ok when will it all kick off? *ETA new post*

[trixipaws]

ok well i'm tryin to accept that i'm miscarrying. i am clutching at straws (thinking oh well iv still no pains, maybe they got my results mixed up, maybe it was twins and i lost one but still got one, etc) but i presume this is a kneejerk reaction of any woman who m/c and dont wanna accept it so i keep (figuratively) slapping myself and telling myself "look, u hav lost the baby, deal with it!"
but my hcg was 961 at approx (LMP) 5 weeks, and got my 5wks 2dys results back today, they were 6 hundred and something. i didnt remember what the "something" was because as soon as she said "well, unfortunately, it hasnt doubled, its actually dropped" i stopped hearing as clearly

anyway iv been less upset than i thought i was, but i suspect that it might take awhile to sink in- i was most devastated about it on wednesday after my first bloods were taken but now i havent shed a tear and iv been grocery shopping, i even coped easily when my boyf's friend said "i believe congratulations are in order" i shrugged "not any more! it wasnt meant to be." and didnt find it hard, i even smiled like i wasnt bothered. i know i'm upset deep down coz iv been so emotional all week about it- is it normal to act like nothing's happened at first? when will it hit me?

thats the emotional bit- also what about the physical bit? when will that start this cant be it surely? iv never had heavy periods theyve always been light, but this bleeding is LIGHTER than my normal periods, and it is LESS PAINFUL than a period too- almost painless??? i know its early but surely it should be AT LEAST as bad as a period? who else has m/c at 5 weeks, can u tell me what it was like? i'm worried this means all the stuff that needs to come out is stuck inside me and might make me very sick

 

[A&J]

First off

I had a m/c when I was about 5 weeks over a year ago now and I felt the same as you emotionaly (sp?) and to be trueful I can not remember when it actually 'hit' me if that makes sense? but even today when I hear certain songs it brings it all flooding back and there are 2 songs that I actually well up too when I hear them We never actually told anyone that I was pg so I can not comment about having to tell people that I m/c. When the physical part happened for me it was just a very heavy period for a few days longer then normal. I am sure that nothing will get stuck and make you sick and I thought about that at the time as well. Every m/c is different though one of my friends found out she m/c but did not start bleeding for a week afterwards.

Sorry if I have not been much help but did not want to read and run.

 

[trixipaws]

its coming on now (the sadness)

i'v taken the edge off with valium i think (needed that for my nerves when someone smashed our front door in earlier) so feel a bit drowsy but i do feel very, very forlorn about our loss

i am trying to think of all the consolations:

i will get to keep my figure and even trim up more
i will be able to fly in july (my due date!) and go raving in ibiza as planned
i can have sudafed for my congested nose, codeine for my headache, valium for my nerves and cherry coke again now

thought there were more than that, alas! much as i LOVE pacha and manumission i still want the baby back i would give it up! and my size 6 figure would even give that up!

feel like its my fault as i know theres a high caffiene/miscarriage link and last saturday i had one of those "rock star" energy drinks (looks like a can of lager LOL and got taurine, ginseng, guarana and HIGH caffiene content i think 32mg per 100ml- and the cans are 500ml ) this was ON TOP of the usual 4 cups of tea and 4 cans of pepsi i'd usually drink. maybe i caused the m/c. and when we had the crisis when i thought my boyf was gonna press me into an abortion i wished a m/c upon myself so i wouldnt have to make the decision. i bloody deserve it dont i

 

[buddabun]

First off I'm really sorry to hear this news. I was rooting for you to have hCG through the roof

I had my first m/c at 4w3d (we think). I felt just the same as you. I think being in and out of hospital helped but it never really sank in, I think I had a few weepy moments but, like you, I just didn't 'feel'. I had bleeding that was probably 1/2 - 3/4 the strength of a period (I have light ones as well) as it never got any heavier. I had very mild period type pains (again about 1/2 the strength of normal) and the bleeding went on for 3 days in total. I was worried that as it was so light I would have stuff left in me but it was deemed a complete miscarriage.

I think there is no 'normal' miscarriage. Mine worried me as I thought I would have to go back in for a D&C but it all went fine.

