My SIL is a cow - be warned - RANT

[Petra]

hope everyone is doing ok. I just need to vent so no need to reply if you don't like to..

My SIL and her husband have been trying to conceive for the past two years. She is having problems with anovulation and takes lots of hormones. Shwa has been really supportive during my TTC and M/C journey ( probably more than my own sister ). I have tried my best to be there for her too.. Our relationship has changed since I announced my pregnancy. She stopped calling me or coming down to our house. The last time she was here she kind of ignored me and was very inconsiderate when I wanted to rest after all day at work. I got the same attitude from her husband. I tried to speak to my DH who loves his family too much and will never admit that they could do something wrong.. He didn't even want to listen what I had to say... It's my DH's Bday next weekend and his family will be coming down to London. I am dreading this already !

What to do? I know I shouldn't stress myself but can't help it..

Rant over

 

[charlotteheys85]

have some

sounds to me like shes jealous, and shes bound to be concidering..
but she has to accept the world of new babies doesnt stop whilst shes TTC..

i dont mean that to sound cruel, as i know its sometimes harder than it seems etc..

but the last thing you need it someone being bitter towards you, because your happy,

take it ith a pinch of salt babe. and dont let it ruin your happy time xx

 

[CoreysMummy]

How happy are you to be pregnant!? Think about it for a second? I bet you cant even put into words what you feel about one day holding your baby in your arms, the unconditional love that you will shower this being with... The fun you are going to have, the plans you have already made... and still have to make.

Now imagine, you cant have childeren. Full Stop. Your bits dont work.

This is how shes feeling. Shes jelous that you are pregnant, shes sad because she has not been able to have a child yet, and is inconsolably worried that she will never, ever be able to carry her own child. I cant imagine how hard it must be for her, I fell pregnant by accident, but I always knew I wanted childeren one day... to find out that I coudnt have another one as and when I wanted would crush me, and I already have one baby!!

Im not making excuses for her ATALL, she needs to pull herself together, and atleast pretend to be normal around you, she may not be able to be happy for you, but I should have thought she could have been slightly more adult about it. I would put money on the fact - If she got pregnant next month, she would be your best friend in the whole world. She just cant handle the fact that you get to have something special and precious, and she cant... its sad really!!

 

[mum2be?]

i can understand what she is going through , myslef ttc for 20 months plus m/c last year, the last thing i wanted to be around pregnant people. she will understand in time that its not ypur fault and she must just get along with it as i did but the way i did was to shut myself out away from pregnant people the only way i knew how.

 

[chellieboo]

i too understand where she is coming from. it took me ages to get my head round my friends pregnancy and I did try to avoid seeing her for a while as I didn't want to feel bitter and jealous and thats how seeing her made me feel, especially as her bump became obvious and all she wanted to talk about was pregnancies, babies and birth (understandably).

give her time i'm sure she will adjust and will be fine, although like me she will probably still have her moments. and don't forget the hormones she is taking to help with her anovulation will probably be giving her quite crazy mood swings etc as well.

This is probably going to be quite hard for both of you, but if you both try to understand the others point of view then there is no reason why you can't be friends as you once were.

xxxx

 

[Petra]

thanks for your replies girlies. I understand how she might feel as I have been TTC for a while myself, later found out I have PCOS, took lots of hormones and then miscarried.. so don't get me wrong that I don't have a sympathy with her. My best friend fell pregnant same time with me last year and I miscarried and she carried full terms and gave birth to a beautiful baby. She used to sit next to me at work and was reporting directly in to me. I found it hard at times but was also happy for her and tried to be there for her. It is possible to " eat " your jealousy and be happy for someone who is close to you and has been on the TTC journey for some time. I am not asking my SIL to go baby clothes shopping with me or talk about my pregnancy but think she could be little bit easier on me.. am I really asking too much?

 

[Bexie]

I understand where your SIL is coming from. When me and my ex husband were together and trying to conceive it broke my heart everytime a friend announced she was expecting, even more so after I had a miscarriage, I felt so jealous, but also really angry with myself for feeling jealous as at the same time I was really happy for them. I always thought it'll be my turn next, I'll get pregnant, but it never was. Eventually we split and my ex got his new girlfriend pregnant straight away!!

Anyway I then met my current partner and when we started TTC it took 3 years before I got pregnant and again anytime a friend was pregnant I got the same old feelings again and I hated it. I can't remember a time where I did'nt want children so people all around me getting pregnant broke, it also upset me seeing people get pregnant so easily and not really being that bothered as it is the most special thing in the world (I beleive) to happen to a woman.

Now I'm happy to say I have a beautiful little girl and another baby on the way and I feel so blessed and privileged to call myself a mother.

Perhaps when you have a moment you should try speaking to her and tell her you understand how she must be feeling, as I am sure she is really happy for you, but also really jealous at the same time.

Good luck and don't worry about the family coming to visit, however much your husband loves his family he also really loves you, the mother of his unborn child.

 

[rach]

hun my sister has pcos and has been ttc for 5 years without any luck at all and i know she has found it very hard at times especially with me almost always pregnant and now having 2 when she cant even get pg with 1 we have talked lots about how she feels and sometimes i might not see or hear off her for a few weeks at a time i just give her the space she needs i know she will get in touch when she is ready
try to be patient with her hun and maybe try talking to her about how shes feeling perhaps when shes had some more time to deal with things she might find it a bit easier in the meantime have lots of hugs hope you get things sorted soon sounds like youve had a pretty close relationship till now it would be sad to lose that xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Petra]

Thanks girls. I will speak to her next time I see her. If she finds it hard then she should keep her distance and not come to my house and ignore me.. It's not fair on me to make me feel guilty for being pregnant.

 

[rach]

i agree hun but def talk to her first and let her know how she has made you feel xxxxxxxxxxxx