Money and part time working, it's long!!

[Tilly]

Afternoon ladies I hope everybody is well and keeping warm on these cold days.

I am sorry if this doesn't make sense and is very long and waffly but I just have to get down my thoughts as my head is spinning trying to do calculations.

I am dreading having to go back to work, I love my daughter so much and enjoy spending all my time with her and doing new things with her. I plan to take the full year off work even though this is going to mean us getting into some debt to pay the last 3 months mortgage payment. I know I shouldn't be starting this thread now and enjoying the next 8 months off work but I can't stop thinking about it.

I am currently scheduled to return to work 3 days a week, I would love more than anything to not have to return to work at all but as that isn't at all possible I really only want to go back 2 days a week. The problem is I really don't think we can afford it, I thought we would have more money each month than we actually would when I worked it out yesterday. I think it works out that we would have about £700 a month between us which only equals £10 a day each which I know my husband is not going to be happy with, especially once he gets lunch or goes out for the occasional drink. This would also have to buy clothes for all 3 of us!! My mum is going to look after my daughter and I haven't included any money in working out our finances to pay her so we would probably have a bit less than even the £700.

I am also finding it hard because my sister doesn't have to work and they always have lots of money and I don't want my lo feeling like she doesn't have as much as her cousin as they are a similar age.

If I work 3 days she will spend almost as much time with her nan as me and that upsets me a little bit although I am very grateful to my mum don't get me wrong. On the other hand if we want to go to all the baby groups then I need the money to pay for them but if I am at work earning the money then I can't go and enjoy them either (I told you I am waffling!!)

I also need to take into consideration we hope to start ttc around Christmas time so maternity pay would be low!

I just need to win enough money to pay off my extortionate mortgage and I would be sorted!!

If you have got this far then thank you so much for reading and does anybody have any thoughts or what would you do in my situation??

Help I am driving myself crazy!!

Tilly xx

 

[ejjie]

Hi hon

Don't have any advice for you as I am struggling with the same thoughts right now. I think I will have to go back 4 days a week and would love it to only be 2 or 3. The thing that is keeping me sane is that I will get much better maternity pay with number 2 if I go back 4 days a week after this one.

How long would you actually be back at work for between babies, about a year? Maybe it's worth you going back the 3 days for that year and contributing that money to your mortgage so that you can be in a far better position for baby number 2? Hopefully we will be out of recession by then and you'll be able to stay off work after that one.

It must be so hard for you but please don't feel guilty or compare yourself to your sister or any SAHM. It's just not possible for some of us and having your mum as carer is brilliant

 

[Magic Monkey]

I don't really have any advice on the whole going to back to wotk thing, other than to say that you may feel very different by the time you go back, I was meant to go back in Sept when LO was 6 months and I couldn't have gone back then. I took the extra 3 months of unpaid leave and by Jan I was more than ready to go back. I may be in the minority, but I was desperate for a bit of adult company and a break from my LO. She goes to her grandparents for the 2 days that I work and then on the days that I am at home we do much more as I want to make the most of our time together.

I work 3 days every other week and I do find it much harder than my 2 day weeks, could you not cut you spending a bit - £10 a day is actually a lot of money to spend - we don't have anywhere near that much - we each have £100 a month for all our spending money - clothes, going out etc. and we have coped fine with that. I would speak to you OH about how you feel now, and start to cut down on your spending money. Could he not take lunch to work with him now? That would save you so much money and then maybe you could afford to only do 2 days.

 

[nori]

Hiya hun,

I've just been working out my finances as we have just had an offer agreed on a house (im only in a 1 bed so we do have to move). It is going to be ridiculously tight and will only have about £100 left a month so £10 is good going!

We have had to sacrifice most things really (sky tv, holidays, nights out, getting the bus instead of the train to work, walking rather than driving if i can) just so i dont have to go back full time. It may sound alot but my parents sacrificed alot more back in their day so im sure we will manage.. i would love to stay home fulltime but we wont even break even if i do.

I hope you get things sorted. Im sure one way or another you will work it out.