Don't beat yourself up about the way you feel. This time around I had convinced myself I had miscarried one of twins or that I was like a lady on here who bled for 16w straight and still had a normal pg. Now the bleeding has stopped (and I took a -ve hpt) I have accepted it but we are straight back to trying to make another.

Don't let your bf get away with any cheeky comments with this. You need support right now and I hope you get it hon.

BIG hugs and I'm so sorry
H
x

 

[Beth88]

Oh trixi im so sorry

for me i had a choice of how to deal with it, i was offered a d&c or medical management, and believe it or not, medical management didnt hurt as much as i thought it did....

They let me come home as well so i could be there when it all kicked off... Which was better than ahospital bed which ihad become so accustomed to.

I really hope it all goes ok for you
xxx

 

[mamichuli]

Aw hun, I have no advice, just wanted to say how sorry i am, my thoughts are with you


Lisa

 

[Mik]

So so so sorry to hear this trix and no you didn't do anything to cause it it just wasn't meant to be and however your bf reacted it wasn't his fault either. I have been there twice an it is hard but your little girl will help get you through it and everyone on here is behind you 100%

 

[Krystal]

It's not your fault hun aww trix

 

[happy-chick]

Have sent you a PM x

 

[Flame]

It actually took me a year to cry properly about it when i miscarried i kept it all bottled up cause i hadnt been with OH very long. so it varies from person to person.

Please dont blame yourself.

 

[trixipaws]

ok today has not been so good, think its sinking in now! have been a miserable little arse today, mopey and irritable. and have set off crying a few times now over the slightest little thing. things that wouldnt normally bother me AT ALL but i am hypersensitive as soon as i think to myself i am losing my baby i feel proper sorry for myself and run off and cry! i am TRYING to act normal and hide it, and when my boyf asked me a few times today "are u ok?" coz i look down and once after i'd been crying a lil bit he asked had i been crying (mustve had puffy eyes etc) but i just deny it and say oh i'm fine, why wouldnt i be, this has all worked out for the best, it was so early its not like it was a proper baby, etc etc etc etc. but i am frontin TOTALLY! i AM upset and none of those things i really mean! so, my boyf sees i want to act normal so he is acting normal, and when i spilled tea all over the computer before and nearly broke it and he had to fix it, he rightly said i'd been clumsy and to try to be more careful- nothing wrong with that, he was quite within rights to say it- and normally i'd totally have no problem with being told to be more careful and less clumsy after doing something like that. but not today! i just felt he was "getting at" me and i thought to myself "gimme a break, i am having a miscarriage!" and as soon as i thought that the tears stung my eyes! oh i really do feel very delicate indeed and extremely sorry for myself!

however i am still waiting for the physical symptoms. i am still spotting but its lighter if anything, i have no cramps- this isnt even as bad as a period, surely thats not right? i am worried thinking well does this mean the dead embryo and whatever else a 5 week pregnancy contains is stuck inside and unless i have a D&C (which gives me the heebejeebes i am so frightened of for some reason!) it will poison me? and also until i get some more concrete obvious physical signs i just cant quash those clutching at straws thoughts- what if i only miscarried a twin and am still pregnant, or what if the hcg test was wrong- is there hope?! which is doing me no good at all because i know there isnt! i'm just torturing myself with these false hopes i know theyre silly but i cant stop them

not that i WANT pain or heavy bleeding its gonna suck but i'm in limbo at the moment when will it be over with


ps happy chick gonna go read your pm now thanx babes x

 

[Tasha20]

Aww hun, I am so sorry you are having to go through this.

As for the bleeding, when I started at 7 weeks, it was very light for about a week, on and off before it started properly, it actualy started a couple of days before I went for medical management.

 

[babyblonde]

I didn't bleed heavily at all hun - on the heaviest day it was only the same as a normal period day (and mine are never particularly heavy) and that was one day only, the rest of the days it was very light. The only difference was that it lasted longer than normal and that at the beginning I passed some large clots which is not normal for me at all.

I had some cramping, but not much more than I would normally get with AF.

It is taking my body a long time to get over the pregnancy type symptoms though. I continued to feel sick for about a week afterwards and my skin is still not back to normal even though we're now a fortnight or so down the line.

Could you get back in touch with the midwife again to talk through your concerns?

