately put my foot down and go with the one that was already booked, especially the way your in laws have been acting.

I hope it all gets sorted Debbie