My latest whinge!

[KirstyL]

Whinge time, lol!
As you know, my OH left about 7 weeks ago, saying he couldn't cope with me anymore etc...
In that time, he hasn't contacted me, has only spoken to me (via text) when I text him, which to be fair is everyday. He agreed to see me the other night, said we could watch a film at the cinema, so we did that, but it was so uncomfortable, when me leg accidentally touched his knee, he moved as far away as he could (not very far in cinema seats!), when the film finished I just got up and started to walk home, but he got me and made me get in the car - that's me being stubborn I guess.

Anyway, all he keeps saying is he doesn't want a relaionship anymore, not with me, not with anyone, but he'll help me and help with the baby. Right now, the way I look at it is, he left us, so I'll deal with the baby myself. His idea of helping is to buy it things, and come round everyday to look after it, incase I'm tired....when I tried to explain that i'll probably need him most in the middle of the night when he's screaming, he turned round and said "that's not help you'll need, it's you wanting me there at night times, thinking I'll come back"

He has said that my constant texts aren't giving him time to breath, it's like he hasn't had time to move on from the day he left, which I can understand, but I think that if I'll leave him alone, he'll think I'm not bothered and don't want him back, which of course I do Now he's saying I can't contact him for the rest of the pregnancy, but he can contact mw to find out how the baby is doing, how the scan goes etc. I'm just really pissed off, cause we planned the baby, now he's acting (to me) like he wants no part in the pregnancy, just the end result.

Dunno what you girls think, but I'd really like to see him, and have normal conversations and see if we can sort anything out given time, but he won't even do that. I know I shouldn't contact him, but it's really hard having no contact with somebody when you're used to speaking to them (in some way), lots each day.

He says that me not contacting him and giving him room to think, is a risk I'm going to have to take, because otherwise it'll push him away for good, and that he'll contact me when he's born, to come and see him. Seriously, the man has no idea, if he stays away now, he can stay away forver, as far as I'm concerned, but then I think that's unreasonable. Men hey - who'd have em
xx

 

[Emerald rose]

Im so sorry hun.
Can the mw tell him things i thought they couldnt because if patient confidentiality?

Give him time he may change his mind. My babys dad spilt up wiv me after i got pregnant and i left him alone for awhile which worked we now see each other once a week and have started talking about getting back together.

 

[pinkymum]

Hey hun, sorry you're having to go through this especially when you're pregnant.
I think it would be good if you could back off for a while, although I know how hard that is when you love and miss someone so much. And backing off may not mean that you'll get back together but it may mean that you both can have a better relationship and that can only be a good think for both of you and your baby. Also it might help you to start working on moving on too. I know that its easy for me to give an opinion but I've been through break UPS and I know that when I did back off it was hard but worth it.

Hugs x x x x

 

[KirstyL]

Aww thanks hun There are so many women who can cope with things like this, and I fall apart!
I think its coz I've had rubbish relationship after rubbish relationship ans this one was perfect (so I thought). We'll manage I'm sure.
Yeah I get that, I know the constant pressure isn't helping him, but what about me!! He isn't pregnant, lol. I sometimes wonder how men would manage
Just frustrating, because he wants nothing to do with me until baby is born, but then he's gonna contact me...I just don't think that's on tbh. He did say he wanted to be in the delivery room with me, but I don't think, in current circumstances, that's gonna happen.
Will try the leaving him to think approach and see if he comes to his senses and realises what he's gonna miss out on by being stubborn and staying away!
xxx

 

[Vicxzy]

Aw Kirsty hun thats crap I know its hard but I think if you do leave him alone he'll realise how much he misses u. You cant make him want to be with you no matter how hard you try. I'm guessing hes just scared but who knows? x

 

[KirstyL]

I hope so hun, it'll be almost impossible to leave him alone though, but it's just a risk I'm gonna have to take I suppose. Life's crap sometimes isn't it.
Possibly scared, think it was mainly watching me turn into a total nutcase that he couldn't deal with! He's 36, surely he should be past the getting scared stage?! Oh I dunno, men huh!
xx

 

[Little Rose]

Hey, this must be awful for you. Maybe if you turn the tables on him so to speak it might move things along? At the moment he knows that you will contact him and he knows that if he clicks his fingers you'll be there. Try doing what he least expects even if it kills you - don't contact him. He'll be curious as to why you've stopped the contact all of a sudden.
Delete his number from your phone (even though you know it off by heart) - this might deter you from actually sending him any messages. Even if you type the message, just delete it when done as opposed to typing in his number.
Us Ladies are strong and you will cope. You may even find that you can cope really well without him. At the end of the day this is his loss and he can never take back what he has done, even if you get back together. You can't rewrite history. Be strong x

 

[KellyHook]

What is it about men from peterborough!! mine is moving to his mums tomorrow as he said he doesnt know if he wants to be with me either!!!

bloody men!!! xx

but i agree perhaps you should stop texting him and let him realise what he is missing!! x

 

[KirstyL]

Hey, this must be awful for you. Maybe if you turn the tables on him so to speak it might move things along? At the moment he knows that you will contact him and he knows that if he clicks his fingers you'll be there. Try doing what he least expects even if it kills you - don't contact him. He'll be curious as to why you've stopped the contact all of a sudden.

well thats what im hoping, and yeah your right, its gonna be next to impossible to not ring or text him, although i know its what i have to do!

Delete his number from your phone (even though you know it off by heart) - this might deter you from actually sending him any messages. Even if you type the message, just delete it when done as opposed to typing in his number.
Us Ladies are strong and you will cope. You may even find that you can cope really well without him. At the end of the day this is his loss and he can never take back what he has done, even if you get back together. You can't rewrite history. Be strong x

Yup - I do know it, but your right, if I delete it, it might make me stop or think twice at least I'm sure I will cope without him, but I'd rather not have too! I feel really bad atm that he's missing out on feeling him move, and all the other magical moments, but I can't force him to come over, so his loss as you say.

Thanks hun.xx

 

[KirstyL]

What is it about men from peterborough!! mine is moving to his mums tomorrow as he said he doesnt know if he wants to be with me either!!!

bloody men!!! xx

but i agree perhaps you should stop texting him and let him realise what he is missing!! x

Aww honey I know, they are shocking aren't they! They are grown up enough to make the decision to have the baby in the first place, then turn around and go "Argh, I dunno what I want now....."
Thing is, they can leave and carry on as normal , and we have to stay and deal with the crap!
Yup, texting to be stopped - might have to drive over my phone mind you, lol. If he contacts me, doubtful but you never know, then I'll consider replying, ha!

I read your post earlier actually, was hoping he'd have sorted himself out by now, thats the last thing you need really xx

 

[KellyHook]

Yep its not what i need... but what can i do

we are still being friendly with each other and he said that he will help out and that i dont have to worry, knowing him he will still want to be round here every day as he will miss his daughter as they are like 2 peas in a pod!... so hoping he goes away to his mums for the weekend, and his mum tells him he is being a d**k and realises what ever the problem he had with me can be sorted out!! but i wont be falling at his feet even though i desperatly want him to change his mind! im pretty confident that he will come back, but when i dont know... but i could be wrong!

Whatever is ment to be will be.. maybe driving over your phone will be a good idea..lol

whatever he decides to do hun, you will be able to cope! We are Women at the end of the day