mums to be with other children

[madmish]

hello, as most of you know i am expecting baby no.4 in december. this baby WAS planned,and i was happy with my decision.but recently i have been having thoughts that maybe i have made the wrong choice at the wrong time.i have 2 girls and a boy(ages 8,5 &3) who are well behaved most of the time, but at bedtime they just turn into monsters!! it doesn't matter if hubby or i puts them to bed, if we send them at seperate times, if they have a bath & story, either way they just wont stay in bed!! i was so frustrated last night, phil went out and i have got a bit of a tummy bug,and they wouldnt settle down when i put them to bed. they were up & down the stairs every 5 minutes, in & out of each others rooms, in the bathroom and generally just mis behaving!! i got so mad that i stormed upstairs and shouted at them and said i wished that i never had any of them, and when the new baby comes i am going to leave them and live on my own with the baby,because they are naughty! i felt awful after i said it and i cried for hours downstairs until phil got back.when i went to bed i woke them up and said i loved them all and i was just cross. i am wondering how i am going to cope when the baby comes,if they mess about for 2 hours every night,and i am up through the night with the baby, backwards and forwards to school 3 times a day because my son is on half days,washing, cooking and cleaning,i wont get anytime for myself. it seems a selfish thing to say ,as i chose to have all my children,but if i dont get any time to myself, even if it's only half an hour for a bath, i dont think i will beable to cope!!! i feel so stupid and dissapointed in myself as a mum now, and i am starting to regret being pregnant. i have spoke to phil but he says oh you'll be fine, but i just thought if i pour my heart out here, maybe someone else has been through this, or feels the same.

 

[budge]

mmmmmmmmmive never had a problem with bed time or getting my kids to behave becasue they know not to meddle with me. Im quite strict and they know imthe boss. . Ive just put them to bed and told thenm thats that. No tv in bed, not lights on. nothing. Just sleep.

You need to be firm and strike a little fear into them. Let them know you are in charge and they have to do as you say. I would put them all to bed at the same time . around half seven and stick to it. If they keep getting up make them go upstairs again. They will soon get the message.

 

[hev&madi]

ive been watching house of tiny terroways for ideas lol

 

[budge]

im really glad i got mine into a strict routine from when they were young. Hubby and i get all evening together this way and i get to do the house work and my own stuff.

I think kids need to go bed early too and get adequate sleep.

 

[hev&madi]

my niece an 2 nephews are all in bed by 7.30-8

we want to get ours into a strict routine (i dont sound nasty do i??)

 

[violet-glow]

I think a lot of what your feelings is to do with hormons aswell hun. But I can see why your so stressed at the moment. Kids can be a HUGE pain in the arse when it comes to bedtime. I know what you mean, zack wont settle for ages and wakes up alot during the night. The time when I want a little me time and time with my OH.

Your not a bad mum, please dont be thinking that... if you do ill come over there and flick your ear lol. Ive said some really nasty things to my son when im anrgy, which ive regreted. I think its just part of being a parent. I think ive you've had a million kids you still wont get it perfect. Its just one of those thing because dont forget your learning aswell as your kids.

My friends mother used to take her light bulb out when she was messing about during bedtime. But I dont know if I suggest that. Have you tried taking their favourite toys away until they behave? I take zacks fav toy away when hes naughty and give it back to him when hes done soemthing really good. The pennys slowly dropping taken him a while though lol. When it comes to bedtime I have learnt to just ignore him. If he messing about I just pop him back into bed and totaly blank him. This is the only way ive found that he will sleep. Otherwise hes just like yours ...the little horns on his head start to grow and hes wanting a drink or a cuddle etc.

((huge hugs)) Hope your alright hun, oh and please dont worry about what you've said to your kids. Just as long as they know you didnt mean it, which they do... im sure their fine. Maybe they will think twice next time. *crosses fingers for you*

 

[hev&madi]

by the way mad i dont think your a bad mum!!!! it sound like you are trying your hardest it must be very hard work with 3 and one on the way

 

[budge]

no ones a bad mum on here thats whay we're here.

i might have my kids under the thumb but im out of control

 

[madmish]

thanks for thet replys.now that i have stopped crying again i can read them! Budge what you said about being the boss really stuck out to me, i always thought i was,but now i have realised they are!! as i said i can take them anywhere and they are great,at home they are great, but bedtime is like they are not my kids. i think i have let them get away with it for so long, it's like starting all over again. i usually just let them get away with it or let them play upstairs until they fall asleep just to gt some peace some times, and i can see now thats what i have done wrong. i guess i am just gonna have to perciveer with it until they realise bedtime is bedtime. i still feel like crap, and i still think i am stupid,but i supposse it could be hormones.

 

[budge]

i think you may be feeling overwhelmed at the task ahead with 4 children. i do sometimes too and im sure like me you will get over it.

Im glad what i said was ok. I was worried you'd think i was being mother superior. which im not of course well nearly
I just really think kids need to know who is in charge. You need to be mummy first then friend.
Getting the right balance of dicipline and love is important too.

 

[Amanda]

Have you ever watched Supernanny Madmish?? She does this brilliant thing with children at bedtime.

Basically (and this is very basic, you may want to buy one of her books), when they first come down, explain that it is bedtime firmly and put them back to bed. The next time, say just 'Bedtime' and then put them back to bed. The next time, don't say anything, just take them back to bed, and keep doing this. It will be a long slog, but it works. They will soon learn that they are not getting any attention from you when they get up, and soon learn to stay in bed.

Good luck hun.

 

[cab'o'holic]

I have been so lucky with my son every one has said i cant have anther like that and i have left a to big gap in the age sometimes i wonder if i am making a mistake having this one but when he gives me a kiss and cuddle and tells me he loves me it makes me reaise i am doing the right thing

 

[lauramumof2]

Aw madmish, dont worry, we all lose the place sometimes and with 3 and another on the way you can be totally forgiven. You must be knackered and for them to take 2 hrs to go to bed is just taking the p**s.

Jess was in a routine and to a certain extent still is but im a bit slower now and sometimes dinner runs a bit late then it all goes down hill from there. One thing I have found though the later she goes to bed makes no difference to the time she wakes

What budge said makes perfect sense but I too find it hard to lay down the law when I feel like shit and knackered. Kids, even young ones are sooo fly. I know what she says is right though

The supernanny thing tankett was talking about does work. I tried it a few months ago when jess just was creating merry hell at bedtime. I nearly gave in a few times but sure enough she just settled. She knew I was not for turning (if she knew how close I came to folding she might have tried a bt harder) and just went to sleep.

 

[madmish]

update!!

well it seems i was over reacting, after i have read this post a few days later, i am ashamed of myself!! i have made them sound so naughty, and really, they are not!! i guess i was having a bad day and i took it out on my children!! me and phil have had some nice long chats this weekend, he has been great, he thinks i have the mid term blues (he's been reading lol!) and has assured me, its only hormonal and i am still the same great mum i was before pregnancy. i feel a bit stupid now, but he has been great through these mood swings of mine! i have never doubted myself before, and i am a bit shocked about it, i always thought i could cope with aything, and i have now realised that it's ok to struggle sometimes!!
thanks for your support ladies,i really do love it on here!

xx