Claire x

 

[Ibuellie]

I've got ages until my baby's born but I'm already trying to work out how I can avoid working too much. My husband's income will probably be pretty low compared to what I'd be able to earn and sadly I'll get no maternity pay because we're coming back from overseas work. I think we'll probably have to job share a bit so he has a couple of days home with the baby. I'd prefer that to using a childminding service. Some of the other things I'm considering are doing some childminding or home tutoring myself. It's work, but at least the baby is close by.

I'm living in Indonesia at the moment and loads of people here live with the whole family in one or two rooms. They have next to nothing but they're happy and the babies look healthy. I'm trying to learn from them and downsize my material desires. Let's face it, a one year old is usually happier playing with the box than the present it carried.

 

[nori]

I'm living in Indonesia at the moment and loads of people here live with the whole family in one or two rooms. They have next to nothing but they're happy and the babies look healthy. I'm trying to learn from them and downsize my material desires. Let's face it, a one year old is usually happier playing with the box than the present it carried.

Thats so true!!!

 

[valentine]

Hi there,

This is a dilema many of us have faced so you are definitely not alone.

Taking a year off is a lovely start and made me feel that I'd really made the most of my time with DD - I went back the week after her 1st birthday and had about13/14 months off including accrued holidays. If I can, I'll do the same with the baby I'm currently carrying. I think there's more factors to consider than what you may have done already. When I went back in August 2008, I went back 3 consecutive days a week, but my workplace at the time were very unaccomodating with the days I could do and the hours I could work. I ended up working 10am-6pm (not my choice) but it was a long hard commute on the bus - so I'd leave about 8am and get home about 7.30pm if not later and I was so so miserable. I then got a new job, 5/10 mins from home, 2.5 days a week, working 9am-5pm 2 days and 9am-12.30pm one day. So so much better. I guess I'm trying to say, does your work involve a commute?

Something else to consider is how you'll feel in the workplace if you only work 2 days a week? I guess it depends how 'high level' you are at work or if you have just a job or a career? What I mean is that some part time workers feel overlooked and would perhaps rather be there a wee bit more to show face. And would you end up doing the same work in 2 days that you would in 3 (but only be getting paid for 2 days)? I am very lucky as most of the people in my new workplace work or volunteer on a part time basis so it is 'normal' where I work and part time work is well respected.

OH and I have had to cut back since DD has been born, we now share a lot more of our finances and money stuff and although he earns twice what I do, he still ends up with the same money to spend every month. We call it weekly expenses and each have 100 pounds a month. It sounds a lot but thats for everything we need - clothes, lunch out, baby groups (me), band practices/football practices (him). We put the Child Benefit and Child Tax Credit in a 'baby' account which pays for clothes/other things/Christmas/birthday/shoes that DD needs. It sounds like you need to sit down and talk to OH as 700 pounds a month although its between 2 of you is a lot of money and you need to make a joint decision. It was important to OH that DD was brought up mainly by us, so this helped him see that it wasn't feasible for me to work full time and he would need to contribute more to the joint finances and not buy so many CDs and other boy crap.

Please don't spend your whole maternity leave worrying about going back to work. I know its easier said than done but I did this with DD and its just not worth it. Although I hated my job when I went back to work, I still didn't find it as hard as I'd expected to leave her and did enjoy the baby free time where I could go into a shop at lunchtime without a buggy and have non-baby related conversations with colleagues.

Re. your sister, please please don't worry your head about this. I have quite wealthy Mummy friends as I live in an affluent area and do spend lots of time wishing I could buy my daughter Mini Boden clothes and posh wooden toys but we don't do badly. I challenge myself to find good quality (John Lewis, M&S, Next, Gap) clothes and lovely condition wooden toys in charity shops and have an adventure with them. DD is happy if we're out for a walk/baking/painting/drawing etc and she doesn't need lots of expensive toys and she still looks beautiful wearing charity shop or hand-me-down or supermarket clothes. I do get down about it but I know that I don't want to bankrupt myself buying her things to keep up with the Joneses. You are not alone in feeling like this, I promise.

I hope this has helped. How are you feeling about things today?

Valentine Xxx