need hugs! and advice!

[trixipaws]

yesterday, my team leader went home early, so me and my team were managing ourselves for the last few hours. during this time we had a meeting with this guy who is a manager (but not our manager), he was doing a talk on changes for 2007.

our meetings are normally quite light-hearted, and towards the end i made a light-hearted comment, which he took quite badly, he snapped, "well, if you want to joke about it, fine," so i thought 'jeez, he's a bit of a grump' and decided not to say anything else during his meeting as he obviously didnt appreciate it.

well, he carried on presenting for about five minutes then out of the blue, staring at me, he said "well i dont know why youre still laughing, because i dont find it funny." i was really taken aback, because i was just sitting there doing nothing and i couldnt believe i was being spoken to (or rather, shouted at) like i was a little girl in school! i said "i am not laughing," and he carried on presenting.

the meeting finished about five minutes after that and i waited for the rest of my team to leave the room while i stayed behind. i approached him and asked him if he had a problem with me. he replied "no, but i do have a problem with you laughing and giggling all the way through that, i think its very rude." i almost couldnt believe it, it was like he was from paranoia city or something. i told him, "i'm sorry if it seemed like i was 'laughing and giggling', but i certainly was not- i might have been smiling, would you rather i sit there and look bored and glum?" and waited for a proper response, but all i got was that highly frustrating shrug and short poof of air from the corner of the mouth that misogynists do when they are dismissing a female with total disregard for what she is saying. i left the room, utterly dissatisfied with his reaction, especially as he is a manager, i thought his conduct was atrocious. and my hormones are making me feel more readily upset at the moment, i felt like crying, i dont know if i was more upset or angry!

all my team-mates agreed that he had been out of order and would support me if i take the issue further. i am considering making a formal complaint against him, but i am worried that it will create further stress which i really dont need right now, and i feel kind of vulnerable because i'm pregnant and everyone at work knows, i dont know why. maybe i feel like pregnant women are employed somewhat begrudgingly, because we'll be having lots of paid time off, and we can demand flexibility which would be otherwise out of the question- or something! does anyone else feel like this?
should i pursue the matter or let it go?

 

[delmesgirl]

Hi Trixi,

sorry you've had a bad day

why don't you just have an informal chat with your team leader to begin with, and see what they think. this guy who was rude to you sounds like a bit of a prat, and your team leader might have had problems with him too.

i guess it depends how strongly you feel about it as to whether you take it further, but at the moment if it's just a one-off incident, it might be better to just leave it, especially if it's not someone who you usually have to deal with.

however, i do understand that he spoke to you in an unprofessional way in front of lots of your colleagues, and if that happened to me, i'd probably be really pissed off too. if you do decide to take it further, have a char with someone from HR first, so they can advise you of the right way to go about it, but maybe sleep on it first and see how you feel tomorrow.

sorry - i've read this back and it doesn;t really sound like much help.



good luck whatevr you decide to do

 

[Sabrina]

Hi Trixie,

From what you've said it sounds like this other manager is the one with the problem. You acted in an adult way by staying behind to discuss his comments and he should respect you for that.

I agree the best thing would be to informally raise it with your manager first before doing anything else. Your manager, knowing you better, is more likely to understand how you and your team work (i.e. in a friendly, informal way and able to have the odd joke with each other).

Honestly speaking though, unless the other manager wants takes it further, I wouldn't bother. Have a word with your Manager so he/she is prepared if it comes up then let it lie.

I agree, it's a minefield being pregnant, and trying to be taken seriously in your job. This is one reason I am putting off telling my employers.

I hope you have a better day tomorrow

Sabrina
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