my OH has just REALLY peed me off!!

[positivity :)]

so, today we had Jamie's mum and dad over for dinner. his mum is a carer of elderly and vunerable adults and was telling us about some of the things she has to put up with in her role, the things she has to do and the way she is treated by the families of the people she cares for. she gets practically minimum wage and no sick pay - the work isn't guaranteed, if there is no work...then no pay!

i'm planning on going back to work in early 2013 part time so my OH decides to say to his mum in front of his dad as well 'if you quit smoking by 2013 we will pay u to look after the baby when sarah goes back to work - and we will match ur current pay

ER.......WHAT!!!!!! we have NEVER EVER discussed this before!! so his dad says 'thats a great incentive for you to stop smoking' and then.....my OH rings his sister (who is desperate for their mum to quit smoking) and starts reeling off the idea down the phone to her 'because she will nag mum to do it'!!!!!!!!!!

i can't explain how angry i am. to be fair to his mum, she says 'well u need to discuss it with sarah' and then asks me (finally i get asked! ) what i would think!! well i can't sit there and say, sorry but i dont want you looking after my child! so instead i just said 'well i suppose its an option'

i mean what is he playing at doing that without discussing with me first?!!

now i'm about to totally contradict myself here BUT i've mentioned the possibility to MY mum and she has said maybe. my mum lives literally around the corner from us and i'm sorry but i'm the girl and i think i would prefer my own mum and i think i should be allowed that choice, i know that may sound selfish but i'm the one who is going to be leaving him with someone.

and when i spoke to my mum i just said 'maybe' and my mum isn't pushy at all (unlike his) and to be honest i probably want him in a nursery anyway, socialising and doing activities etc.

he is just driving them home now and i feel so fed up about it!!!

xx

 

[furryheart]

OH's and their mothers, who would have them!!!!!!!!!!!!

I dont think i could stop if i started writing on here about my MIL!

It would be longer that War and Peace.

 

[Olive]

Ah chicky! What did you say to him afterwards? It's a long way off, which I know doesn't help, but a lot can change in a year.

How many days a week are you thinking of doing? Maybe your Mum's could split the looking after? Ikwym though. I'm close to my Mum and would feel the same.

xxx

 

[Princess81]

Oh god not surprised you are fuming lovey impressed you managed to contain yourself. You'll have to give him a talking to cos he can't just dump stuff like that on you without warning, it's not fair x

 

[Rachaellius]

Men just don't think do they! x

 

[positivity :)]

i haven't said anything to him coz they were here and now he is driving them home. i really dont know what to say coz i dont want to offend him, i'm sure his mum could do it. my mum has a full time job so would be giving that up to look after the LO 3 days a week for less money so its probably not realistic anyway, but i'm just so annoyed he has said it without discussing with me first.

the main plan has been to put him in a nursery tbh so i just dont know where this came from so now i feel like if i do still put him in a nursery its gonna cause problems coz his mum will be wondering why she isn't doing it and he started by saying 'if you give up smoking' but by the end of the conversation it had changed to 'no smoking while looking after him' - well how will we know? she will prob go outside and smoke anyway. he has seriously driven me a bit mad all day today

thanks for listening girls, i needed to get it off my chest! xx

 

[Iriki]

Men should really come with a health warning shouldn't they!!!!
Definitely think you need to have "a discussion" with him about this one. Am sure you'll sort it all out but a chat is certainly in order..

 

[Olive]

They can be thoughtless eh?

Think you'll just have to say to him hun. I know it's an awkward one.

xxx

 

[nickynoo...]

He really should've spoken to you first! can't just drop an idea like that into conversation
he clearly hasn't really thought it through anyway - ask him how he plans to sort his mums national insurance contributions etc? if she gives up work completely it'll effect her pension and all sorts and legally even if it's a member of your family, if you pay them they have to be qualified childminders.....
my brother and his wife have quite a nice arangement where my mum has their LO 2 days a week, her mum has her 2 days a week and she goes to nursery for the 5th day.

 

[positivity :)]

yeh he deffo didn't think it through so bloody annoying! xx

 

[Verity2011]

Awwwww I massively sympathise with you. And you're not contradicting yourself when you talk about your mum - that's perfectly natural and I'm the same.

The only comfort I can give you is 2013 is a long way off and hopefully everyone will have forgotten about the comment and if not you have a lot of time to remonstrate with DH!

 

[ForestLas80]

That's such a typical man thing to do and tbh I bet he thinks he's done well there with his "bright" idea?! Men are a nightmare and I would def feel peed off too. Hope u guys can talk it over but it is a long way away so plenty of time to decide xxxx

 

[positivity :)]

yeah u ladies are right, it is a long time off. why do men do these things though?! xx

 

[vickib_1984]

I'm gonna be the heel here.......when I went back to work after having Thomas my mum and mil use to have him on alternate days and I knew they had had him!!! They are quick to tell you this and that to push things on you etc I'm not saying your mum is like that but it can be difficult to find where to draw the line in the end I had to stop them having him ESP mil because she thought she could take over even when I was there when I'm his mum, I agree you hubby should of spoken to you first because you both have to agree on it, I hope I have offended you though xxx

 

[Binzy]

OMG I would be fuming too, even if she were the best MIL in the world and a nanny he still needs to ask you first before announcing it to half the family. I hope he apologized adequately!

 

[pinkyprincess]

Sorry I read and ran last night as I was on my way into bed. Have you spoken to him yet? I wouldn't want my MIL to be my LOs main carer we have different values about things!

 

[positivity :)]

I'm gonna be the heel here.......when I went back to work after having Thomas my mum and mil use to have him on alternate days and I knew they had had him!!! They are quick to tell you this and that to push things on you etc I'm not saying your mum is like that but it can be difficult to find where to draw the line in the end I had to stop them having him ESP mil because she thought she could take over even when I was there when I'm his mum, I agree you hubby should of spoken to you first because you both have to agree on it, I hope I have offended you though xxx

no you've not offended me at all! i totally agree, she will bloody take over, she is quite a strong character whereas my mum is quiet and calm. i would give it a month before we would fall out about something. this is why nursery is probably the best option, no personal relationship to manage. xx

 

[positivity :)]

well he came back in and was totally blasé about it, basically said 'ok we won't let her then' THATS NOT THE BLOODY POINT!! he doesn't see its the fact he just bought it up to pratically his whole family who will easily guess its me saying no. i'm so fed up. i just went to bed in the end and we've not spoken since xx

 

[Princess81]

Their brains are wired totally differently to ours aren't they? x

 

[Dee83]

Omg how thoughtless of him to put u in that situation!!!!! Maybe if it's not mentioned again it will get forgotten by the time of him going to nursery? Anyway, u cud just say that u've changed your mind after researching it and have decided that nursery would be the best thing for him. I wouldn't worry about it too much chick, it's ur decision at the end of the day and they will have to just accept it. xxx