Not enjoying pregnancy after miscarriage

[DanniandBump]

Hi all.

Think I just need to let this one out -

In January, I miscarried at 10 weeks and was absolutely distraught. For each month afterwards, I got myself stupidly excited & took a test - only to come on my period a few days later .

UNTIL -
July - when the test came back positive!
I thought I would be delighted but for the first few weeks I was SO scared.
I then started bleeding at 7 weeks and gave up all hope - I was convinced I had lost the baby. Docs thought I was going through ectopic pregnancy so managed to get a scan booked in where they told me everything was fine! I still distanced myself from the baby until 12 weeks, as I was convinced something bad was going to happen, but 12 weeks came and went and everything was still fine.

I love, want and care about this baby more than anything in the world - but I am not enjoying the pregnancy one little bit.

I'm still convinced now, at nearly 19 weeks that something is going to go wrong.

There is also guilt for moving on

Has anyone else been through similar and felt the same?

Would be happy to recieve any advice/similar stories


xxx

 

[Piglet10]

exact same,,, and i dont think i ever truly believed madison would get here even at the end... but she did and shes here torturing me now lol and so will ur lo... ur first lo wudnt want u to be sad... i got a charm bracelet and i got a lil diaper for the baby i have now and i got a guardian angel for my first lo... i thought it was a nice way of me recognising them both... xx

 

[karenandbump]

Totally the same hon. I mc in Jan and gor a BFP again in March and even now at 39 and a half weks I worry - it is really hard after a mc but try to remember that the odds are massively on ur side and that it wonb't be long until ur cuddling ur little one. Big hugs x x x

 

[DanniandBump]

Aww -
Thank you both so much for your messages.
I was beginning to think I was going insane! & felt really bad towards current baby for feeling low a lot
It is, so difficult after such a traumatic time to enjoy another pregnancy - I think I'll be okay once little one is here, it's just the waiting & feels like forever sometimes lol. I don't think being so tired helps either lol!

Guardian Angel sounds lovely - I'd love to get a little reminder token for my first little angel. Sometimes I think people dismiss miscarriage & it feels like you have nothing to show for the trauma you've been through if that makes sense?

Karenandbump - not long at all to go for you! Are you nervous about the birth or just excited to say hello to little one?

Xxxxx

 

[karenandbump]

Hey hon, I'm getting nervous now but excited too...I really just want bubs here safe now and hoping it's soon! x x x

 

[DanniandBump]

Aww how exciting!!!
You must be dying to have a cuddle .
Do you know what you're having, or you got a nice little surprise lined up? xx

 

[karenandbump]

No idea so will be a surprise. We knew with our little boy but wanted a surprise this time _ r u going to find out? x x x

 

[debsladybird]

Hi there Danni,

I'm in the same situation and feel just like you! I have had two miscarriages this year and am now pregnant again! Its so hard to think this pregnancy will actually go full term and every time I wipe I think I will see blood. Its doesn't feel the same as the first time round, as I was more relaxed, positive and planning for our future with our baby. Now its almost like we are in limbo and waiting for things to go wrong! I mc'ed at 7 and 10 wks so am wishing the days away till my scan at 12 wks!

I'm trying to stay positive and so should you! I believe in fate and things will work out if they ment to be! Hope that doesn't sound harsh! Sending you loads of baby dust and love!

Dxxxxx

 

[DanniandBump]

Hi Ladies.

Karenandbump - sorry long reply, totally forgot!
Do you have a preference? & I'm not totally decided on finding out but probably will cos I have no willpower lol! x

Debsladybird - Thankyou for your message. I totally relate to what you're saying about feeling positive first time, making plans, anticipating the future .. and then this time, waiting for things to go wrong.

Thankfully - I'm (finally) starting to settle at nearly 20 weeks! Hopefully this is a positive note though - as I hope it gives yourself and everybody else in this difficult position some hope. Not only that the pregnancy will last, but that it can be happy too .

Best of luck for your 12 weeker! You'll have to keep me posted on how things go xxx

 

[mumofmany]

I totally understand what you are saying i had 2 children then miscarried twins, then had another miscarraige when i got pregnant againi was convinced i was going to loose him and had bleeding early on then again at 22 weeks where i found out my waters had broke, so was told i was going to loose my little boy and there was nothing they could do to save him, i was devastated but he hung on even at30 weeks when the old me that thngs looked alot more positive and i was out of the danger zone, I still ignored all his kicks and didnlt bond with him, then whenhe was born at 33 weeks, he was in special care and nurses were looking after him he still didnlt feel like mine it took a few weeks to bond with him and i forced myself to breastfeed him so i would feel close to him i am happy to say it worked. then after having another baby worring all the way through everything was fine got to full term, then had 4 miscarraiges in a row 1 was only a few days after a positive test so that one was a bit hit and miss as the next month i got positive test a week before i was due on and then they put my date forward 2 weeks and i still had him a week early so convinced that last one was just bleeding early on or maybe loosing a twin and i got my baby (no proof of that) but that prenancy was more about if my body could do it not about the actual baby, I felt so guilty afterwards. so I have been determined this pregnancy to enjoy every day not only will it be my last but i have to make up for all thoe pregnancies i ruined with worry when i should have been enjoying being pregnant and nothing went wrong.
sorry it was long just wanted to explain how i felt.