 

[valentine]

trixi, I am so sorry you are going through this. I'm not surprised you are going through a huge mix of emotions just now, I really really feel for you. I think your boyf should maybe be being a bit more gentle with his words as I know how wobbly you must feel, particularly when he criticises you.

Is there anyone you could go and have a chat with, your Mum and Dad maybe? It sounds like you just need a shoulder to cry on, really cry on, not pretend you're okay.

I would also recommend you go and see a health professional such as your HV or midwife re. your concerns about your blood loss and hcg levels etc.

So many to you

Valentine Xxx

 

[trixipaws]

yeah i will do i'm gonna call the hosp tomorrow and see what they say. thanx everyone x

 

[tracey 2]

hey hun sorry iv just seen this i do hope your ok,

hope you hear from the hospital and please dont keep it all in hun let it out and talk to someone.

im around if you neeed me ok il leave my fone on all night as always if you want a chat or text anything ok

 

[trixipaws]

iv just been honest with my boyf, and feel much better about being honest with him. apart from last sunday, when i found out i was pregnant- i was upfront with him then- the rest of the week i havent been i'd been pretending i wasnt excited and happy about it and made out like i was still devo'd. well that was a big mistake i see now i shouldve been honest with him all along. and today i realised that i'm doing it again! i dont mean to, its like sub-conscious... anyway i came clean, told him that i AM upset really and have just been pretending i'm not.

i got lotsa big hugs and cuddles

then i asked him how HE *honestly* felt about the m/c, because iv been selfish so far and not even thought that perhaps he is upset too- after all its his baby too that im losing- even tho he was against keeping the baby only on thursday- it only took him a day to come round he was all for it by friday- so same as me but 4 days behind- i didnt wanna be pregnant last sunday, but only took me one day to come round too- and since monday have been wanting this baby so much

anyway, he says that he is not sad about the baby but sad because i am sad about it iykwim. he said tbh its neither here nor there to him, he isnt thinking "yay! got out of that one" nor is he mourning the concept of our new little addition to our family being cancelled. it sounds cold when typed in black and white but i appreciate his honesty i dont want him to lie to me and pretend he's "grieving" if he isnt, that would be patronising to me. and it doesnt upset me that he isnt "grieving", as for one its good to know that my soulmate is not sad too (as that would make me even more sad!) and for another then all that matters is that he cares for me and how i feel anyway, and that "he is sad coz i am sad" is enough. i am glad he's been honest and im glad iv been honest with him

goodnite y'all

 

[babyblonde]

I had exactly the same thing with my husband when we miscarried. He went back to work the following day and just really didn't seem to care about the whole thing. I ended up having a complete breakdown and he ended up blurting out that of course he was upset he just wasn't very good at showing it and thought it would be better if he didn't appear upset infront of me.

We've been much better off since we had that talk - even though we are dealing with the situation differently. Definitely think you did the right thing talking to him about it hun

 

[buddabun]

it's always best to be honest cos then at least you both know where you stand. I'm glad you had a chat with him.

With regards to bleeding. I don't think there is a set "you should be doing this" to miscarriages. My first I bled for 3 days. It stopped as suddenly as it started (I had some brown stained discharge the night before but that was it) and never even got up to 'period strength' if you get me. I had very mild period pain but only when I thought about it long enough.

This time I have had what I would class as a normal period, except I had the most awful cramping and it only lasted 2 days.

So everyone is different and, if i'm anything to go by, every m/c is different.

Don't stress yourself out worrying over what *should* be happening, just make sure you're not risking your healt and talk to a midwife or get regular checkups.

BIG HUG for you hon, it's an absolutely miserable time but I have managed to see some light at the end of the tunnel and so will you.
xxxxxx

 

[Charlotte_faeriemad]

Trixie, wanted to give you a , and say when I lost it seemed to hit me harder than my bf and it upset me how quickly he picked himself back up again and just 'got on'. I heard him on the phone to a friend of his who had obviously asked my bf how we were getting on after loosing the baby. My bf was so laid back and just said 'oh we are fine life moves on'.

I was so annoyed with him, accused him of being heartless and cold. I think it was about 6 months after loosing. I was still struggling.

When I look back now I see it totally differently.

It's an awful time, it has nothing to do with anything you did, give yourself time to heal. I'm very glad you've talked it thru with your bf, very important and huge part of the healing process