Lying sc*mbag!

[Ju]

Hi girls,

Wondering if anyone could share their pearls of wisdom with me?

On Sunday night I went to my local Spiritualist Church (I'm a Christian Spiritualist) and a medium told me to check my OH's e mails. So on Monday evening I logged into his account (yes, I know it's naughty!) and found an e mail from a woman from a dating/sex website.

It was an email that had been replied to etc etc so he has defo been contacting her backwards and forwards. Basically, he was saying how he's young free and single and how he likes to please etc (too graphic for the forum).

He told her about a local couple that had contacted him for sex and he went into tremendous detail about their little meeting..................

This woman has also sent him some pics of herself in rather graphic and compromising positions, to which he has replied to her that he is glad to be a man! This has made me feel even worse as I'm sitting here with a HUGE bump and enough cellulite for 3 people!

She suggested meeting up, but this is where I intercepted and told him that I knew.

He is also a member of a website that gets people together who like sex etc and on his profile it says how single he is.

I walked out and drove around Heathrow for a bit (where I live) and he text nd rang me loads of times begging me to come home to talk.He promises that he never actually did anything with said couple, and made the story up for the benefit of this woman.

Even so, he has emotionally cheated on me, and who knows, he may have even met up with this woman if I hadn't found out?

We spoke and he has promised to get counselling, stop drinking, get parental software on his laptop and put my name on the deeds of the house.

He is even taking photos of the gym, work etc to prove where he is. But why should we live our lives like that?

I really don't know what to do. I said I'd give him a chance, but I just wanna punch his face in!

Sorry for loooooong post, but need advice!

Thanks in advance.

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

Hi hun, so sorry to hear what your going through

A lot of men, my fiance included, sometimes get wrapped up in a fantasy world where they can have any woman they want, they play with the idea and even chat to other women, but would never actually cross the line, it stays a fantasy and god only knows why they have it in the first place, but it doesnt always mean they will actually cheat.

I understanhd what you mean about emotionally cheating, but the chances are he never thought you would find out and would certainly never go through with anything in reality, and now feels embarassed and ashamed, that was enough to stop my fiance and I hope its enough in your case too.

If you need to chat please pm me xxxx

 

[mummykay]

im in shock ju, what kind of bloke does that to his pregnant girlfriend??????

kick the barsteward out b4 xmas and make him grovel for ur forgiveness!!!

and then punch his face in!!!

 

[TipsyDipsy]

I'm sorry but I couldn't trust a person like that and think that after the shame has passed and the grovelling period over with your trust regained he still has that capability to do it again in the future.
It makes it more difficult since your pregnant so it would be up to you if you could trust him again.

 

[Ju]

Thanks for your support

I guess I'll have to playt it by ear and see how things go..................

Just going to try not to let his escapades stop me from looking forward to the birth of my daughter

xxx

 

[Gaby]

i hope this doesnt stress you out too much. that's the last thing you need in these last few weeks before the birth. I hope you can work things out

 

[gingerpig]

Just asked my OH about this one, as I was totally non-plussed by it. He said do you know why your BF was doing it? I do think the counselling would be a good idea, Relate should be able to see you both quite quickly. OH said that as well as men sometimes feeling frightened and vulnerable during their partner's pregnancy (because they have to cope with all those extra hormones), they can also feel extra ummmm "potent". Sex is not top of my agenda atm, but apparently the whole thing can give men the horn. OH got a lot of this from "The Blokes Guide to Pregnancy".

I dont think you should just let this drop, or go overboard on going over it and again. You have been very badly hurt, and it's really important your partner knows that. Counselling would be a nice, safe environment for you to both get it out of your system. Good luck

 

[x-kirsty-x]

I'd never be able to trust him again

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

I dont think its that black and white to be honest, plenty of men have these little secret chats and profiles without ever crossing the line, I have no idea why they feel the need but its a guy thing I guess, much like porn mags only technology has opened up much more options for them!

 

[Ju]

Thanks girls.

He has been really attentive and nice to me over the last week......... think he is slowly realising where his bread is buttered. I don't think I can trust him for a long time, but I don't want to break up with him as we're going to have a little family and I do actually love him, despite his MAJOR downfalls!

I also asked him why his friends hide their porn from their OH's, yet he leaves it in ghe bedroom for me to see-how rude! If I wanted to see porn, I would get something a lot more tasteful than the crap he seems to watch

He just thinks that I'm liberal (am secretly turning more conservative!) so I'll put up with things, whereas his friends' OHs would kill them!

I hope it's all just some fantasies that he had to get out of his system?

I know he has been feeling left out, but I've had a rough pregnancy and I've had to concentrate on my body and baby and then give him time. Bet it all atems from childhood. GRRR!

Thanks for your words of wisdom, they've really helped. I tried to talk to my sis and best friend but they were just slagging him off, which is fair enough but it wasn't what I needed!

xxxxxxx

 

[mummykay]

hope ur ok ju!!


still think u should punch his face in!!!

and the porn thing - just throw it away when he leaves it out - serves him right!!! he should b givin u all his attention, not his willy!!!!

 

[cassi]

I agree with glitzyglamgirl It looks as though he is ashamed of what he has done and is doing his best to make things better and make it up to you and even admitting he has a problem and saying he will have councelling is a massive step.

It most likely was just a fantasy as glitzy says lots of men do it, ok obviously its going to be upsetting but at least its better than finding him in bed with someone else!! In that case i would be saying kick him out! lol.

But only you know what is right for you and your family hun.

Hope everything works out
cas x

 

[Sabrina]

Just wanted to say hope everything works out for you Ju. I've been through something similar with my OH earlier in our relationship. He thought it was "harmless" but I didn't. I still don't trust him fully in some situations but we are getting on with the relationship.

I agree with Glitzyglamgirl it really does seem to be something men do these days. The internet is great in a lot of ways but ..... not for the ready availability of porn.

Sabrina
x