Losing the plot

[Dotty_woman]

So some of you may know me already. I'm 43, been married for 23 years, have two sons aged 16 and 13 and a 9 month old daughter. I returned to work at the end of May and whilst I'm appreciating having some money coming back in I seem to be feeling constantly anxious. I don't look forward going to work and have that horrible sinking feeling when I wake up. I'm struggling to motivate myself to do anything never mind getting my baby up and ready for nursery or my mum coming to look after her. I feel like I'm in a daze at work and struggling to focus. I'm so glad I negotiated a four day week but my house feels like a tip and I'm constantly trying to get on top of the mess created by the five of us. I'm so jealous of people with a nice tidy house. To think that I have been preoccupied with a need to move house for as long as I can remember, I don't know why I'm so restless living where I do. Everyone else seems to have loads of friends but right now I feel like I don't have anyone other than my mum. Today's my day off and I should be thinking of something fun to do with my kids (the eldest of which just split up with his girlfriend yesterday!). I'm just feeling overwhelmed by everything. Anyone got any suggestions for controlling the chaos. I'm a mess. xxx

 

[rachaell]

Can your husband help out more? Also do your older kids help out a bit? Keeping their room tidy and bringing there washing down etc? I don't have older kids but my brother does and they help with chores. Just one thing a day, with a big family I think everyone has to pitch in a bit or its a nightmare for mum!

Not sure that's helpful but I can only imagine how you feel as I'm already thinking how hard it will be with one lo when I go back to work and you have three so you are superwoman to me : ) hope some more experienced mummies have some better advise. Xxxx

 

[Dotty_woman]

Thanks for your suggestions Rachaell. My older kids do a bit but it's like pulling teeth. My OH does some of the cooking but I'm the only one who ever seems to tidy stuff up or attempt to put it away. I constantly have a washing pile like the north face of Everest and the bathrooms aren't great. I'm trying to get the kids to take more responsibility for their space. It doesn't help that we're trying to replace some items in their bathroom (I've taken up some tiles and unplumbed the toilet so far) and fix our broken fence (which OH and eldest son have been doing. There just don't seem to be enough hours in the day. xxx

 

[Mrs M]

Snap! I've been back to work for around 14 months now, and my house is always a pig sty, and I put it down to too much stuff! Even when it's tidy there's too much clutter! I am trying to get rid of things out my front room, so at least when my little ones are in b ed, I don't feel so overwhelmed! Not working though cos I'm fed up of telling my hubby to do simple things, like plates in the dishwasher, not the living room floor - or kitchen bench if I'm lucky!

But recently I've been trying to get myself into a proper routine. DD is starting school next week, so I am waking at 6.30, and trying to have us all fed and dressed by 8.15. On anight time once they have gone to bed, I am spending approx. 45 mins doing 1 room, and tidying my front room, so I can sit down for a couple of hours without looking at all the crap! My other half works from home and I've trained him on how to use the washing machine/dishwasher/tumble drier so that is a massive weight off. I just do the ironing in a couple of batches on top of my 45 mins while I'm watching something, so it doesn't feel like a proper chore! Could you do anything like this? I really can't be arsed to do it, but I've learnt that if I don't and miss one day, I then miss several and at the weekend end up with it all to do!

 

[Pumpkin9]

Defintely routine and clutter! I don't have older kids and I'm still on mat leave but when I stick to my routine the house is clean and tidy. As soon as I deviate we end up in a right state.

If you can ebay or car boot (even just bin) some of your unwanted items and then get some sort of system going you'll be laughing. Definitely include others too. I know it's like pulling teeth but if you pull enough people get the message

Chin up Hun, you're doing a fab job, you'll get there

 

[Dotty_woman]

Thanks for your suggestions. Much appreciated. xxx

 

[CamFi]

Maybe make a list of chores and how often they need doing, and then allocate them to specific days/times. Make the teens and husband help. After dinner, one person can wash pots and pans while another loads the dishwasher and another puts the other stuff away, leaving you free to collect laundry and throw it in the machine, or clean part of the bathroom/whatever. If you're all doing chores at the same time there'll be less complaining and things will actually get done. Put the dishwasher on straight after dinner and it'll be ready to empty before you go to bed, leaving it ready for people to put their own dishes in it the next day.

With clutter, Make sure everything has its place and get the kids used to putting things away before they get the next thing out. My 9 month old has three toy boxes, she only gets one a day, on rotation, so she's not always playing with the same toys, and there's less mess. The toys get put away again before bath time each evening so we get our living room back.

If you struggle in the mornings, get everything ready the night before. I also shower in the evenings so in the mornings I literally only have to pull clothes on, pour cereal into a bowl and get milk out of the fridge. No thinking required.

It's all about routine, and if you tell your boys/husband how you're feeling you can make changes together and they'll probably also have suggestions to help. Goods luck!