 

[DanniandBump]

Mumofmany - thanks for your reply. Your story is devastating - I can't begin to imagine how you must have felt!

I totally relate to the part where you didn't try to bond with the baby... For the beginning weeks of my pregnancy I just tried to act as though I wasn't pregnant & distance myself - so if something was to happen, it wouldn't hurt so much. Glad your little bean was okay though

Aww, you must be SO strong to be able to sit back and enjoy this pregnancy after all the trauma you've been through!

What's it like having so many little one's?
& how old are they all? bet food shopping is a nightmare! xxx

 

[mumofmany]

I love having so many kids but i must admit i have it easier than most as the ages are 14, 12(on friday) 6, 5 and 11 months, i think the hardest part is my eldest son is a very good street dancer so I have to take him to alot of competitions and i dont want the others to feel left out so now another 2 do street dance and are very good and another goes to drama, i must admit the nan and grandad take my son to drama while i take the others to dance cause i not superwoman and cant be at 2 different places at once.
food shopping is easy to do as i go when all in school except for the baby, and then they cant all throw things in the trolley lol.
I really hope you start to enjoy your pregnancy because i truly am enjoying this one, I odnt know wether its because hubby has now had the snip so i want to make the most of it, and to be fair he had to have the snip or we would have carried on having baby after baby and there is no space in our 3 bedroomed house something needed to stop us lol.

 

[JJ Mum]

Danni , I can totally relate to what your saying. I had a missed MC at 11 plus 5 in march this year and now 34 weeks pregnant with my last baby. I spent weeks knicker watching, and then got past the 12 week scan safely and then was scared of telling the kids at 14 weeks, and chickened out, good job too as my nuchal screening came back 1 in 9 chance of a chromozone problem, we then had a cvs test done and more waiting for two weeks, then finally about your stage now, we told the kids and yet still it didnt feel safe. The last few weeks I have relaxed into maybee things will be fine, but now nearing the end, 5less than 5 weeks till my section, you can;t help but wonder what could go wrong.

Good luck with your pregnancy hun, try to enjoy it, despite what happened, mines gone so fast.

I got a rose for the garden that was in flower in sept when I was due, and it has a special name too. I am going to plant it in march with some forget me nots - So do something nice to treasure for your LO

 

[Cantstop]

I haven't ever been pregnant before this time, so haven't experienced the loss of a miscarriage so not the same, but my mam who I'm very close to is really ill - apparently average expectancy for what she has is 8-9 months and it's been 5 now, and the one thing I wanted to do was give her a grandchild before she goes, and now I am pregnant but she also has an unknown but not long time left - I know that if I lost this baby there would definitely not be enough time to get pregnant and go through pregnancy again so I feel a massive pressure for this all to be ok - I don't know if you'd consider it similar or not, but I have this constant pressure and fear for everything to be ok which I think is spoiling the experience for me too. Sorry for highjacking if you think it's totally different!

 

[Merfairy]

I am going through the exact situation. I miscarried in June over a 6 week period and it was dreadful experience one I do not want to go through again. I recently found I was pregnant again and although some of me is excited I cannot help thinking something bad is going to happen again. My stress levels are through the roof and no one seems to understand why I am so highly strung and anxious at present. I am about 8 weeks now and was 7 weeks when I miscarried before. I have a scan booked in for this week as I am so frightened it mightn't have a heartbeat and wonder if I would cope with a second miscarriage as the other was so recent. I am very tearful and feel very alone with the grief; I want this more than anything at the moment, but by god I am so scared and don't know what to do with myself!!

 

[Merfairy]

Hi, I read your post and the 'knicker watching' is something I am doing constantly after I miscarried in June this year and am now about 8 weeks pregnant. It is so good to hear that there are others in similar situations as it makes you feel less alone, though nothing eases the stress and trauma of miscarriage and the worry of it re occuring. I am glad my partner found this site!!

 

[Constantstar]

I am going through the exact situation. I miscarried in June over a 6 week period and it was dreadful experience one I do not want to go through again. I recently found I was pregnant again and although some of me is excited I cannot help thinking something bad is going to happen again. My stress levels are through the roof and no one seems to understand why I am so highly strung and anxious at present. I am about 8 weeks now and was 7 weeks when I miscarried before. I have a scan booked in for this week as I am so frightened it mightn't have a heartbeat and wonder if I would cope with a second miscarriage as the other was so recent. I am very tearful and feel very alone with the grief; I want this more than anything at the moment, but by god I am so scared and don't know what to do with myself!!

same here its soo hard xx

 

[weggi]

having just got my BFP after 2 MC and a chem preg, i am in the same situation, so scared that something is going to go wrong, have a blood condition that increases my chance of MC so just feel like every thing is going to go wrong all the time, the pant watching is one of the worst parts of this worry i find myself going to the loo more often just to check.

don't know how to stop this worrying but this time i am just hoping for my sticky bean!!